COMMENTS

17 responses to “Open Thread Update: Being “That Lady” or ‘That Guy””

1. BE THAT LADY!! Stand up. Speak up. Teach people how to treat you. There’s no longer any excuse for women to choose meekness .

   Reply to Jt

2. Hi. I seem to get the polite service, I make myself seen: Grocery, coffee shop, buying me new running clothes because I want them! They look cool even for tv watching even I can’t walk much, it’s just fun. I think I smile a lot, even let folks at a store I appreciate them taking the time out of their busy day. I mean it. Even on the street, I like to smile, even slyly make a joke out loud. I honestly tell the person in a line, go ahead, it’s ok. Totally surprise them! Nailed it, I win!

   Reply to Belinda

3. In my last year of teaching, I was assigned a position I despised. Not only did I not want it, I wasn’t asked, I was just told shortly before the school year began. When the school year began, I had no classroom, no desk, and I was on the list for a laptop with the aides rather than the teachers, which meant I had to wait to receive my much needed technology to perform my job. I walked into the principals office and didn’t leave until she saw to it I received all of the above!

   Reply to Toni Zackowski

   1. That sounds so familiar as a way to get someone to resign. I know because I worked in HR and it’s one of the not-so-nice tactics we had to use to get people to quit so we didn’t have to terminate them and pay benefits or possibly get involved in a legal suit. I hope that wasn’t the case with you, but just someone’s bad judgment,

      Reply to Sally

4. I was behind a young woman at TX Maxx in line. Suddenly 4 friend jumped in line with her, all with their own stuff, rather than getting in line behind me. Inside I fumed “how rude.” Then I decided to speak and act. I went around them, in front, and said “since you don’t think it’s improper to jump in line in front of me, I’ll follow suit and jump in front of you.” They failed to understand that logic, but stayed put. But when they left, they said sarcastically “have a nice day.”

   Reply to Gidget

5. Young people in my building look right through me. I initiate “hello”. If I see them again, I’ll say hello. If they don’t reciprocate, I’m done. My biggest problem is my mobility. I have no doorman but do have an elevator and a useless super. Shipping labels on my packages indicate “disabled, please to my door” but they do not. And no one else brings them up. It is what it is!

   Reply to Sally

   1. That happens to me. I always make it a point to say “hello” when I walk past someone. If they don’t respond I say loudly, “I’m sorry I spoke.”

      Reply to Virginia S

6. I am thrilled to read all these wonderful comments. Sometimes I feel alone and ignored and it is for these reasons.

   Reply to joyce

7. Inconsideratness is everywhere.Some are unaware, some dont care, some dont agree.
   We must be able to quickly and effectively change things. We need to complain or speak up and seek action in response which gets harder and harder as we age it seems. (We are ignored too much.) Its a hard thing to do. We need to practice. Aim for clear and firm and somewhere between persistent and unrelenting. I was once called agressively enthusiastic! I was told that means a pushy bi*ch. Oh well.

   Reply to Carrie Jones

8. Please add Bluesky to your social media sites. I no longer use Facebook or X, a cesspool, of social media.

   Reply to Claudia

   1. There’s also Threads which is better than X and FB

      Reply to Corinne Curcio

9. I’m met with downright rudeness by young people who think I don’t move out of their way fast enough. I’m taking up THEIR space, and in THEIR way. I’ve tried to take the high rode, but I’m losing my niceness. I’m on the verge of becoming not only “that lady” but “that cranky old lady.”

   Reply to Virginia S

10. From what I’ve been told, I’ve always been “that lady”. I have never seen it that way. I just refuse to be treated poorly or rudely and not call someone out about it. Not always. Not every time. It’s just not worth it. But if you cross the line, you will be told about it. Immediately. And perhaps a tad sarcastically. As in “I am SO so sorry I did not allow you to shove your way in front of me!” Someone once told me I made them behave better because I did not tolerate any nonsense from them.

    Reply to Kim

11. Yes! Recently I fought a polite but persistent battle with a local home improvement store over a kitchen remodel that had many problems. It took over a year of emails, phone calls and much patience before the problems were resolved to my satisfaction. I became adept at consumer advocacy. I have now been plagued with problems from a GE gas stove problem that was under warranty when I asked for a technician . It has been 4 months of trial and error issues but hopefully it will be resolved soon

    Reply to Linda Norman

12. On my street, I am that lady because I do not want to end up living in a crappy neighborhood. I do a lot of things no one thanks me for, and some things people hate me for but oh well. I don’t care if people like me or not, unless I respect them.

    Reply to Loba

13. At 89, none of that matters very much to me. But what I do find as a walker in New York City, averaging five miles a day currently, that many people don’t seem to see me. They will walk straight at me, and expect me to move aside, and I often have to. Ah, well, better to find the vacant stretches of sidewalk I suppose.

    Reply to Robert Ross

14. Those ex. have nothing to do with being badly treated because of age. They are examples of bad behavior that is encountered by many people regardless of age. But, being ‘invisible’ is an aspect of ageism. This occurs when you are basically ignored/not heard/not taken seriously. It is essential to be heard/not ignored. One doesn’t have to be a ‘crazy’ person – dress like a wild woman – to be heard/not ignored. One just needs to clearly, non-emotionally, articulately say what needs saying.

    Reply to EDNA R.S. ALVAREZ