Healthy Aging

A Senior’s Guide to Solo Sex


Have a question about relationships and sex for seniors?  Every month Senior Planet’s award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Subscribe now (do it here) and don’t miss a single column. Senior Planet subscribers also get The Weekly Orbit, our newsletter with features about personal finance, health and fitness, technology tips, an online book club and more! 

Masturbation is a hard-sounding word for an activity that’s immensely pleasurable and self-loving. It’s sex with the person who knows you the best: yourself. Self-pleasuring is delicious sex, and it doesn’t matter how old we are, whether or not we have a partner, if arousal and orgasms are easy for us or we’ve grown up to think of masturbation as shameful—even sinful (more on that later). Staying sexual is within our own power.

Here are some reasons that we, as seniors, might want to enjoy solo sex:

5 Reasons to Self-Pleasure

  1. You don’t have a partner. Many of us have no sexual partner at this time in our lives. Too often, I hear this from older women: “When I meet someone, I’ll think about sex again. Until then, it doesn’t matter.” It does matter. If we put sex on hold for months, years, decades, it will be much more difficult to enjoy sex if a partner does show up later on. It’s up to us to stay healthy and sexually vibrant with regular arousal and orgasms. Even if you don’t care about being partnered again, sex with yourself is important for health and wellbeing.
  2. You have a partner, but little or no sexual interaction. Many of us can’t have full sexual expression with our partners due to medical or relationship issues. Perhaps one partner has lost interest or is no longer able to engage sexually, so the other gives up on sex. Or you and your partner are no longer sexually attracted to each other, but for other reasons, you want to stay together.
  3. What used to bring you to orgasm doesn’t do it anymore. Our responses change as we age, and what aroused us in the past may not be what works for us now. The best way to figure out what does work for us now is to experiment on our own. What kind of touch do you like? Where, exactly? What pace? What intensity? The most direct way to stay in tune with what you need for sexual pleasure is to experiment with your own hands— and, of course, sex toys. Once you find the path to pleasure on your own, you can teach it to your partner if you have one. And if you don’t, that doesn’t have to mean a lack of orgasms!
  4. You have a partner and are having sex, but you rarely have an orgasm. We may need more warmup/ foreplay/ sex play than our partners give us, or stronger intensity or a particular kind of stroking. Of course, communication is key: Let your partner know exactly what you need. (Mind-reading is vastly overrated.) In addition, getting yourself ready on your own before or during partner sex makes everything work better.
  5. It just feels good! Our reason to masturbate doesn’t have to be because something else isn’t going well. It can be because we like it, we know how to please ourselves and we’re good at giving ourselves orgasms. It can be as simple as that.

Orgasms are Good for You—No Partner Required

A whole body of research shows that sex—with a partner and solo—enhances health. Here are just a few of the benefits of sexual activity and orgasm. (For more, see my book, “The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty: How to Maintain— or Regain!— a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life):

  • Reduces stress
  • Enhances mood
  • Strengthens the immune system
  • Helps fight infection and disease
  • Lowers diastolic blood pressure
  • Keeps sex organs healthy
  • Improves blood flow
  • Helps with sleep
  • Relieves headaches and other body aches
  • Relieves depression
  • Reduces risk of heart disease
  • May reduce risk of prostate cancer
  • Relieves chronic pain
  • Increases blood flow to the brain, increasing mental acuity
  • Makes your skin glow
  • Relaxes you
  • Makes you happier
  • Feels really good

Reasons not to self-pleasure? Hmm… Can’t think of any.

Why Are We Reluctant or Embarrassed to Self-Pleasure?

If masturbation is good for our physical, emotional and relationship health, why is it so hard for us to talk about or even think about it? We were brought up during a sex-negative era, meaning that we were taught that sex and sexual desire were shameful, sexual pleasure was never discussed and our sex education was mainly “don’t do it.”

That applied to masturbation, too, although you’d think a culture that wanted us to delay partner sex would encourage this safe and private outlet. But no, we were taught that our genitals are dirty and we shouldn’t touch them, except for hygienic needs.

We’ve thrown off many restrictive teachings from our early youth, but for many of us, this one is especially tenacious.
“Probably no other common activity carries such a burden of shame and guilt as masturbation,” says Dr. David Pittle, a sex and relationship therapist based in San Rafael, California. “Most of us over 60 grew up with a pile of bad teaching about masturbation: ‘It will make you go blind’; ‘It is prohibited by our religion’; ‘Nice girls don’t.’ Our parents, pastors, priests and imams were wrong. Not only is masturbation not sinful, it is a very healthy and contributes to our physical and mental well-being. If you are not masturbating, then you would well begin. Spell the word as ‘Loving yourself.’”

What To Do If You’re Not Inspired

Our retreating hormones and decreased blood flow make it easy to forget about sex, because there’s less urgency. Yet the less we experience arousal and orgasm, the more difficult it is to get there when we want to. If it’s already difficult for you to arouse yourself to orgasm, that’s a good reason to masturbate more rather than less. Sexual arousal and orgasm bring blood flow to the genitals and help to tone our pelvic floor muscles. The more we do it, the easier it becomes. Give yourself at least one or two orgasms a week and you’ll feel the difference. You’ll find that the physical arousal will happen that will trigger your emotional arousal, which triggers more physical arousal, until it’s all working just right.

For those of you who insist that masturbation is inferior to sex with a loving partner, my response is that there’s nothing inferior about sex with the person who knows you best.

How to Make Solo Sex Work for You 

From planning to sex toys, take these steps to give yourself the best chance for an orgasmic experience.

  1. Make a date with yourself. Don’t leave self-pleasuring to chance. Our arousal capability ebbs and flows, so schedule your dates with yourself during the time of day when you feel most sexually charged. Not sure when that is? Orgasms are easier before a meal, not afterward, and not when you’re tired. You might get aroused most easily in the early morning after your first cup of coffee, or just before lunch, or after a quick afternoon nap. Experiment to find out what your special time is. Set aside enough private time to enjoy the experience without rushing.
  2. Exercise first. Be physical in your daily life. Exercise increases blood flow. This translates to sexual arousal, because the blood flows to your genitals as well as to your muscles, making arousal easier and faster. For surprisingly effective results, exercise right before your solo sex time.
  3. Prepare. Have everything ready that you might want: lubricant, a small towel, massage oil, pillows for hip, back and neck comfort. Leave your phone and computer in another room, gather your favorite sex toys and settle in for pleasure. You don’t have a favorite sex toy? See my “Senior’s Guide To Vibrators” on Senior Planet and read my sex toy reviews at Naked At Our Age.
  4. Set the mood. Read erotica if you enjoy it (try Ageless Erotica, by and for our age group!), play music, write sexy thoughts in your journal, take a bath, massage your body slowly—whatever turns you on. You might like candlelight, lingerie…Let your imagination run wild.
  5. Choose your lube. A lubricant that keeps you moist and slick will increase comfort and intensify your pleasure. Keep the lube within reach so you can reapply frequently. See my “Senior’s Guide to Lubrication” on Senior Planet.
  6. Explore your body slowly. Sometimes racing to an orgasm is fun, but at other times, take time to slow down and explore all your erogenous zones and the kind of sensual stimulation you like. Maybe you like your breasts or thighs stroked, or maybe there’s a special place on your neck or the inside of your wrist that makes you shiver when touched just right. You may discover that the kind of touch that turns you on and/or the places you like to be touched are different now than they used to be, so don’t rely on past history.
  7. Fantasize. Let your fingers and sex toys help you imagine an intimate date with… who comes to mind? Let yourself explore fantasy scenes and partners. Your brain is your main sex organ, so invite your fantasy to your private party. No fantasy is “wrong,” and no one has to know what images or scenarios turn you on.
  8. Use sex toys and other erotic helpers. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days, and our wrists may tire before we reach our goal. That’s where your vibrator comes in. Use it on a low speed to get you aroused, then turn up the intensity to take you to orgasm. Or you might experiment with switching between toys to surprise yourself.
  9. If you think you’re not in the mood, do it anyway. It’s too easy to put solo sex on the back burner, and once you’re out of the habit, it’s harder to get revved up again. This is especially true at our age, when our hormones are no longer screaming for release. So reread steps 1 through 8 and just do it.

Solo sex is a lovely gift you can give yourself. Instead of seeing it as a poor substitute for partner sex, see it as a celebration that your body is still capable of such delights. Give yourself this gift often, whenever you want. I wish you joy!


247 responses to “A Senior’s Guide to Solo Sex

  1. Like so many others here, I’m late sixties and no longer have sex with my wife. She has no interest in anything sexual. As a result, I masturbate frequently – about everyday or so. I miss the intimacy of sexual intercourse and would definitely proceed if the opportunity presented itself. Realistically that probably wont occur so I am content to have solo play. I recently purchased some male sex toys and have found that they add quite a bit of enjoyment to my self pleasure.

  2. With so many of us much older single guys that were married at one time before we were cheated on is what we do now. And it is very difficult for us to meet another woman again that would just want and fall in love with us for who we really are.

  3. I enjoy sex and masturbation more now than we first married. I am in my 70s. I just think about my wife’s old lovers she had as a teenage when we have sex. It really gets me off. She even like me to masturbate in front of her.
    I use cialis sometimes but I like natural too.
    Sex is the best thing to relax me.

  4. HI, I’m 67 and my wife and I haven’t had sex in years. Once our youngest was born(27 years ago) her interest went south; with no explanation. I try and masturbate yet find it hard(no pun) to do so for whatever reason. Hormones and stress I guess. Get really depressed thinking about it and wish I could somehow manage to get it on with myself.

    1. I fully understand. My wife told me when she was 65 that she did not want any sex. That was 5 years ago and I am 76. I started to try masturbation again. I used to masturbate several times a day when I was 17 to 20. Got married then. I now find that I cannot get hard no matter how much I stimulate my penis It was nice to do but I really wanted the fantastic feelings you get from an orgasm. I spoke with a nurse at my local doctors and she prescribed me Sildenafill . I orgasm most days.

      1. Roderick – You should not feel at all uncomfortable about masturbation. But, I strongly suggest using a lubricant. My favorite is Astro Glide. I am a Cialis (Sildenafil) . Use them and enjoy.

  5. I am 57, my husband is 64. He has had prostate issues and a hernia surgery. He has complications from that and we’ve not had sex in a year. At first, frankly, this was okay. Post menopause, I was not interested. But I’m missing sex. I am dreaming about sex a lot. I want to have sex with my husband…always loved it. I want to talk to him about how we might move beyond this.

