COMMENTS

60 responses to “Why Older Woman May Have Trouble Climaxing—and What You Can Do”

1. Both I and my wife are 81, and I have had ED now for a few years, my simply putting it down to the age factor. Admittedly with a heart condition I have a longish menu of medications headed by Warfarin, but shortly I’ll be allowing my GP to access my meds file to tell me if (even with a change of blood-thinner) that I am still medically eligible to have full penetrative sex ….which I have certainly missed, even though my wife is ‘dry’ below, so lubricants would have to be employed.

   Reply to JOHN DUCKER

2. I think this website is a lovely idea. Giving those of us with sexuality issues having a safe place to go and discuss and green knowledge from others also struggling with sexual issues. So Joan Price, thank you for your awareness that there truly is a need for a site such as this. Self care coupled with quality and intimate sex is such a necessity for a clear mind and a happy, healthy body, and sadly, many women in particular, are uneasy speaking about sex with others. So thank you!

   Reply to Alpine Price

3. I’m 72 and hadn’t had intercourse for years with my ex. I met a girl that I date that’s 69. She has trouble reaching orgasm with penetration but can masterbating. It doesn’t bother me too much. If she is on top and can kind of rub her clitoris against me she’ll have an organism. I think it’s fine whatever works is great. We’re not 18 yo anymore. It takes some imagination and you’ll get gratification.

   Reply to James Hickey

4. I am a 70-year-old woman who has been enjoying orgasms a long time, mostly solo. Very suddenly, they’re not happening. Everything is going wonderfully, I feel right on the cusp, but don’t know fall over. Is this what it’s gonna be like now?

   Reply to Sharon G.

   1. Me 2. I’m 70 going on 71. Have never had this problem before. Came suddenly and even during oral sex it takes me a long time! Not problem getting wet, just the orgasms! It’s very disturbing to me but not my partner. He has an enlarged prostate and just wants to please me.

      Reply to Linda

      1. Hello Linda.
         The important point is that try to understand your partner to touching your G spot because G spot is the sensitive part to help for orgasm in women.

   2. I’m 71 and not has sex for 20 years I’m divorcing hubby I met someone online we have met often and want to be together we hadn’t yet had sex I started making sure I was still all working and I was fine for 2 weeks then it just stopped and I was dry I got cream and pill to insert and that’s sorted that part out but still can’t orgasm imy boyfriend knows and is ok about it I still wantsex and still get pleasure from doing it myself but just can’t get to cum why did it just stop

      Reply to Jill Sullivan

   3. Sharon, did you ever resolve this issue? I am 69 and have similar past and always had no problems solo until recently and experiencing the same issue, being on the cusp and then it falls off. Trying to figure out why last month it worked and now it doesn’t!

      Reply to Mary

      1. Hi Mary, I can’t remember if I responded to this already (;
         I haven’t found or figured it out. Have you? I could come to accept it if I just wasn’t hot to trot off and on all day long. I will ignore my slight embarrassment and talk to my doctor, cuz this is an emergency.

5. I’m in total agreement about the ejaculation level dropping as you get older. And the pre – sex you give a lady with cuddling, spooning and eating – That’s a fantastic start. You can even use your mouth after being “in” for a while. I’m 66, and having no girlfriend have to masturbate to ease the pressure. Oh well..
   But this does seem like a great site to talk about it!!!

   Reply to George

6. I am 59 years old. I lost my husband & sex partner in June 2021. I am now with a very active sexual male partner who gives me pleasure in so many ways. I do have orgasisms but they are not easily achieved as in younger times with my previous husband. Could there be a reason for this? Could my grief be keeping me from achieving these orgasisms?

   Reply to Janis C Pritchett

   1. I started using the V fit by Joylux when I started having trouble with pain during intercourse. Wowza, my p***y is young again and my husband, who is fifteen years younger, couldn’t be happier. The red light vaginal therapy actually has healed my aging vagina. . I also take bioidentical hormones and live a healthy lifestyle.

