COMMENTS

17 responses to “Dating Again Post-60: How Far and How Fast?”

1. I am a widower age 84. I can’t always “get it up” but There a lot of other things/ways to fool around. I don’t want to hear about how hard it is-been there done that. I enjoy going dancing, seeing stage shows, taking my RV out for a week or three and just hanging out and have fun. Lifes just too short not to live it to the fullest. Life is a one trick pony-go for it. My goal in life is to leave my kids anough to the things that they want but not enough for them to not have to work.

   Reply to Philip H Wood

2. Postponing sex is like postponing a key part in a romantic relationship. A relationship without sex is simply self sabotaging a potential romantic partner. and doomed to grow resentment before love and bonding can happen. I’m a 65 yr old man.
   Your advice is for delusional women in the present living in fear for any future. Truth.

   Reply to Anonymous

   1. No. It is so inconvenient for you to have to deal with a woman.

      Reply to Joanna

3. I’m so glad I found this website I’m 63 I’ve been single a long time I am very sensual I met a man I think we’re chemically a match if that makes sense we’ve already talked about how attracted we are to each other on very many levels physically intellectually and we laugh a lot. I am trying to shed the burden of how many dates before being intimate of course being a typical man he’s raring to go LOL and I am trying to allow my self Permission to have fun thank you for giving this to me

   Reply to DJ Betts

   1. I like your response… I’m 65, my friend is 67. We are both widowed (me 7 years, him almost 1 year), We have been family friends for over 35 years, but started dating in January. Right now we are focusing on building a BEST FRIENDS relationship before we engage in sex. We are both physically attracted, and we also laugh a lot. I don’t want sex to ruin our friendship, we are both Christians, so in the back of my head… I hear NO SEX before marriage… BUT I’m not ready for that right now…

      Reply to Toni Lerch

4. I just met a man, we started talking on Valentine’s day. He’s talking about having sex already and I’m not ready. I expressed my feelings to him, but he’s getting annoyed. We’re in our 60s. And another thing is in don’t want to get to know him in his apartment. Need advice.

   Reply to Dawn Sims

5. I’m 65, in good, muscular physical shape, yet I Am hesitant about exposing my body to a man for the first time. I feel we’re compared to actresses and models – that men fantasize about those women and really WANT our bodies to look like those. Even if we worked at it, it isn’t going to happen.

   Reply to Cindy

   1. Cindy, I’m a 60 year old man and can’t speak for all of us but for me there are women to fantasize about, and the ones we actually want. It is two distinct categories. Sometimes it baffles even us! We also know what WE look like too, and are not trying for arm candy to show off as much as our younger selves might have. Any guy 55 and up who still insists on actresses and models is a guy who has a lot more problems than his “preferences”.

      Reply to Michael Rosetti

6. My suggestion is….. leave your baggage at the airport. Life’s an adventure and this is a new one with a new man. Put on some pretty/sexy undies (no matter what size or shape you are) a garter belt and nylons, a pretty dress and high heels ( Life Stride are comfy n pretty). Let him take you out to a nice romantic dinner, flash a little garter belt hook on your nylons at him.. by accident . And then let Nature take its course. Sex should be spontaneous and fun. If he’s turned on and you are fun and receptive it will be a good experience for both of you….and no Laborious Sex with you doing things you don’t want to… thats not good for either of you. No embarrassing, serious talks… relax, put on some soft music, have a little wine and let your bodies take over. I’m 68..dating older men and Believe me this works.

   Reply to Zayna

7. Excellent response Joan. We’ve loaded sex with so much significance that it can hardly stand under the burden. Sex is very meaningful or just fun or both, depending on what we bring to it. We put so many expectations and rules on it that we drive away the spontaneity. Of course, we should be prepared with condoms, etc. (My plug here for the Female Condom FC2. It works even when the man’s penis doesn’t get bone hard.) but fellatio and cunnilingus are both pleasurable endeavors that would best not have to bear too big a burden of shoulds, musts and oughts.

   I say all that with awareness that many more women than men carry wounds of childhood sexual abuse and continued abuse in adulthood. Those wounds easily become re-irritated. Men need to be much more sensitive to the responses of the partner.

   As to erectile problems, there are now several excellent, fairly easy solutions that won’t require the woman to tire herself out.

   Reply to DavidP

8. I am 65 year old woman , i have BF in one of on line dating . he want me to be with him , now , I am scared , maybe he is not satisfied me because of my menopausal
   i dont have a libido but still have feeling in sex , what will I do . thanks.

   Reply to Rose Mae

   1. Rose Mae, if you want your own question answered, send me an email at sexpert@seniorplanet.org with your story and your concerns. If I choose yours for my column, you’ll get a full answer.

      — Joan

      Reply to Joan Price

      1. Miss Joan, thank you for your website.
         I am 54 and started going out with a nice man and he is 62. It seems that our age gap could not be a problem at all, since it’s 8 years gap. However when we had sex, for me was horrible, since I am very active and unfortunately he could not keep his “performance” and was very frustrated. I know I am 54, but everyone gives me 40’s for my look, and sometimes I go out with guys 38, 40’, even 32, I am not happy, but I am getting older too! What should I do?

      2. I’m a 62 year old woman . Have been Divorced doe 3 years after a 40 year marriage. Been seeing a guy for 6 weeks. Only kisses me goodbye and that’s very quick. We’ve connected so well in every way. How do I let him know I’m ready to go farther sexually without acting like a slut?

9. I would like to address the first red flag I noticed, “I don’t feel comfortable getting naked…” Why? What about getting naked is not a comfort zone for you? Is this a body image issue? Are you concerned he will want more? Are you afraid you will let down your guard?

   Ageless sex is about no expectations, creating sexual pleasure with no physical and emotional harm. Sex is all about pleasure and fun.

   Joan has mentioned many ways to overcome the stumbling blocks you mentioned, but you might want to reread your questions. See if you are truly ready to express your affection sexually with this man.

   Reply to Dr. Susana

10. It’s a balance between being and feeling safe – physically and emotionally – and minimizing (not completely eliminating) the risks that could lead to a wonderful experience. Using condoms will help minimize the physical risks but sometimes you may have to be a little vulnerable emotionally or take a leap of faith to be open to pleasure. That being said, feeling safe is the best catalyst to full pleasure and enjoyment for all parties involved.

    Reply to randyacphoto

11. Seems to me these folks need to read your book Naked at Our Age and communicate with each other. Talk about past sex lives, talk about past partners. Talk about P spot sex and how pleasurable it can be for him, and for her giving it to him.They need to talk to each other. I think laying in bed with your clothes on at this stage is ok, but also a bit juvenile. TALK TO EACH OTHER about what you want and where you want your relationship to go. Then the whole world will open up to you.

    Reply to Sue Orr