    1. For solo sex, the hitachi wand for women or men works wonders. Other toys, Lelo products work well. On the high dollar end, good vibrations dot com has a good selection different sized. If you feel a human touch is needed, tread lightly on your mates emotions. There are many seniors in your situation, I wish you well

  6. I am 60. My wife has been disabled for about 15 years. We have been intimate during that time. But the last 4 years not at all since she has got worse. I am still able to get quite hard. So I masturbate frequently. I would never see anyone out side our marriage. About three years I thought I would try my backside. I bought a dildo and used it anally. At first it takes done getting use to but after a tube or two it starts to feel really good. I have progressed to large ones. It’s fun.

  7. I’m 77 years old, and I haven’t experienced a sexual climax, either solo or with a partner, since 2002. I’m married, but the medical handicaps both my wife and I experience have made intimate contact all but out of the question. As a young man, I enjoyed a vigorous sex life and masturbated frequently. Today, motivated by nostalgia for the good old days of firm erections and explosive orgasms, I visited a couple of porn sites on the Internet. I felt a faint stirring below the belt; no more.

    1. I know how you feel. My wife died in January 2019. For almost 3 years I did nothing. No masterbating no partner. I finally got back in the dating scene and met a young lady of 75 in December of 2021. We have developed a great sexual relationship I am 79 now and she is 76 will be 77 in September. Our sex has been mostly oral as I am an ED patient. Cialis and viagra did no good. I have been prescribed an injectable medication that is injected into the side of the penis.

      1. It’s so hard as we age, my partner is 81 and I’m 80. I’m a female She Devil, And he has problems due to prostate zap, and low blood pressure. I have to pleasure myself but only when I come home by myself, just thinking about him makes me hot.
        I can’t hurt his feelings.
        Love him too much

  8. I’m 67 and masturbate a few times a week to pornography (both straight and gay). I’ve always been kind of a loner, enjoy the freedom of living alone, and seem to have ended up as a confirmed bachelor. Masturbation to pornography is nice because you can remain on ‘the edge’ for a long time and have an amazing orgasm, and only do it when you need to. It does make me feel guilty being Catholic, but it seems I always end up back in the same state of grace I was in before, shortly thereafter.

    1. I miss my husband terribly after 35 years. Our sex pleasure remembering him and physical out lives were far above norm. At 80 and 78 we were having full sex almost every night and the night before he passed away. I have satisfaction in masturbation a few days every week. It gives pleasure remembering those amazing orgasms and how it felt to cuddle up to him every night

      1. Bless you – thanks for sharing. I wouldn’t be able to hold up my end of the deal that well – there would have to be a heart connection if I met someone – not ruling it out. My father died last December at 95 and my mother gave up and wanted to die after he left – she went 4 months later. Please keep your chin up and live the rest of the time you have left – I’m sure it’s what your husband would want.

      2. 53yr woman going thru the same, love of my life n greatest sex partner(although)not too many to compare to BUT MY BEST SEX/LUV making EVER,ONLY been wit him. He passed away 1yr ago. & YES lately I find myself have sun GREAT orgasms n the best bígst full blown orgasms r the 1s HE comes to my mind durning my pleasure. I feel ashamed &/or guilty afterward.Then b4 I kno it,pleasure was so gud n the feeling of him being here with me was/is so real that I keep wanting more. Nitely like when he lived

    2. I’m a woman 67 years of age, I’ve tried to refrain from pleasuring myself but the need pops up two- three times a day at times. My husband has medical issues and we haven’t had sex in decades.
      I had stopped for about 2 years pleasuring myself l, but it’s return stronger. I don’t feel guilt , I just want it to go away.

  9. I had bladder cancer and also an operation to ease an enlarged prostate.
    The result is that I have permanent retrograde ejaculation (dry orgasm)
    Due to health reasons, my wife and I cannot have regular sex anymore.
    I masturbate at least twice per week and because of the dry orgasm, I am fortunate that I can do it anywhere as there is no mess.
    I would love to hear from other guys in this position.

    1. I to had bladder cancer, also went through the same procedure as you did. I will say the thing I miss the most is having my erection, my big, throbbing tool. Yes, masturbating is a different level of self pleasure, but it took a while for me to recover to have that Orgasm again. It takes longer than normal. Some times it much as 2 to 3 hours of mind stimulation. But never a erection.

  10. I’m a 64 year old male who married my college sweetheart. We had a wonderful sex life, sometimes engaging in intercourse three times a day. Sadly, she passed away when we were 46. Since then I have casual sex a few times a year. I have a high sex drive and masturbate daily. I find that generic Viagra and porn help with strong erections. Last year, I was with a woman who turned me on to prostate massage and it totally changed my life. When done with penile stimulation the orgasms are incredible.

  11. Well at least we can be very thankful for many of us single guys that have our left hand to save us on that one, even though it would be very wonderful for us to meet a good woman to share our time with.

  12. My wife passed away late last year at 65
    I’m 67. Our situation was that we both had back problems so that conventional sex was no fun at all. Our solution was this……when engaging in a session we would kiss and do the foreplay thing, after which I would give a good “eat”, resulting in one or two intense orgasms, after which I would slowly get myself off while she very softly massage my scrotum. Much more intense for both of us than regular sex. Very fulfilling for both of us.

    1. Sorry that your wife passed away. What do you do now?
      I am 80 and enjoy solo orgasms three times a week. Occasionally twice in a day if I have taken viagra. Also occasionally use a prostate massage device

    2. Seventy and single male here who self pleasures eight to ten times a week. I love porn – hetero, bi, gay- and enjoy it immensely. No hang ups or guilt, just a good time. And my relationships with people are good too.

  13. My wife and I are both 75. She enjoys my fondling her breasts, sucking her nipples, and giving her oral sex. But she does not want to masturbate together, or help finish my orgasm when I masturbate in front of her. Any ideas how i can persuade her?

    1. Sounds like me. My husband has ED so we enjoy foreplay, face time looking into each otherwise eyes. Just making love. We have explored ways to bring ultimate pleasure. When it comes to my own orgasm, I feel most comfortable finishing alone. I’ve never had an orgasm with or by a man. We both feel fulfilled in our preferences; that’s the important thing that keeps our relationship shining.

      1. I was married for 47 years but the last 20 years my lovely husband could not preform as his breading was bad so that was the end of our sex life he passed 8 months ago I have just discovered how to pleasure myself and find it enjoyable but I was doing it last night I had to get out of bed while I was fingering my self a gush of water came out of my vagina im worried in case I have to stop can you tell me what this was thanks

      2. Jenn, I had the same problem with my wife when she was alive. She didn’t want me to do anything to help bring her to orgasm. I really had a hard time getting her to let eat her when I did she would start out saying stop but after a short time it would be don’t stop. An orgasm with your husband’s help can be great. Give it a good try if your husband is up for it.

  14. I am almost 73 and have an implanted defibrillator for my heart. I asked my male cardiologist if masturbating was okay and he said that it is. Also I have gone on internet websites and they say that it is okay to masturbate with heart problems.

  15. Don, Just stroke your penis. It doesn’t matter whether it is a hard erection, somewhat hard, or soft/flaccid. I masturbate a soft penis and I still get pleasure from it when I have an orgasm and ejaculate.

    1. Yes, I agee that it doesn’t matter if your penis is hard or soft. Soft feels as good as hard. The main thing is that your hand is sliding over the glans. That is what really feels good and you can still orgasm and ejaculate with a soft penis. It may take a while to ejaculate but it feels good the whole time. Even if you don’t orgasm and ejaculate you can still get some good pleasure and enjoyment from masturbating and ejaculate later in the day or the next day.

      1. I have had a radical prostatectomy which made me soft all the time and my penis is very short now. My wife dosn’t want to do anything sexual anymore. I now masturbate my soft penis every few days. I still orgasm but they are always dry. Orgasms feel the same as ever. I use sex toys that help me orgasm.

    1. I’m 78 very physical and active so far everything just works fine. Top to bottom but I find as I get older I’m attracted more to well. preserved women over 70. Enen over 80 especially if I find them interesting intelligent and they look after their health. I’m blessed to still be well stacked and this turns me on when they stare. Being alone I have no choice but to pleasure myself occasionally Young women doesn’t do it for me too many hangups now. I’m happy this way !!!

  16. The article is very useful. I am a 62 year old male, whose partner has lost interest in sexual activity and won’t talk with me about our sexual needs. I now masturbate as much as when I was a teenager – about 5 times a week. Masturbation brings me great pleasure in the process and have the most amazing orgasms most times. My problem is that I feel really guilty afterwards. Reading articles above makes me realise that I shouldn’t, and what I feel is the same as a lot of other males of same age.

    1. I envy you Matt. I’m 62 too. I did it last night, and I’ve been exhausted all day. I’m recovering from a case of Legionnaires, and try and exercise regularly, I’ve started lifting weights again, running, and hiking. But, I haven’t had a gf in over 7 years. I wish I had your stamina.

      1. Try mutual masturbation like I do. It’s healthy even with other males….. it has also helped me with stress. Communicate with other men also. I’ve been single for years and love my freedom of having my time to do what I enjoy such as traveling, meeting new people, etc.

      1. Hey Glen, I too have that ‘Catholic white boy’ guilt complex about masturbating, but about 10 years ago I was encouraged by a very sexy older woman to ‘explore my bi-side’ and it took me forever, but eventually I met a couple of nice, ‘normal’ married men just like me who simply like to get together now and then to masturbate ‘and maybe more’. It was great fun while it lasted, but they got too old. I’m 80, and still love getting off about once a week, mostly thinking about those guys.
        Do it

    2. I’m 58 and my husband was killed by a neglectful nursing home and Dr now I’m all alone all the time I love sex wish I could find a partner with the same attitude who’s as open minded as me , Lol.

      1. Sorry to here that, My wifes sister in law had terrible care in London care home , she died last year ! Finding some one in later life can be difficult. Im 70 but as bisexual, And a late starter due to my parents religious beliefs, kept me away from woman until I was 38, due just to the nature of their very strict codes i lived in 1970s 58 is actually a good age for horny woman. I have bad arthritis in hips. dont have normal sex, but I get off on Electrostim.Hope you find that person dear!