      Reply to Clare

      1. Curious how old are you now?

      2. ok I’m 69 lost my disabled husband 6 years ago. Sex was never very good then boom nothing for 20 years. I met a man 1 year younger than me and he is wanting sex. I have nothing there. I don’t know what’s happened but i have the desire but i feel completely closed up. I have never had an orgasim with a man but could always masterbate. but now nothing. Am I passed it. can i get things going again. please help.

   2. Reaching the peak of pleasure or orgasm in sex is directly related to the feelings of love in the majority of women. You have lost your husband in the recent past and you must be depressed, over time you will return to your previous state in sex.

      Reply to Shah

7. It’s sad that this article missed key information. It seems there are so many women suffering. Ladies, two books I would whole-heartily recommend will improve if not transform your sex life.
   1. Women’s Anatomy of Arousal, by Shari Winston. It will teach you about your body, I was blown away at 52, as a college educated, sexually adventurous women–I could not believe I was so ignorant about my whole sexual self. This book was a revelation. Mind blowing, and it also helped me overcome negative self-talk and for the first time, I was relaxed and fully enjoying my husband. Game changer.
   2. Vagina, by Naomi Wolf. This book is a different beast entirely from Winston’s book, but it was also a game changer. Wolf dives heavy into the latest science (reprinted in 2013), but she gave me even more information and knowledge to complement Winston’s gifts to me….It’s well written, chock full of information not told to women…
   There is a lot of information out there. Start researching.

   Reply to Deek

8. I’m a 68 yr old male from 08060 area. Due to ED I managed to engage in
   oral service to couple of senior female friends and all three almost always
   experienced climax after receiving oral sex. However, one of my friends
   past away and the other two have moved to Fla. No current luck in meeting any similar senior ladies, so do I give up or keep looking ? Thank You

   Reply to John Sanford

   1. Hi John,

      Have you ever tried a prostate massager? I am a woman, so I cannot comment on its usefulness personally, but I have seen how it’s helped men in my life that I personally know who have had health issues. Go to Aneros’ website and read the forums (find the link is at the bottom of their homepage). It can greatly help your ED without any side effects or “timing” to manage (or expensive drugs), and it’s very good for overall prostate health (no prostate enlargement or prostate cancer if you start a regular regimen)…Best of luck to you, and thanks from all the women out there for being a generous and engaged lover of women.

      Reply to Deek

   2. It’s been almost 3 years since you wrote this, and I hope by now you realized you should keep looking. Sex should be right up there with eating, exercising and drinking water in my opinion.

      Reply to Sharon Grant

   3. I’m just seeing this post and know this message is 3 years beyond yours, but…Yes! Keep looking. Why not? Hope you’ve found someone with whom you can share some intimacy.

      Reply to Sharon

9. The ONLY orgasms I have ever had were in my sleep. This has been going on for 40 years and I just go along with the program even though I am a sexy woman and love having sex. Not sure why this is happening, but I do love it when it does! Just wish I could have one when I am with my husband. We don’t have sex that often anymore, and we used to be that couple who couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. I hate faking it, and have tried EVERYthing. I don’t think he knows because I make sure he comes. I just always wanted to come with him when I was awake. Suggestions?

   Reply to Maria

   1. Maria,

      I sounds like relaxation is what you need. Also, are you getting the full 20-30 minutes or more of physical attention from your husband prior to the start of actual penetrative intercourse? Get Shari Winston’s book: Women’s Anatomy of Arousal. It will show you all your erectile tissue (which is why you need the 20-30 minutes), but more importantly to help you with your husband, Winston will show you how to breathe to relax, feel more sensation and be in touch better with his sexual energy and your own. It was transforming for me. …Using Winston’s breathing, I actually had an energy release that was like a whole-body orgasm and like nothing I had every had where yellow electricity in my brain was visible. It blew me away. Good luck.

      Reply to Deek

      1. I was breathing and meditating and had a full body kundalini orgasm alone. Saw white light run up through my entire body. Like meeting God. Breathing the ticket. I’m 75, masturbate everyday, cum a lot. Eat healthy foods, no processed. Enjoy my beautiful body. Age is only a number. It’s attitude. Thanks.

10. I’m 62 and in good health. I do not take any meds and exercise regularly. In the past 2-3 years my desire to orgasm has waned. When I do have the desire, I can orgasm but as one of your commenters said, it’s so vague it’s frustrating. Can’t really feel the contractions as intense any more. Sometimes can’t feel them at all and don’t know if I’m even having one. No more fireworks. I think its just the natural aging process. Which sucks.

    Reply to Judy

    1. Please share what you have learned!
       Sounds just like me. I’m getting older and do miss sex!

       Reply to Patti

    2. Sex, sexual excitement, desire and orgasm are all practice based, or rather, “exercise” based. Just like if you quit exercising, you cannot expect to jump back to where you are now with your fitness, and your fitness and overall health will wane, so does your sexual health. Commit to giving yourself orgasms—really good, deep, blended if you can, orgasms as many days a week as you exercise the rest of your body. You will need to restrengthen your neural pathways, and regenerate the blood flow and it will take time…

       Reply to Deek

       1. Thank you so much for this! It’s been 2 years since you posted it, but I’m just seeing it and it’s exactly what I needed today.

11. Why do me take longer to climax even with a vibrator?

    Reply to Frank

12. im a 58 year old women and i love having sex with my husband but lately ive been having trouble having any orgasms. its stressing me out.ive also get very dry. we are taking care of that but i just cant have an orgasm.we would have sex every 2 to 3 days until this started.what can i do.

    Reply to wendy marks

    1. Go to your Dr and suggest getting Testosterone shots. I went 5 years with out sex until my dr suggested these shots
       I’m 69 my partner is 75 he gets the shots also. Once a week we have wonderful see we both have outstanding orgasms.

       Reply to Joyce White

13. I go to four gym classes a week (aerobic and yoga), and on the other days I go for brisk, half-hour walks. I think I’m in pretty good shape for an “old gal” of 75. I haven’t had a sexual partner for a couple of years. (Available guys of my age are usually married, but I wouldn’t go there……!) I was enjoying “selfy” orgasums up until two months ago.

    I just now realized that my “lack of functioning” might be the medication my doctor had reccomended for what (she claimed) was dementia. She had me go for a brain MRI, which came out negative!! So, of course, I was wondering what was going on here…..?? She explaned, through an email, that there might be other “mental things” going on. Well, I didn’t found out what those “other things” were about, because she soon left the clinic to go to some other residency.

    She left me with instructions to take Atorvastatin 40 MG (mornings) and Donepezil HCL 5 Mg (evenings). It didn’t ocur to me at the time, but now I’m wondering—could taking these medications have something to do with loss of arousal?

    Reply to Judy

    1. Atorvastatin 40 is to reduce cholesterol. I’ve taken it for years. So it shouldn’t effect pleasure. Is the other one for blood pressure? Health problems do slow things down. Exercise can help blood flow.

       Reply to Lillian

       1. I have always felt I have had high sex drive. Although could only get climax by by arousing myself without a partner. Climax was easy
          it is concerning me as a considerate partner 11 years younger then
          myself and very much in love. He has tried to help but because I would arouse my self with fantasies that gave me a climax. It dwindling off now
          which is frustrating. I am taking Atorvastatin also blood pressure tablets. I run regularly so not over weight and feel healthy. Is it the
          meds a pr

14. I’m 65 and he is 35. He is larger then I’m use. At first it hurted but then I got use to it. But, as time moved on the pain became greater. And I found myself enjoying it but, also I would avoided getting started. Then one day I stop feeling anything. Now I have no desires. I love him, and loves me. He is faithful and it’s not fair for me to deny him sex. Can you tell me what’s wrong, and how I can fix it.