      2. Sorry for the loss of your guy. I’m 68,
        Mrs 43. No sex at all for a few years. She does not want or desire foreplay or any toy engagement. She’ll talk about wanting but her idea is I should always be on the ready for her to mount, climax and go to sleep. If I happen to finish, good for me. I masturbate using hitachi wand and find it powerful, but noisy. I am not a smoker or drinker. Imagination has to fill in the gaps

    3. I am 76 , ED, havent had an erection in decades (diabetes) but ive been masturbating since puberty. Sound gloomy? I play with myself and masturbate almost daily with more pleasure as time goes by…no guilt whatsoever…

  17. Paul
    I am 84 and masturbating since puberty
    Widowed for one year and had many years of good sexual relationship without hang-ups. Several years ago I had a partial prostectomy and orgasms still happened with no semenal ejaculation. Have have 3 stents placed in my heart and am on medication (blood pressure, blood thinning and Metformin) although not diabetic. Recently developed ED and I battle to get a hard or to climax. Watch porno for stimulus. Could a vibrator solve my problem?

    1. I am an 80-year-old man who has always enjoyed intercourse, as well as solo masturbation. Happily married, my wife doesn’t enjoy sex herself, but gives me oral sex and afterwards I masturbate to fully satisfy myself, stimulated by recorded porno flicks!

      I have diabetes and other ailments and take insulin and other medication, which gives me severe ED. …and Cislis doesn’t work for me. However, this routine 3-4 times weekly is very pleasurable and I hope to continue it….forever!

    2. Yes Paul. I am 68 years old and I don’t have sex with my wife because she is bedridden and she has no interest before that. But I have to watch a solo woman masturbate to get off. I bought a male penis vibrator that also has a flap that goes down and sits on the bottom of your balls. Oh my God. There are various speeds the highest ones work for me. I also have erectile dysfunction but this vibrator works! I found it on Amazon. It was under $40! Good luck

  18. Have been in a relationship for over 25 years with the woman that I love dearly. After our second child was born she found out she had breast cancer which after treatment lead to her no longer wanting sex. She is not happy with the scars and lost her sex drive as the menopause was brought on early. She did discuss HRT but the doctors said it could cause the cancer to return so she just gave up on any sexual contact. For me that left just masturbation as a source of release but tried to hide it from her. I come down in the morning and make a drink which I go back to bed with and drink but really this is my time alone to take care of the task in hand. In the last year I got caught with my pants down and when she caught me it started a frank and open discussion where I explained what and when I did it and that I was fed up of hiding it. I said if she comes into the bedroom in the mornings not to be surprised if i am masturbating and I will no longer cover up to hide in shame. It was lovely to be so open about it and several times since she has deliberately come in and even helped to finish me off. Says she is still not interested in me touching her but this is a start and at least I am no longer hiding it. I thought the talk was make or break but now I know that I can be open in my solo efforts, it gives me back some dignity and it is nice to occasionally share. Also, at 56, so nice to hear that both sexes are masturbating into the 80s and beyond. Not planning on stopping any time soon either but encouraging to know that with a little exercise to keep the blood flowing, I have years of fun still ahead of me.

    1. Scott, my life & my wife (of 46 yrs) followed a similar scenario, as did you & your wife, only difference is we had 4 children, but after that my wife was lucky to catch it early but the breast cancer experience & the scars on he breast left her not wanting sex, and then menopause sealed the deal. I intend to continue to woo her.. I figure I will succeed if I can just treat her the same way I did when I first met her, I was completely taken in by her. All I could think about was the taste of her lips, her smell of her hair, and the taste of her entire body caused me to pursue her with intent to absorb as much of her as I could as often as I could, & this lasted for close to three decades….ah but all good things must come to an end….kinda.. Since my teens, I have always needed an orgasm a day and for the last 10-12 years, once a day has been my mantra, sometimes twice if I am feeling good. I have masterbated in front of her over the years a few times & I do love it, she will also occasionally help out, I think the very idea I may be doing something “wrong” or maybe a bit “perverted” turns me on. I am trying to create ways to remember the intensity of our passion for each other, it was so intense at times other people would remark about it. Being with her as one is what I’m after, laying with her, inside her is where I want to be, just the thought excites me. Until then I can still ride the the memories with images in my minds eye and get the job done…& enjoy it.

      1. I agree with you 100% John. I’m a young 79 year older woman and would love to have a sexy man to hang out with. I do have sex toys but, although I can have some really great orgasms, they can’t take the place of a man who loves kissing and caressing his lady. I live a a pretty remote area so there are very few places to meet men. They need to have fun and exciting cruises for only us single seniors.

    2. Thats so hard on you Scott, But you would be surprised how many partners do understand, especially as we all get older. I used to go adult cinemas before getting arthritic hips. Used to live in Blackpool. I wanted to try nylons, female stuff, wig (transvestite) wife was supportive cos I asked her. She actually wore some of MY clothes she said I had good taste. Her only rule, was never to be seen outside in public. I agreed, cos not a crossdresser. glad you got it in open. happy for you both:)

  19. What a pleasure it is to find so many “fellow travelers” of senior age. I’m 81, living alone now, with plenty of time for masturbatory enjoyment. Orgasms have become harder to reach lately, but the buildup lasts much longer, even allowing time to switch back and forth between porn and stocking/garter visual aids. Even near-climactic sensations are most delightful. I was married twice. In the first go-around, masturbation needs became all too frequent, due to the lady’s prudish belief that sex was just so people could have children. During my second endeavor, I don’t ever recalling the need to go solo. The bedroom relationship was too great even to think about it.

    1. This is Dave again, replying to myself, so to speak. Joan, I’ve carefully read your instructions for preparation and fully agree with at least 95%. Well composed. I’d now like to add another suggestion or three which may well help matters along in mid-process. This may sound kinky, but watching dirty Tijuana Bible cartoons are quite stimulating to me. For example, seeing Dagwood perform cunnilingus on Blondie, followed by her reciprocation hits me as being carried out by folks I know personally. Another of these cartoon features I like is the vulgar language. I recommend either talking to yourself, or even shouting if you are completely alone, using such phrases, or even a couple of your own. Act childishly — that’s when it all began anyway.
      Believe me, it helps.

  20. Hello. Maybe my running across this AARP site and the ability to get an answer to an ongoing question and concern I have will allay my fears and possibly get me an answer.
    I think I have checked all the questions and responses in this blog to date for my SPECIFIC question and I am thinking it was not asked up to this point in time. I wonder why? I am thinking that there is a certain segment of “our” senior citizen population who might be interested?
    I am a 70yo healthy male, many years divorced and single now. I too am a gent still with the desires and needs for intimate sharing with a lady.
    My question….. given the use of the internet for online communications of all sorts nowadays, is there a source for computer safe, interactive communications between like-minded SENIOR singles for internet shared intimacy? Such as IM sharing and if desired by both parties, camsex as they call it? I am one of these older senior males who feels that “sharing” in that desired “solo” masturbatory moment with a like-minded person of the opposite sex would enhance that moment and any sense of “guilt” from a totally “solo” interaction with myself would definitely be lessened.
    I realize that the emphasis in your article might be geared more to a totally SOLO everything masturbation-related. However…. What if the “solo” is desired to be shared as “safely” as can be possible with another….over a computer connection? I realize the internet connection could occur. Is there an internet connection website to assist us AARP seniors that might want to venture into this solution for masturbatory purposes?
    I admit to NOT being all that computer literate in these areas. I am also very reluctant to visit such websites that I find with my typical computer browser for fear of computer viruses and that of being “tracked” and “found out” while doing this. Also, on those times when I did selectively conduct my own search for a safe, senior website in order to ONLY find a site for us “older senior” adults with this interest, the only sites I found were those that had an array of pay-per-play situations or that of a range of the much younger adults with NO senior in those sites whatsoever.
    I know I am not at all naïve. I am simply uninformed about how to computer navigate what is out there as there might be a solution or two for me and other like-minded senior women and men to investigate and quite possibly latch on to a pleasurable solution.

  21. I read through this lengthy thread and found it interesting my experience is not unique. I have always enjoyed masturbation and my (former) marriage also became sexless after kids, so I masturbated for all my sexual pleasure. Since getting divorced 10 years ago (I’m now 60) I have had a few partners and have enjoyed both partner sex as well as masturbation including mutual masturbation with partners! my ex was such a prude and had a very low sex drive so I was super frustrated. I tried masturbating in front of her to get things going, but to no avail, so I just pursued my solo journey in private, with porn if I felt like it.
    Nowadays I still have lots of sex with my partner and I still masturbate lots. Every time we have sex we masturbate, either during foreplay or to get off one more time. My partner masturbates to 10 to 15 orgasms a week easily; she says she only does it alone when she is doing a “self care” session. Pretty much same with me. But when she and I are apart for a few days, I always go for it and enjoy beating off like crazy just like the old days. I can still orgasm 3-4 times a day and never have a problem getting hard. I think the key is staying healthy, exercising, and being guilt-free about solo sex and sex in general.

  22. This was a wonderful article to discover. I believe that not enough is written about this sensitive but important subject. Being younger, mid-30s, my husband and I are part of a generation that is perhaps more open and accepting of alternative lifestyles, LGBTQ+ and such. Masturbation is no exception and so has never had the same stigma for us. We enjoy our sex for love but masturbate for health and pleasure. Orgasms fill our day, as it should be, when we’re not engaged in the other necessities and obligations of life. These days many among us even consider it a hobby equal to that of any other hobby we spend time and effort at enjoying and getting good at. I certainly do.
    I’m glad to see it discussed so openly here and see so many seniors mustering the will and wisdom to breaking through old, outdated ideas and embracing it.

  23. I would like to say thanks so much for opening up the dialogue about masturbating.
    Being single for decades, because of being a Christian, and being shamed in the Congregation for asking about it…this has really been a breath of fresh air!
    Yes masturbating is good for the body
    How wonderful!

  24. As with others above I am relieved and encouraged that others have the same “issues” as me. I am 64. Married to my first wife for 30 years, 3 great children, NO sex ever since the children and MINIMAL before that. She passed away due to cancer. Married again, lovely woman, lover her tremendously, plenty of sex until medical factors stopped that. I have felt sexually rejected for most of my life, and all of what seem to be the prevalent issues with masturbation. Now find it difficult to masturbate without intimacy. Now I have read this article and am vastly encouraged, I am not alone in this situation. I would really like to find a good lady who has similar issues issues and would like to have a “e-mail” masturbation relationship with her, no change to my relationship with my wife. Any ideas, comments, suggestions, etc.?

    1. This is a crazy idea Mark. You are deceiving your wife and keeping secrets which will only create a emotional distance between the two of you. There are actually much better ways of meeting your own sexual needs without resorting to internet cheating and taking energy out of your marriage and giving it away to someone else. As well, don’t you think you are using this other women for her body, even if it is mutual? You are objectifying her and using her as a sexual toy. bad idea!

    2. Mark,
      Here is an idea.
      You lay in the middle of the bed on your back with legs spread wide.
      Have her to sit between your legs with your legs over her thighs.
      This way she is more centered and has more control.
      Have her to lube up her hands and to play with you.
      Hopefully, this will give you some intimacy that you need.

  25. Hi, this was a very good article and the comments were absolutely inspiring. I am a masturbation have been all my life from my first orgasm around age 13 when I was rubbing climbing a tree, I still remember that first time. For many years I felt guilty about masturbation but it didn’t stop me I just kept seeking out points that validated that it was ok. I am67 now, I was married at 24 two kids, and divorce 8 years later. Have and awsome family even though I never remarried. I just never met the right woman and had two kids to raise and child support, so for the most part I just masturbated, there were short flings here and there but by age 45 I grew tired of looking for woman and just like many of you turned solely to masturbation and with the advent of the internet I have had many very interesting years of continual sexual solo pleasure. I have had days where I went for 8 hours and then orgasm.
    Now here is as question, after being divorced for over 35 years my ex wife now lives with me, she can’t afford to live by herself. We don’t have sex or even talk about it, it really wasn’t that good when we were married and she is a bit prudish. So for the last few years I have been masturbating less and am not as open to free range my house naked and beating the meat. I really like being naked and i still look good. So should I sit her down and gently let here know my masturbation habits and that I don’t want to be active and have her accidently catch me, which would in itself be interesting. But I want to be free to still exercise my sexuality without the fear of offend her. What do you folks suggest. We are not intimate.

    1. Sitting down and talking with her with her would be a good move. Letting her know why you masturbate and your not wanting to offend her could lead to an understanding as to best way for you to fulfill your personal needs. You might even discover that she secretly masturbates.

    2. Steve that is nice of you to let your ex live with you and that it “cramps your style” when it comes to enjoying solo sex shows what kind of person you are. But, yes, I would urge you to find a way to address this so that your needs are met. Either get your Ex to agree to a schedule where she vacates so you can enjoy some needed privacy or just be up front with her about masturbating and then just freely do it, asking her to accept that this is your pleasure preference and if she doesn’t like it, she does not have to live with you! Being respectful of needs all around is the best path forward.

    3. You’re a good man for providing for your ex but I can’t envision that free range routine of yours being well received. And if it isn’t, you definitely won’t feel good about yourself. When your not home alone, just keep your routine to your bedroom and keep the door closed. If she becomes curious about what you’re doing in there, then that may be a good time to slowly explain your situation.

  26. For different reasons, I only achieve erections by watching porn. I would much prefer meeting a nice senior woman but where to find one? Not on a dating website.
    I am 82, I was married for 45 years to an occasionally sexual, very loved beautiful Frenchwoman who is now an angel after a short horrible disease.

    1. I am 83 , just lost my husband of 43 years. I told him when we got married that I would be ready for sex any time he was . We had a wonderful life and I miss him dearly
      I am masturbating, trying to see if it is a sin , but my body always wins.

      1. I’m highly sexed .My wife gave up sex 20. Years ago so for me it’s been very difficult .After some time I started to take myself in hand only to find I’d developed ED.I tried and tried to obtain an erection with no success. I saw my GP who tried me on SILDENAFIL wow great success.
        So no pet it’s no crime I’ve not felt so good for years.

  27. I am a 74 year old males and am sexually frustrated. About a year ago I had prostate surgery which has solved my urinary problems very well. I now sleep through the night. However since the surgery I am experiencing ED. My wife is in long term care with Altzheimers so there is no opportunity for sex with her. I really doubt that she could manage it anyway even if we had the opportunity. I live in a town which is famous for outdoor sports and the number of incredibly fit women is amazing. Sexual arousal is constant every where I go. I love my wife too much to cheat so my only option is going solo. I am now resorting to Cialis which makes a big difference but I truly miss the intimacy of having a partner. I have always enjoyed giving pleasure to a woman both with penetration and orally, so even though the masturbation helps, I am still frustrated and feel trapped. I guess this is just “life”.

  28. What about using porn to stimulate one’s self so that arousal is easier. Especially, if imagining partners no longer works well. Also, I am a very creative as a poet, writer, songwriter, musician. Does it mean I should or would like to masturbate more often?

  29. First of all, thank you for having such an informative website. The posts are very helpful and respectful in nature. I have not seen any other sites that deal with important senior topics such as masturbation. I perhaps am a bit ill informed but I read several posts where men indicated that they masturbated 15-20 times a day, yet ejaculated only once. I was always under the belief that masturbation for men ended in ejaculation. I am confused, and if someone could help explain that for me I would appreciate it. Thanks

    1. I’m an age 64 healthy male. This is my problem..I can still get a firm erection, however I have a very hard time ejaculating. It takes me almost an hour of repeatedly stroking my penis before I finally release, and most time not at all. This just started in the last month or so. Also my penis goes limp before I finish, even with taking Viagra! Any guesses on the problem?

      1. Greg, Your issue with losing your erection my be a varicose vein complex which robs you of the pressure required to keep you erect. I fought with the same issue and used o-ring to help retain the pressure.
        I went to a Doctor who was interested in the differential diagnosis. We had tried Yohimbine with partial success. The O rings came next I won a membership to the Craftsmans Club. Finally I was ready to consider an inflatable prostheses. But that required a little further investigation . I needed to see whether the problem was supply or leakage. I was injected with a vaso dialator. After 10 minutes I could have fried eggs on my penis. It was bright pink and hot. But not up. The problem was a vascular leak. An inflatable prosthesis was the resolve . My first one lasted 20 years and I have had the second one 10 years. Not a bad resolution, but spontanaity(sp) is gone.

      2. Greg , Some prostate medications and Blood Pressure Meds can prevent you from ejaculating. Flomax stonwalled me. I switched to uroxitrol and the functiion returned

  30. I’m 74 and I am trying to work through a sexless marriage with my wife of 40+ years. Being retired I have plenty of opportunity to masturbate when privacy allows. When my wife goes out I immediately take advantage of being alone and I strip off. I am actually pretty productive as I do my chores naked. I love being naked and have been increasing my nudity when she is home. All this is part of me trying to deal with the lack of physical sex. I’ve had several talks but I now don’t punch the issue with her as I’m sick of rejection. I want to openly live my remaining years naked at home and able to masturbate daily without judgement.

    1. You are not alone in this situation, I have a similar one. My wife and I have not had sex (in any form) for over 25 years. No intercourse, no BJ, no hands, literally nothing. She completely lost interest after children. I have never played around on her but I have masturbated to release sexual tension. I always masterbated discreetly without her knowledge. A few years ago my doctor told me my prostate was overfull and that to maintain good health I should ejaculate 21 times a month (backed by studies). Out of respect for my wifes privacy I did not tell him my wife and I dont have sex. I told my wife of the discussion and said that as long as she was ok with me openly masturbating then I would not expect her to attempt sex with me. She agreed. I was greatly relieved. The fact that I could openly masterbate took a huge burden off my conscience. I always felt guilty about it, now I don’t have to. Deep down I think she finds it a bit repulsive but her nursing background helps her understand the medical side if things.
      I try to be civil about it and when I’m going to masturbate I tell her I’m doing a “prostate workout” and she knows what I mean. I tell her so she won’t be surprised or embarrassed if she comes into the room. Typically I masturbate every morning and at night and occasionally one in mid day.
      My orgasms have only intensified over the years and even though I wish I was ejaculating into her I have the next best thing through masterbation. Ironically, even though I masturbate to porn, I often ejaculate with her in my mind.
      I am glad this website exists so people can share helpful information. Your story helped me, I hope my story has helped you.

      1. Thanks John, your story is also helpful. I have been trying to get to the point of having the very discussion that you had with your wife. My urologist also told me that it is very important to ejaculate several times a week at a minimum. It might make a difference if all women understood that sexual health comes in many ways. I wouldn’t of course expect her to witness me, although that would be great, but at least it would relax the “am I going to get caught” anxiety. I too use porn however, my needs have taken me to a new level. I use Skype! That’s for a future post!

    2. I gotta tell you Brice, having that discussion with my wife was nerve wracking. I was scared to even initiate it. Your urologist has given you your ticket to initiate the discussion. It was the best thing I ever did. I wish you luck. Thanks

  31. I have a partially secluded garden and when there is nobody at home or is due home, I love to go into the garden to masturbate. I don’t know why but it seems better outdoors. I just give myself a hand job and it feels really good!

  32. If it wasn’t for masturbating, I would feel like a complete failure in life. It is the only thing I can think of that I have done well enough to feel successful at. If a sporting contest, I finished 1st roughly 22,493 out of about 22,500. It feels great knowing you’re such a winner!

  33. I’m 73 years old, my wife has passed away, many times I get the urge to masterbate but then I feel confused and guilty as I am a Catholic I’m confused if it is a sin or not, as the urge is sometimes quite strong to masterbate, and i dont want to afend God. I need advice.

      1. I there I have similar problem with masturbation. Although I consider myself straight I offer fantasise about same sex activities. Which causes more guilt!
        Any ideas on that?

    1. Robert, please don’t take offense but as a Catholic I long ago stopped taking advise or guidance from the church’s teaching on sexuality. You should be able to do what is good for you and your body without shame or guilt. Quite frankly, they have lost the high ground with the scandals surrounding priests. If masturbating fulfills an urge, doesn’t hurt anyone else and may have health benefits, strip off, lube up and enjoy the body God gave you!

    2. Hi Robert:

      I’m a Catholic too. I’m 70 and I masturbate. I have not been to mass in 45 years and, as a rule, I do not pray. However, I do ‘play with myself’ (as my parish priest used to call it). It’s troubling that, from time to time, I feel a residual guilt about my behaviour. The fact is though that if God didn’t want me to play, she wouldn’t have given me the ability to do it. It’s an even clearer question for women. There is one and only one purpose for a clitoris and that is sexual pleasure. The thing has zero other purpose. If you get into the habit of doing it, the guilt will subside. Frankly, I think that, as Catholics, the issue is less about God than it is about our having been socially conditioned against sexual pleasure.

    3. Robert you have heard that your body is a Temple. It was given to you by your creator. It does not come with a maintainence manual. However over the years medical research has discovered a few requirements that help to keep your temple tuned up. Would your Creator be happy if the Temple he gave you was allowed to fall in disrepair. I taught Autopsy technique and Pathology for 30 years. What you don’t use, you lose. Your prostate is a muscle , you must exercise it. Now from a religious point of view. I think Catholicism would prefer that you find a new partner. Take it easy, your creator is fully aware of what is required for you to stay healthy. After all Nudity and Sex are His will. Lucifer is the one who tries to make us ashamed of it.