    Reply to Ruth Carter

    1. You need 20-30 minutes of direct physical attention, to allow your erectile tissue to engorge. And that physical attention should NOT start internally, but start outward and be worked inward slowly. Hair, face, chest, arms, legs, lower back, etc, before anything explicitly sexual is touched….You never know, he might find you using toys very attractive, or if you think he might be threatened by it as some men are, then keep it to yourself. Anyway dear, you are beautiful, and deserve fulfilling sex, so go help yourself, dear Goddess and conquer!

       Reply to Deek

    2. Get a Kindle and read TL Swan’s books, especially the Miles Club, The Stopover, The Takeover and The Casanova. Also her book, Dr Stanton. 50 Shades of Grey, if you can treat it as fun, will help with arousal too, I am 72 and due to dryness my sex drive waited. With new treatment, Mona Lisa, I am back.

       Reply to Caro

15. I’m having the beginnings of what I consider “low labido”. I’m 50 and have had a “pellet” called Biote inserted every 3 to 4 months. This primarily works to help with my crazy hormones. I was feeling very depressed and wasn’t able to get out of bed one day even though I didn’t know why. My doctor suggested the pellets. I’m reading all the responses and I feel that communication is key to a good relationship. Sex is always good, but the bond you form with your partner is so important. Cuddling, holding, kissing, fondling, flirting, sexting, are all part of foreplay. I think that what has worked for me is the communication between my partner and I. We can joke about us getting older and about having more difficulty climaxing.

    Reply to Maria

    1. maria, ask your husband/lover to be patient and gentle at the same time. spooning is one of the main ingredients to making love . but more so, to relaxing you.man can climax fast yet, needs to take the time to relax you and gently take the time to bring you to the point of climaxing or penetration.

       Reply to Robert Freeman

       1. Bravo, Robert Freeman!!!! Robert is exactly right. Women need 20-30 minutes of sustained, and direct affection/attention before all their erectile tissue is fully engaged. Yes, women have a lot of erectile tissue (The clitoris is a huge structure, not just the little “button” which is visible, the meatus swells, the Skeen’s gland (or urethral sponge), the perineum sponge and also, the glorious vestibular bulbs. A man’s erectile tissue has valves that all open at the same time in him when he is aroused, which makes his arousal/erection quick….

    2. Depression meds cause sexual problems, like unable to reach climax. I am taking meds daily for depression. I schedule sex once a week with husband and don’t take my meds that day. Really helps. But u are taking meds differently. Maybe talk to doctor.

       Reply to Lillian

    3. You hit the nail right on the head communication and openness with your parter not only strengthens your bond but opens you both up to try new things ..awesome x

       Reply to Kev Bagshaw

16. Is there a product or meds I can use to stimulate me into reaching an organism. We try hard, but nothing seems to happen, we both love our lovemaking soo much

    Reply to Mandy Hauptfleisch

    1. I am having an affair with a younger man. My orgasm story sounds like the run I just read. I have few orgasms and it always requires a vibrator. I can come sometimes at home but with my husband and son here all the time it’s hard to be frequent. My husband is disabled and we haven’t had sex in years. Orgasm was difficult at 55 so I gave up and just catered to him.
       Tuan is getting rough. He hurts my parts. He jams his penis and wand in at the same time. I have already tried my own little vibrator but it doesn’t help so he gets rough. Perhaps this is why I don’t come. What once happened occasionally now not at all.
       We only have 50 minutes. I know all this is wrong .
       I want orgasms back for anxiety relief and pleasure.
       62 and fading fast.

       Reply to Janie whitney

       1. yes its wrong maybe you have feelings of guilt. i’m 73 and my girlfriend is 75 and we enjoy sex sometimes 7 days a week and cums 90 percent of the time.

17. I slowly lost my sex drive and no longer have sex at all. However, once in awhile I have I desire to climate. I sometimes use a vibrator but I no longer have strong orgasms. Sometimes it is so mild it’s flrustating. Why has orgrass become so mild?