    4. It is interesting to hear a man who has this guilt. Women and young girls have this STILL! It is depressing. If God made us did he make a mistake in giving us sex organs? Especially women with a clitoris, an organ solely for sexual pleasure? Did God really make a mistake and give women a clitoris for it not to be touched? Very few women can orgasm by penetration alone (1 in 10?) so did God not want them to orgasm? Sexual satisfaction is good for health and vital for good relationships!

      1. Hi, I’m an 80 year old gal. I lost my husband in April of 2021. We enjoyed doing it solo but
        together. He had prostatic cancer when he was young but he had this device to pump his penis up that worked out. Our daughter threw out all our toys. I would love to have an artificial device but feel like I’d be grounded if it was discovered.

  34. I’m 61, male, and I have always enjoyed masturbation. I have come to view solo sex as an essential part of self-care. These days I am in a relationship and my partner and I have sex several times a week with multiple orgasms usually involved. We also mutually masturbate together and also masturbate on our own. When I was in my 20s I masturbated 20-30 times a week, now it is more like 5-10 times a week in addition to intercourse with my partner about 5-7 times a week. During times when I have not had a partner in the last 10 years, I have always enjoyed daily masturbation sessions. I use lubes, essential oils and also occasionally use a sex toy (Fleshlight). I feel lucky to be able to enjoy my own body and be in touch with how to pleasure myself, and have very strong orgasms when I masturbate but usually not quite as intense as PIV sex with my sweetheart.

    1. I am 64 and my wife 63. Married for 31 years but have not had sex in 25+ years. Wonderful woman – just has zero sex drive, even for herself, she does not masturbate.
      I, on the other hand, masturbate 2-3 times a day. For years I hid it but the last time I had a prostate examination my doctor told me that there was nothing to worry about but seimen was building up and that I might want to consider increase sex to relieve it.
      Knowing my wife was not into sex I told her about my discussion with the doctor and told her I understood her lack of interest in sex but that I was going to masturbate regularly. Finally it was out in the open and I didn’t have to hide it anymore. I felt liberated. I masturbate twice a day every day and enjoy the ejaculations more than ever before in my life. I remove the stigma by referring to it as a prostate exercise, rather than telling her I’m going to jerk off. She is ok with this and seems to understand. Age seems to be in my favour because I can get a healthy throbbing erection in no time and can ejaculate in about 20 minutes. I guess at my age it can’t get much better than this.

  35. I feel so much better now having read this.I’m 50 year old male and have always put of masturbation as I’ve had a feel of guilt after and change of I’ve read this I will feel more comfortable about it.thanks.

  36. I am eighty years old. My life has been very different. A few days after my thirteenth birthday I contracted polio. I couldn’t move or breathe. I was placed in an ‘iron lung’. I was almost completely paralyzed, but in most other respects I was a normal thirteen-year-old adolescent. It was while I was in the ‘iron lung’ that I had my first wet dream. I still remember the dream that accompanied the event. I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday. The dream had very little to do with sex, at least not as we would normally use that word. In the middle of the dream I woke up. At first I thought I was wetting the bed. A moment or two later I knew I wasn’t wetting the bed but I wasn’t sure what was happening. After a while I figured it out.

    My muscles didn’t work but my hormones sure did. After all, I was a teenage boy. In that respect I was no different from other boys my age. The only real difference was that I lived in a hospital. Most boys could arrange their own privacy. They could lock the bathroom door, or at least expect to be left alone when they were in their beds at night. They wouldn’t usually have trouble finding a place to sneak a peek at “girly magazines” or find a private time to masturbate. My problem was that I would wake up in the middle of the night on the verge of another wet dream. Sometimes I would go back to sleep, hoping to continue the dream, and hoping the dream would lead to the inevitable. Of course that would pose the embarrassing problem of semen on the sheets. But at those times you’re usually not thinking beyond the moment. In addition to living in a hospital, my options were limited by the weakness of my upper extremities, especially when lying down. I could not masturbate.

    I was discharged from the hospital after three years of intense therapy. I could walk well, but my breathing was still impaired and my arms were only partly functional. I probably had a pretty low physical self image, too. I was well liked and felt at ease with individuals or in small groups, but I was uncomfortable in many situations. This was especially true when I was around girls whom I had known before I contracted polio. There is a stereotype of a teenager looking into a mirror and saying, “I can’t go out tonight. I’ve got this great big zit on my face.” They think that everyone is going to be staring at their pimple. I was seldom troubled by acne, but walking with braces and having limited use of my upper extremities I sometimes felt that everyone in the room was watching me. It took many, many years for me to overcome this.

    I’ve never had a physical relationship. I’ve rationalized this by saying that I didn’t want to bring a child into this world without an adequate income to provide for him or her. This might be old fashioned, but having a wife and children without being able to support them is not acceptable to me. And I’ve had so many x-rays that any child of mine would probably have two heads.

    Coupled with this is the knowledge that I would need help with most of the basics involved with such a relationship: transportation, getting undressed, etc. This has been even more of a psychological obstacle in recent years. I have a hard time imagining myself saying, “Would you like to go out with me? Oh, by the way, you’ll have to come to my house and drive my van. And it would probably be a good idea if you learned to use my life support equipment … just in case.”

    I was treated successfully for prostate cancer fifteen years ago. I began to have nocturnal emissions again; something that hadn’t happened since I was a teenager. When I discussed this with my urologist he said I should be having regular sexual “release,” the term he used for ejaculation. He said I should do this once or twice a week. He said that this would be good for my prostate and asked me if could masturbate. I explained about the strength and range of motion problems that made masturbation nearly impossible for me. I would also have difficulty catching my semen before it hit the bed or floor. He suggested I ask a friend for help. I nearly fell out of my wheelchair. “Sure,” I thought. “Just walk up to somebody I know and ask them to jerk me off.” And pigs can fly! I have many friends, but I seriously doubt that any of them would offer this type of a “helping hand.” I explained to the doctor that, although I have many friends, I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking any of them for that type of help.

    Even at my age I am still trying to find a discrete, and successful, means to masturbate.

    1. Hello Richard, I lost my wife last October and I am 67. Until my wife became I’ll about ten years ago we had a very active sex life. She was German and fantastic in bed. I didn’t want to hurt he and I would secretly masturbate in the shower. Since her death I have bought some sex toys but could not use them as I suffered ED. Then I bought myself a satisfied wand with wings. It is a male vibrator and it is good. I place my flaccid penis between the wings and switch it on and within a minute I have a lovely erection and it always gives me an orgasm as I rub it up and down my penis. To clean it you can wash it in warm soapy water as it is made of silicone and is easy to clean. However, I have started to wear a condom as this catches my seven and stops it going everywhere. Try My Size condoms as they come in different sizes and find yourself one which is comfortable to wear. Best wishes my friend.

    2. When your doctor suggested having a friend help by masturbating you and you told him that you wouldn’t feel comfortable asking any of your friends you should have asked your doctor if he would do it for you. His office might not be the approximate place but you could meet somewhere.

    3. If you explain to your friends the situation and that the doctor had suggested that you ask a friend for help, I’m not positive but I’m pretty sure that under the circumstances you would have a friend that would be willing to help you out. You might be a little embarrassed or uncomfortable talking to your friends about it but consider the end result if someone will help you. If you are embarrassed then just ignore the embarrassment. While getting the help it will feel good so just remember that.

  37. I am near 82, have not had sexual intercourse for over 27 years, menopause really was a total sex killer. My wife has NIL libido anymore but was and is fully supportive of my masturbatory acts. We live apart but still interact daily. I masturbate to full ejaculation about every 6 to 8 days, but play and fondle myself at the computer or in the shower daily or even hourly.
    I have seen a recent interest in senior male sexual companionship and have indulged a dozen or so times,
    I make no secret of what I do, where, and how often. I watch a lot of porn and read a lot of erotica to create the full sexual arousal required, and i am content.

    1. I’m 74 and I’m struggling with a sexless marriage and have found comfort in Skype. Being naked online with a woman or man has a liberating affect. Exploring sexuality candidly with others has saved my sanity. I have not talked to my wife about this and it’s bothering me greatly as I’m still in love after 40+ years. I have expressed my desire to live naked and she seems to be accepting that I need to be free of many life long conventions.

    1. I’m 65 and my wife quit having sex with me over 17 years ago. So i masturbate daily, I don’t always have an orgasm but it feels good anyway. I do have ED and I take a generic of Cialis. It feels good to be able to have an erection. I have to admit that I do watch porn to help me finish the job. It would be nice to have sex again.

  38. I’m a 76 year old male, married to a 78 year old female. We married in 1967, divorced in 2000 (she remarried for just short of 7 years). We remarried in 2007. The last time I had intercourse was with her in 1998. I never really lost interest in sex, but it just went by the wayside, so I masturbated a lot. Even when I was young, masturbation, or I should say having an orgasm was never easy for me, it required work and took some time. Sex with a girl was much better.

    Now to my current situation: I have come to realize I definitely want to have a sexual orgasm again, but my wife has said she is not interested in sex. I tried some online sites and got plenty of responses, but could never bring myself to pursue them, mainly because i am diabetic and suffer from ED.

    I was just about to give up completely until one night about three weeks ago. I was asleep in bed and my wife was asleep in her bed (we have a king size sleep number bed which is comprised of basically two twin size beds together). We separated the beds several months back because I would have dreams in which I became very animated. These dreams always involved me being in a fight ( an earlier occupational hazard as a result of 34 year law enforcement career) and I would sometimes strike out and hit my wife. Thank goodness she was never actually injured, but we thought it might be prudent to separate the beds before she did get injured. Anyway, one night about three weeks ago I was asleep in bed and my wife was asleep in her bed and I was awakened by a lot of rustling of covers. I looked over and saw my wife lying on her back, covers off, with her arms and legs in the air. They were straight up in the air and her legs were to her left, her arms were to her right, and then she reversed them several times looking similar to a cheerleader for a sports team. Then she got up in one motion and went to the bathroom, came back to bed and went straight to sleep. I asked her about this behavior the next morning and she said she had no idea what I was talking about, but that she sometimes moves around in her sleep. Given my history of fighting in my sleep, I just shrugged it off and put it out of my mind.

    The next night while we were in bed asleep I again awakened by a rustling of covers. When I looked over at my wife she was lying on her back with the covers down to about waist level. Her left arm/hand was inserted under the covers toward he genital area and she was vigorously making a movement very similar to that which I use when masturbating. Then I saw that her right arm/hand was bent up to her left breast and she was vigorously massaging her nipple and breast. I watched for a couple of minutes and saw her open her eyes and look straight at me. Being no fool, I immediately slid off my bed onto the floor and moved over to her bed. As I was inserting my hand under to covers toward hers and telling her I saw what she was doing, and that it turned me on so I came over to help, she sat up in bed and pushed my hand and me away and said “I’m not either doing that” and continued pushing me away and saying “quit that”. She seemed fearful. I got back in bed and we both went back to sleep (she quicker than me). The next day we finally spoke about it mid morning and she thought I was having a hallucination and I should talk to my doctor about it. Later that day I did send my doctor a message briefly describing the above in about four sentences. His nurse replied to me and said the doctor said to stop my testosterone injections.

    Since that night I have observed my wife repeatedly masturbating to orgasm from two to six times each and every night (although less and less overtly, as if she is aware that someone may be watching) and she continually massages her vagina and breast(s) from the time she goes to bed until she gets up, with few breaks in between. However, she does appear to be asleep and meet the criteria for sexsomnia.

    Finally, to the crux of the matter. I am not offended by my wife’s masturbation activity, I am actually turned on. I’m just trying to figure out how to let her realize what she is doing, in a non-accusatory manner, and invite me to participate.

    1. Paul. My first wife after having our children did not want sexual intercourse. One day I came home unexpectedly at lunch time to collect something I needed for work. When I got in the house my wife was not around. But I heard moaning coming from out bedroom. The door was ajar and she was naked on the bed masturbating. I said nothing and collected what I needed. Later that year I asked her to masturbate me. She did and told me that she preferred to masturbate herself Maybe you suggest

    2. I miss having sex with my husband .my husband passed away in 3 20 2022 .we were married for 46 years, we had a great sex life until he got sick. I had breast cancer in 2015 ,he did not have a problem with me not having breast. I would love to be with a man again but until then I’m mastorbating I enjoy it but it’s not the same as with a person .I love to kiss and being touched.

  39. My wife and I are in our 70s, married over 50 years, and make love about 3 times a month. Things don’t come as easily as they did before , but thanks to Viagra, some toys, and a little patience, we manage to have fulfilling sex. She has amazing orgasms when I’m inside her, and I consider myself a lucky man that I can still please her. However, three times a month is about her limit, which isn’t quite enough for me, so I masturbate about 3 or 4 times a month as well. I find porno to be the best stimulation for me, and my favorite videos are of mature women having sex with younger men. I fantasize that they are making love to my wife, which really turns me on. I told my wife about my fantasy once, and she couldn’t understand it. She said the last thing she would fantasize about would be me making love to another woman. I guess men and women are very different.

      1. I haven’t seen any or many women comment. Have I just missed them? I am 70 years old. My husband passed away almost 12 years ago and we hadn’t been intimate probably 5 years prior to that. I have not been with anyone in 17 years. I have not masturbated ever. Where do I start and what do I do? I was hoping to find comments from women. Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

    1. I’m 75, married 52 years and masturbate 3-4 times per week. In fact up until (about) the age of 60, I jerked off every day. In my teens and early 20’s, 2 or 3 times a day. I have to put more effort into masturbation now but the reward seems to be far greater than it used to be.

      1. Good question Don. I am 65 and masturbate 2 times day, every day. Sometimes 3 times a day.
        Been at that pace since I was 15.
        Don’t appear to be slowing down either. So multiple times a day for half a century hasn’t done me any harm. Best of luck.

  40. I am happily married and enjoy sex with my husband BUT there is also great pleasure in self masterbation both wit and without a toy. Sometimes twice a day I feel the need then can go a few days without, it’s about your feeling and needs, go for it.

  41. I am a 96 year old man, living alone, and masturbation is one of the remaining pleasures of life. but lately i feel my orgasms are a strain on my heart. can i talk about this with my cardiologist who, incidentally, is a woman?

    1. Hi Edward. I’m 77 and masturbate twice a week. I have heart valve disease. I asked my cardiologist (a male) and he said in theory you could have a heart attack during sex, but highly unlikely. Your heart is pumping faster, but it is for such a short period it is not that risky. And he did add that it would be a nice way to go if a heart attack was imminent anyway.

      1. I am 86 and as my lady friend lives in another town, most of the time I am alone. I masturbate now once a week. I take Viagra and watch porn as I masturbate. I carry it on for about an hour before I climax. Erection is not what is used to be, but does the job. When I cum, it is just a couple of drops of sticky fluid, I am not sure if it is sperm. But I love doing it and hope will be able to continue for years to come

    2. Great to hear that you are still masturbate at 96, I am 74, widowed but masturbate frequently around 20 times a week, however, I only ejaculate about once a week, the other ‘ wanks’ are very comfortable and pleasureable, these seasons with my erect penis usually last around anything from 5 to 30 minutes before my penis goes flaccid, I don’t force anything, so if I “cum” all good and well, if not OK, if I do ejaculate I will not masturbate the next day, ha, my little boy nerds a full rest.

      1. Well, at 73 I thought I’m old. My problem though, is that I feel guilty any time I masturbate. I always feel like I’m offending God. But I’m not married and I would rather do that than to have my iheart broken. Each time I say the last time, I still do it

      1. Hello sweetheart I am 58 my woman Freind is 62 I’m going to help her paint next weekend for 3 days I’m sexually attached to her how can I get her to feel comfortable and eventually make love to her. Thank you for reading my note. David

    3. I’m 72, living alone, and masturbation is a pleasure in my life. I have heart problems and I told my male cardiologist that I masturbate. He said that it should be okay. There is no guarantee for anything. I have seen in internet websites that say that masturbating with heart disease is okay. I masturbate every 4 or 5 days and get pleasure from it. I also told a heart expert with the electrical system of the heart and he said no problem. So go ahead and masturbate.

  42. Those were the days! My wife and I used to have hours of sex a couple of times a week, then not sure what happened, but, she just became uninterested in it after a few years of marriage. I used to masturbate in my sleep, and my wife thought I was laughing, then realized I was masturbating. Then when I woke up, I would masturbate in the bathroom! Now I’m 60 and still masturbate a few times a week, but after not have relations with my wife for almost 10 years, now, I really, really miss it! It does make you feel undesirable!

    1. That was the same with me, from 14 to 24 I masturbated frequently, around 15/16 times a week and always had loads of semen in a ejaculate, sometimes after school us boys would see who had the most amount of semen released during one of those sessions at the back of the cycle shed, I always ejaculated the most
      After I got married and had sex with my wife she thought that I was peeing into her because of the amount of semen I ejaculated into her when we made love, no it wasn’t pee just the sheer amount, at first we used toilet paper to clean up afterwards but there was so much semen we used a special towel to clean up. Lol, she called me a spunk machine because of how much semen I had when we had those sometimes more than a hour sessions in bed before we went to sleep, those were great days, even now I get a erection and a little wank just thinking of them

      1. Almorr, LOL. No denying you need it then. You are an excellent example of how some men simply need it more and so should not be judged against those who need far less. My husband and I believe our sex is for love but masturbation is for health, pleasure, and need. No question you have great need.

  43. My husband has been unable to have an erection for 8-10 years. I miss sex! So I masturbate for sexual release. He has never tried to help me find sexual pleasures through other outlets he could do. He just ignores me. I told him there are other avenues he could use he just ignores me.

    1. that is terrible, I feel so bad for you. your husband has no desire to give you an orgasm, in both my marriages I enjoyed so much giving my wives multiple orgasms with oral sex. the problem is deeper than just sex it appears, hope you guys seek some help and work it out

    2. Hi Teena and I sympathize with you its frustrating. I am married to same man almost 49 years and sex disappeared from our lives due to high blood pressure and mini strokess and a lot of meds….i tried to understand and I did…next came afib and finally they put a watchman in…he is doing well and looks great for 75 just cant hold erection and my beef is try something new….that didn’t work either….so I finally blew up and took things to a different level in between masturbation….i shaved all the hair off between my legs and I love it..i use coconut oil to lubricate and love to massage coconut oil cream all over my body….the next thing I did was to start watching porn on my phone and let him know I was…i stopped wearing bras around d our home and made sure he sees me rubbing my nipples…and the next thing I did was purchase some sex toys and vibrators and a dildo and I made sure he knew….i want to have a relationship of closeness and cuddling like we use to have….and I was going to succeed…..i started to have serious conversations with him and what I wanted so I told him its the end of pjs in bed its going naked….and is it nice. I got him shirtless and sometimes shorts off….its getting better….i will give oral sex to him and can feel some stiffness…he will pleasure me and I love my breasts rubbed and squeezed and sucked and always did….i love a mans chest and can turn me on immediately….i also ordered my husband a penis pump and he used it a couple of times but we need more work in that area…..i want to massage his prostate anally to give him a prostate orgasm and still pushing for that. I want to pleasure him and it frustrates me….so I pushed another point… asked him to call the doctor and set up appointment for his wellness physical and I asked him to talk to the doctor about the blue pill….we will see what happens next ….i did do another thing….mine is coming up in October and I had my paperwork already a questionnaire and it asks about sex….so I left a post it note on his envelope to answer question 14 correctly and honestly….overall there are things we can do to repair problems if there is enough love between us and I see how much improvement we made with me pushing it and dropping the sheet….we are human and have needs and not many more years to enjoy each other and I want it..i like it and its amazing the deepness of my orgasms….we also communicate more and we sit and listen to music soft rock from the 60s on up and what a ride that is….memories are great and they sure can perk my nipples up….and we were the parents of 4 boys now the grandparents of 3 girls and 1 boy….so we now have some privacy….

    3. Teena, I am in the exact same position as you. Do you know if he masturbates? Mine does, frequently. He will not talk about sex most of the time. I showed him a good website with info about what we could do. Recently he told me he was not interested in sex ?me? anymore. I don’t believe it as he sure seems to have a need to go solo a lot. He won’t try the Viagra the doctor gave us. He is afraid it won’t work. I feel very upset, lonely and rejected, not to mention frustrated.
      Anyone have any ideas?? I did talk to our doctor and his first words were “do you want to leave him?” But didn’t have any further suggestions.

      1. I’m a widower now but even through tough medical times we still managed masturbation. She loved it and now with just the memories I can be happy that she was happy.

  44. I am 60 Yr old male who loves to masturbate a lot. sometimes daily or every few days. I have been alone 2 and a half years now and before that was in a sexless marriage. I do all the right things to stay healthy and enjoy some wonderful orgasms. if anyone wants to talk about it and how to keep enjoying it let me know.