    Reply to Carla

    1. Just like working out to get strong, defined abs or buttocks, you need to energize and exercise your PC, vaginal tissue, labia, clitoris all the lovely parts inside your vagina (A spot, O-Spot, G-spot, Cervix, and PS-spot). Not only are the tissues themselves at risk of atrophy, but the neural pathways linking your brain (and associate chemicals) to your body are at risk, and these pathways control your desire and response to the stimulation of these areas and can become weak or lost. Stretch your hips, lower back and abdomen, do Kegels daily, masturbate often touching all your parts, and have sex every opportunity you can. Buy toys—they are fabulous and fun. Treat yourself to what turns you on—just do it up. Every little bit helps.

       Reply to Deek

18. I am 53 and not 70, and I have not been unable to reach orgasm the last 3 or 4 weeks, and it use to be once or twice a week, may-be it is the Holidays, but I never use to have that problem, I do take blood pressure medicine, may-be that is it.

    Reply to Jennifer Dee

    1. I have not claimaxed in three years I think twice in the three years I’m 55 now and I don’t know what to do I be wet but it be feeling like I’m about to get it and nothing nothing I have tried four times in two months nothing I’m began to think I’m not a woman no more I don’t feel good about myself at all

       Reply to Madelene Washington

19. I have recently been unable to reach a climax. I have been taken a lot of anti histamine and using hydrocortisone creams could this be the reason?

    Reply to Pamela

20. I had a hysterectomy in 2009 because of uterine cancer. For awhile I have been doing well reaching an orgasm with my husband. The passed few years I have had problems reaching that. The last 3 or 4 times I have been unable to get there. We have read books, tried watching movies, using a vibrator but I still have issues. He uses Cialis because he has his issues. He two years ago had bladder cancer. I was instantly upset because I felt I gave him cancer. ( I Know not true) . I just felt that way. He is 69 and I am 66. We are running out of things to try and fix the situation. We can you suggest? I feel like I let him down because sometimes I try to wait for him to reach that point and then it’s hard for me. I’m not sure what’s happening. Need some help or at least advice.

    Reply to Robyn Eckert

    1. I am having sex with my boyfriend and I am not able to have climax and he does. It feels good but I can’t climax.
       So I am 69 years old. I haven’t had sex sense 2008. Is there any thing I can take. I just wish I could climax to enjoy also.

       Reply to Patricia Cook

    2. Robyn, intimacy does not mean that you have to climax at the same time or together…its all about being together intimately.

       Reply to Robert Freeman

    3. Go to your near Herb store or order online … They work !!!
       55. Yes

       Reply to Pecan

       1. go to the herb store to buy what??

       2. What is the name of the herb?

       3. The name of the herb may be Ashwagandha. I found it recommended online.
          I’m going to buy some and see if it helps.

    4. This is all so sad!! My husband stopped cuddling/kissing me anymore unless it’s a prelude to extremely BORING sex!! I tried talking to him about it. Only thing it changed was the lack & end of our sex & after that I started drinking too much… I kno this is SO wrong, but I’ve only had extremely satisfying sex with one boyfriend since. I was having regular solo sex with my vibrator which was extremely intense & so satisfying, but no more, I just can’t get there anymore & I’m only 62!

       Reply to Llsa

    5. This is all so sad!! My husband stopped cuddling/kissing me anymore unless it’s a prelude to extremely BORING sex!! I tried talking to him about it. Only thing it changed was the lack & end of our sex & after that I started drinking too much… I kno this is SO wrong, but I’ve only had extremely satisfying sex with one boyfriend since. I was having regular solo sex with my vibrator which was extremely intense & so satisfying, but no more, I just can’t get there, & I’m very relaxed with both

       Reply to Llsa

21. This topic and information helped me..

    Reply to Mable Jones

22. Great topics and enlightening advice.

    Reply to Ernestine