    1. Hello!
      I am a 54 and masturbates a lot and I enjoy it! However, i feel bad for my wife coz i only do it to her very very seldom.
      I use porn. I do it regardless of how i feel: happy, frustrated, bored, scared.
      I get this weird notion.. if masturbation greatly influences (like an addiction), do you also have that craving in the afterlife? If yes, that’s terrible!

    2. No harm on masturbating frequently Jeff, I do find however that I can’t ejaculate nearly as often as did when I was a teenager, every time I masturbated then which was probably around 20 times a week I ejaculated loads of semen, what most of us called spunk, however, since I was 65 I don’t ejaculate nearly as much but actually masturbate more often, sometimes as much as 18 times a day, I certainly couldn’t do that if I did ejaculate.

  45. I’m so happy to find a discussion group around what happens when the sex stops and what is left is maybe masterbation to release sexual tension. I love my wife dearly and she is my soulmate. We stopped haveing sexual intercourse years ago. I do masterbate when privacy allows but do have the feeling of guilt. My wife asked I masterbate only in front of her but I really cannot. I’m just asking how other couples address this issue. Thanks so much for being here and this discussion.

    1. My wife and I don’t have sex any more but she encourages me to masterbate. Usually she will take off my pants in the living room and has me start in front of her then has me go to another room to finish. When I return without pants she asks if I had success.

      1. Hi Sally, I don’t penetrate my wife anymore as she says she’s gone off it….I’d love to introduce her to toys etc to rekindle her desire…can you advise on the best ones…I’m 66, wife is 67

      2. Hi Sally!
        Really good to hear that you give yourself so much pleassure. I`m 80 years old and masturbates daily too. My wife died 6 years ago.
        Love from Ole.

    2. Sergio you need to try and let go of inhibitions and masturbate in front of your wife. Having done this with my partner numerous times, I can tell you it is incredibly hot! Even if your wife doesn’t participate by masturbating herself (which, if she wanted to, would make it really awesome because it’s so fun to watch…) she can be there with you as you stroke yourself and encourage you to enjoy and have a nice orgasm. She can even help clean up. That’s what a soulmate can do even if she does not want sex herself. Now with regard to her, perhaps there is a health issue that is preventing her from enjoying solo or partner sex. Support her in trying to address that and down the road you’ll both be better off. But in summary, if you enjoy masturbation and find it satisfying, then do it as often as you like and be guilt-free about it.

  46. I have newly reawakened to solo love. It has been a very long time. My sexual needs are now a priority. Guidelines & techniques, suggestions & ideas are welcome. I have read all of your comments and have found everyone useful & encouraging. I have persistent genital arousals and works w/ and around them. I have recently been diagnosed. It happened spontaneously. I am feeling vulnurable, apprehensive, but am open & have need of insight from this forum.

    1. Don’t you find that the web itself is of great assistance Liz, or is it something that only guys admit too?
      No only the free availability of porn of such variety for erotic stimulation, but that you can have partners who are physically anonymous from anywhere in the world, with whom you can share an online normal life in terns of friendship, as well as a sexual one?
      I have for more than ten years now had online sex with a couple of women regularly… We know just about everything about each other, other than our true identities, shared sexual experiences and likes, sent each other erotic pics and videos, talked and fantasised of sex with each other and mutually masturbated… and this sharing is so much more stimulating than being solo or alone…
      You must try it… All you need do is set up an email address that is totally anonymous, find yourself an online partner, and chat away and see how it goes…. totally free !
      I’m a professional heterosexual male of 67, married for many years with three grown up kids, happily married but with a wife who hasn’t been interested in sex for some years… My online sexual relationships have in fact saved my marriage.

      … Whether it’s friendship, someone to safely masturbate with online.. Or both… or just to chat..!
      You can do so safely and with whatever level of anonymity you desire…

      1. You couldn’t have said it any better. I’m 74 and in a sexless marriage and have never had an affair. But, I regularly have virtual sex with a couple lady friends. It has saved my sanity as porn just wasn’t doing it for me anymore. Now I share life’s challenges and rewards with someone anonymously. There is so much pleasure in being naked and completely liberated while chatting and masturbating with a friend. It’s probably a good thing that they live so far away because we would surely meet I believe. I hope our experience helps others understand that sexuality explored can be a life saver in certain situations.

      2. I’m 74 and in a sexless marriage and have never had an affair. But, I regularly have virtual sex with a couple lady friends. It has saved my sanity as porn just wasn’t doing it for me anymore. Now I share life’s challenges and rewards with someone anonymously. There is so much pleasure in being naked and completely liberated while chatting and masturbating with a friend. It’s probably a good thing that they live so far away because we would surely meet I believe. I hope our experience helps others understand that sexuality explored can be a life saver in certain situations.

      3. Same situation here. 72 male, sexless marriage. Would love to meet a lady or two to have an online relationship with for sex – talk and mutual masturbation. But how do I find someone anonymously with same interest as mine?Once I connected with an interested woman, I guess we could use Zoom. But how to find her? Sites like Chaturbate &Jerkmate feature women who want money.

    1. Hi Wayne …. I’m a 63y/o male and like you I enjoy masterbating 3-5 times week and I really enjoy it …. I have a question for you have you ever been curious about tasting your cum? …. After I cum in my hand I’m so interested in swallowing it ….. Please let me know your thoughts on this ….. Thanks, Rob

      1. I always felt that what was good for the goose was good for the gander. I never tasted my own cum till I was about 55.
        I was masturbating and fantasizing about the first time I came in a woman’s mouth. It was my first wife, we were in our 20s at the time. When she was done swallowing she looked up at me and “well, at least your cum tastes good”. I never dug any deeper but Im pretty sure she tasted her fair share of cum before me. So I guess I always wondered myself. So when I ejaculated into my hand one day I just gobbled it up real fast. And I had to agree with her 30 years later – it didn’t taste bad. I don’t do it often but every once in a while I just do. I think there are a lot of men that do, but don’t talk about it. Hey, its just masturbation. Nobody it getting hurt or abused here. Its just you and your best friend “you”. Enjoy.

  47. I am a masturbation addict. I am 74 as is my wife . She used to enjoy receiving oral sex, but doesn’t really care for it anymore. I enjoy doing it but I’ve given up. I am now addicted to internet porn and really enjoy masturbating to it. My wife knows I do it and shames me for it. I have to confess that I feel guilty!

    1. Just use a motorised toothbrush with two heads. With the brush, Give massage to your nipples and penis. Finally keep the fine skin underneath the head of penis over and between the two heads of the brush asked give strokes against a wash basin while supporting penis .
      I do this to release sexual tension. I am on blood pressure pills and cannot have arousal. If I don’t do this every woman attracts me.

      1. Recently I convinced my urologist to drop my Flomax and prescribe Tadalafil 5mil day. Helps my night time trips and It is easier to get hard. As I masturbate a lot, this is a game changer. It costs me about $1 a pill as it is an approved treatment for an enlarged prostate.

  48. Many times when you are in
    bed aione you feel the need
    of to have an intercourse
    as you cannot the alternative
    is a MasturbationTaking all the
    time necessary to ejaculate.I am
    a 79 year young and enjoy the female
    body but having a small penis it’s
    difficult to please your partner,
    so with both of you masturbatin
    increase the pleasure of the body.

      1. I am not sure if size dictates frequency. My penis is almost 8” fully erect and I masterbate twice a day. I’m 65 and enjoy masturbation now more than any other time in my life.

  49. Unlike other e-discussions, this is real information from real people for real people. I am a 64 year old male that carries all of the parochial and emotional baggage that typically surrounds masturbation. Throw into that mix the feelings that you are somehow “cheating” or degrading your relationship with your significant other and, well, for some self pleasure can be a mental mess. What I have begun to focus on to relieve the mental anguish is the stress relief that self-pleasure can provide; an interval for me sometimes in the midst of dealing with day to day situations. Relaxed and clear of mind I find I can re-approach stressful situations in a different frame of mind. I don’t miss out on the occasional luxuriously long self love sessions, but those are less frequent as they do act to decrease my desire for physical relations with my significant other. Like most other’s in their 60s we spend less intimate time together, although my wife while always willing has said she’s somewhat relieved our frequency and focus on intimate relations has subsided “some.” It’s a balancing act but I find, more than ever, masturbation very useful as natures own pressure relief valve.

    1. Kevin I too have the same problem that you do one of the things that bother me is at 866 I have been married for 44 years. I am willing to please my wife in anything that she wants me to do because I love her. But with the shoes on the other foot, she is not willing to please me because she doesn’t want to. That seems to be to be a very selfish thing. Because if she truly loves me she is willing to satisfy me just as I would satisfy her. In the book penis and Moore’s men are so much different than women because we are more physical and I have so much more of a sex drive. Women lose to sex drive better not willing to take pills because both side of backs. Even in the It talks about how married couples are supposed to enjoy one another the women has a duty and a man has a duty we are made to love and enjoy each other‘s body. So it is not OK not to joy each other physically especially because the man enjoys it more affluent woman decides to stop. It seems to be that this is a very selfish behavior.I have the same problem with my wife and I am frustrated.

    1. Susan;
      I am also without my partner she passed away.
      I still have a desire to have sex and orgasm’s so it’s nice to hear that other people feel the same way and without guilt because it’s perfectly normal and healthy even though you don’t have a partner.

      1. I am also a widower 78 years old, it’s pretty hard to find a woman at our age who want’s to have casual sex. I enjoy sex and miss it very much so for me an alternative is masturbation. it’s not as good as sex with a woman but it does relieve your sexual tensions and that is a plus. I use a manual masturbating toy made out of soft rubber and it feels good and I just ordered a vibrating one so I am waiting for my new friend to come in the mail.

  50. I am a 72 year old man. I’ve been happily married for 45 years. My wife has had medical issues which prevent intercourse. I have masturbated ever since I was 11, and I love it still today. My wife knows I jack off and watches regularly. Today she finished me off after 40 minutes.

    In the past year I have mastered edging. I am able to prolong masturbation for over an hour. It is so pleasurable. I only wish i had tried it sooner. The ejaculations are better than ever.

  51. At 80 I still get off via masturbation, we are still both living but she has serious back issues ruling out intercourse. I want to keep masturbating until I die and every time I ejaculate I am thinking “What a way to die”

  52. My wife knows I do it sometimes in bed beside her we don’t do it together which I wish we would I’m 65 years old and I still love it today as I did when I was 20. But over the years she has come up with mobility problems so intercourse is the problem masturbation and orgasms is great but she doesn’t initiate it I have to what do I do

    1. I always initiatewhen i want if i were you i would say baby i wanna lick and kiss u till whenever ..and if she doesnt agree go to therapy ….if she does start kissing her tell her everything you love about her if she gives instart licking her nipples the most gentleway possible …do not rush it ask her if she likes it … all that just make her feel turned on it takes at least 6 or 10 min ….im sure if you are patient it willll work …unless she is totally checked out

      Even the men ive read on here with wives that are older with heath or physical problems ….think if it was YOU you still are alive and Love eachother i bet the orgasms will be so great …. Make it work ….its 2020 there is lube toys lotions …put a pillow under her ….say i want to make love to you be selflesss ……BE FUCKING HUMBLE. Thats my advice as a 33 yrold female because if i was in any of these situations id make it work … fiance died so i cant do these things ….they are stilll alive no!?!?

  53. I am a 67 year old diabetic, and have had problems with erections for the last two years. I am exploring the possibilities of penile shots that create erections, but in the meantime give myself regular orgasms daily with an electric vibrator that is about 300 horsepower. My fear is if this thing ever quits, where will I find another one. I do miss the touch of another person, and think about trying friends with benefits sites. Not sure if anybody would be interested in an old guy like me.

    1. iam a 80yo male, recently a widower, my wife was a sexualy attractive women and was a terrific sex partner. I’ve been a diabetic for 50 years and I have ED, so I use a cock pump with cock rings and get it to nearly 8 inches like the dick my wife of 55years fell in love with. In our later years, we started talking about past sex partners, but I know she had more partners then she admitted to. My wife was a brunette beauty with 362dd tits and gorgeous legs. Anyway, those talks would lead to intense orgasims. I thought it wouldn’t end! Then all of a sudden she was gone! Now I want to jackoff thinking of her but I feel guilty because Iam Christian and websites say that is wrong and should seek other avenues of enjoyment. Ive watched porn seeking mature women who resemble my late wife, I do get aroused and want to jackoff but I don’t want to offend my beliefs. Any comments?

      1. Joe , Have you ever wondered why Priest who stick to their vows have the highest prostate cancer rate in the world. Jesus was the martyr. No one is asking you to be a martyr. God created you nude because he wanted humans to remain nude and He is also the One responsible for creating your brain and he is the one responsible for the way your body reacts when when females are around whether you want erections or not. Remember Lucifer is the one who told you Nudity and Sex was your shame. We bought it. It is not true. However society thinks it is. Indecent Exposure? what is that? I think I would be careful casually saying that to God’s face. Your creator would probably be happier if you were to exercise you God given skills with a new mate. But in the meantime, don’t allow the temple he gave you to fall in disrepair.

      2. Hi Joe!
        I am in a similar position to you – Christian, widowed, and hugely missing sex.
        I would advise against watching porn.
        Think of your wife. Get some good lube (there is stuff in England called Tingle from Durex, which adds a different dimension! Highly recommended).
        And as you handle yourself, remember your wife, and thank God for her.

  54. I am 68, been a masturbator without guilt and with much pleasure since I was 11 and discovered it privately when in the rush of emotions and hormones of puberty. The first time was ecstasy indescribable. And although I went through a time of exploration with other teen guys, (mutual masturbation), I decided I didn’t want that lifestyle, married, have been married for 40 years. Although we had a good sex-life, my wife has lost interest (meds and discomfort), and gradually, after continuing to try to initiate, I gave up and rely on my old friend, JO, as I refer to it in text. I play about every day, although I only cum about maybe twice a week. I do enjoy the assistance of the internet :) and find masturbation perfectly normal and although not as urgent to rush to orgasm as in my teens, much more time consuming as I fondle and explore. Although my wife has known for years that I JO, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t, never did and isn’t interested for herself. So, although she knows, I keep it a private thing and since she sleeps in in the morning, morning is my time, with coffee and internet.

    1. I feel the same way. Cheated and wanting sex with her but she just has no desire anymore. Very frustrating. I dont want to hurt her by having an affair and dont want to leave her because she and i fo love each other. She just has no desire for sex and for some reason just expects me to go without as well. I cant do that and have secretly had discreet sexual encounters with two women from my past but feel guilty afterwards so my options are kind of limited. I masturbate alot preferably with her watching but thst doesnt even get her in the mood. Temporarily satisfying but still very frustrating. I want a women who wants and enjoys sex as much as i do and i feel cheated after all these years that im growing old without that.

      1. My wife is the same way, ZERO interest in sex since menopause. I resort to masturbating like you, I like to play daily in the morning, finishing a couple of times a week.

        My wife also knows and I don’t have to hide it anymore. She said she knew I did for years and has been very accepting of it.
        I may be older but still enjoy sexual pleasure.

      2. I was married for 40 years and the same situation. I then reflected on what I want vs her wants and discovered her wants were alys addressed while mine were dismissed as selfish. – skip to the end – I’m remarried and very happy now. should have done this 20 years ago.

  55. Hi! My therapist suggested that I learn more about personal organisms & thus us my 1st stop. Thank you for this info. I’m a 74 yr “young” divorcee. I’ve been divorced since ’24…but he no longer wanted intimacy as far back as ’11. We were married for 24 years when he asked for a divorce over the phone. AND he’s 13 yrs my junior (yep! I’m a Cougar:-)…& that was NEVER a problem. I grew up in many foster homes & I was sexually abused &/or raped in most if them. From the age of 4, I BELIEVED that if a man wanted to have sex w/me it was quite a compliment! And visa versa. I had been/ was quite promiscuous. I was 40, the mother of two boys & long divorced from my starter husband when I heard about a clitoris. I bought the book, Our Bodies, Our selves. Then a mirror & found it! BUT I’ve ALWAYS been afraid of losing control. Even today, when I try to masturbate, I stop my self before I have an orgasm. I did have one, years ago that made me appreciate what my friends talked about. I was beautifully stoned, the ONLY time I EVER felt that free & I was alone & DAMN! I want THAT again but I simply cannot let myself! After reading the article & replies…I’m going to try to get there again. I want to. I would like to meet a man that I could trust enough to let myself “go”…I’m thinking I have to learn to be able to experience that w/another. Wish me luck, everyone & thank you for sharing.

  56. I masterbate and enjoy each and every climax. My husband has ED and just simply stopped sex with no talk or even trying. I find my marriage has taken a strange turn! We hold hands and act like we are a couple but a piece of the puzzle has been missing for a long time. I feel compelled to stay like this after so long of being together but there are many times when I want to just “break free”. I guess I want him to see this and even after several considerate talks the situation remains the same. I think he is a wonderful man but not a wonderful husband. Am I being awful?
    After all these years of us having a family and moving to where he wanted to live I cannot help but feel cheated. Any help or advice would be appreciated. Thanks for listening to my rant! We

    1. Hi Lyn, I am male and feel the same way. My wife and I are a great couple together, but sexually, a mismatch and always have been. I feel the same way, i would like to break free at times and I think it would be possible to find a more sexually compatible partner, but then I don’t want to start over, kind of trapped I guess. It is what it is, I feel unfulfilled and empty when it comes to sex. I have so much I would give to a sexual woman. Massages, oral and full sex. I think there is a lot that can be enjoyed sexually that is not just PIV and orgasm in 5 minutes.

  57. I’ve in my late 60s and been giving myself wonderful organisms in the shower for the past couple of years, using the hand-held shower head on high pressure…well, not too high…

    It’s fantastic, and makes me feel great all day after my morning shower and play. I feel so grateful to my body for giving me such intense pleasure. It’s a beautiful gift.

    1. I am getting old so my erection isn’t what it was so I can’t satisfy her with that as in your partners case. But my partner and I have fantastic sexy sessions where I spend hours giving her massages, enjoy her breasts, oral, fingers, toys even hand inside and she has orgasm after orgasm so she feels very happy with me and me with her. She plays with me even though not hard which is also great.

      So my advice for what it is worth is to encourage your man to do all the things he has undoubtedly seen on porn – except penetration which he cannot. You will both enjoy yourself!!

  58. Just turned 80 and still need to masturbate about once aweek, used to be 3 times a day at 16.

    Been solo sexual for 25 years and still cannot do without the release, it keeps me sane and probably out of jail. Three cheers for Viagra, detachable showerhead, and the internet!

  59. Thanks for sharing, it helps to know you are not alone in solo sex. I am 75 and struggling with ED. Thankful the web has helped find answers and today my wife and I are talking about our sex lives at breakfast .

  60. Masturbation. Yes i will say it again the dreadful M word Masturbation. Everyone or almost everyone does it or did it. Those that have not are missing the ability to experience one of lifes pleasures. Whether in a relationship or alone masturbation will provide you that sexual release for the moment. It has been taboo for many years for women to admit that they masturbate but during a recent paper i wrote for a masters class just as many women admitted to masturbating and some more often than men.

    Whether you choke our chicken flick your clit or just jerk off, masturbation is a great addition or substitute for that partner.

    Masturbator since 14.


    1. Yes I do. I enjoy communication with men and women who are open and honest about the ability of the human body to produce endorphins and oxytocin from touch, interaction, art and nude recreation. Where sun and wind are the only elements between nature and our bodies. Life is about giving and accepting pleasure without guilt.

  61. Great article and full of useful info. I am 76 years old and happily married for 54 years. I have masturbated since I was 13 and still do about 1 – 2 times a week. Still with the same vigor and enjoyment. My wife and I both masturbate, sometimes alone and sometimes together, also we masturbate each other. Very enjoyable!. Thank you for the article.

  62. I am a 53 year old married man who has enjoyed regular masturbation since childhood. My wife and I have had an active sex life and also masurbate together. She knew when we married that I masturbated several times daily. I now masturbate 1-4 times a day. Usually twice (morning and evening) but never miss a day. It is part of my daily routine and enjoy it whether I’m aroused or not. It has kept everything working really well in that area. After about 19,000 lifetime masturbation orgasms and about 2000 additional one’s from sexual intercourse my body is working like it did when in my 20’s except it takes a little longer to orgasm which is a positive for me. I masturbate whenever I want and would recomend it for everyone as long as it doesn’t cause conflicts in other areas of your life. Enjoy

  63. Brava! and Braov! A splendid and timely affirmation of solo sex, something most of us enjoyed repeatedly much of our lives all the while convinced that something that feels so good cannot be bad no matter who told us otherwise. And the newly experienced pleasures with benefits continue.

  64. I just want to thank you for speaking about masturbation—the “hushed word” that so many of us seniors grew up recognizing as, like you say, dirty, shameful, forbidden!! It is a topic that needs to be spoken of more so that masturbation can be realized as a natural, healthy and important part of our journey here on earth. I wish everyone, seniors or otherwise….love, in all its many and beautiful ways.

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