Healthy Aging

A Senior’s Guide to Solo Sex

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Have more questions about sex for seniors?  Every month Senior Planet’s award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Subscribe now (do it here) and don’t miss a single column!  

Masturbation is a hard-sounding word for an activity that’s immensely pleasurable and self-loving. It’s sex with the person who knows you the best: yourself. Self-pleasuring is delicious sex, and it doesn’t matter how old we are, whether or not we have a partner, if arousal and orgasms are easy for us or we’ve grown up to think of masturbation as shameful—even sinful (more on that later). Staying sexual is within our own power.

Here are some reasons that we, as seniors, might want to enjoy solo sex:

5 Reasons to Self-Pleasure

  1. You don’t have a partner. Many of us have no sexual partner at this time in our lives. Too often, I hear this from older women: “When I meet someone, I’ll think about sex again. Until then, it doesn’t matter.” It does matter. If we put sex on hold for months, years, decades, it will be much more difficult to enjoy sex if a partner does show up later on. It’s up to us to stay healthy and sexually vibrant with regular arousal and orgasms. Even if you don’t care about being partnered again, sex with yourself is important for health and wellbeing.
  2. You have a partner, but little or no sexual interaction. Many of us can’t have full sexual expression with our partners due to medical or relationship issues. Perhaps one partner has lost interest or is no longer able to engage sexually, so the other gives up on sex. Or you and your partner are no longer sexually attracted to each other, but for other reasons, you want to stay together.
  3. What used to bring you to orgasm doesn’t do it anymore. Our responses change as we age, and what aroused us in the past may not be what works for us now. The best way to figure out what does work for us now is to experiment on our own. What kind of touch do you like? Where, exactly? What pace? What intensity? The most direct way to stay in tune with what you need for sexual pleasure is to experiment with your own hands— and, of course, sex toys. Once you find the path to pleasure on your own, you can teach it to your partner if you have one. And if you don’t, that doesn’t have to mean a lack of orgasms!
  4. You have a partner and are having sex, but you rarely have an orgasm. We may need more warmup/ foreplay/ sex play than our partners give us, or stronger intensity or a particular kind of stroking. Of course, communication is key: Let your partner know exactly what you need. (Mind-reading is vastly overrated.) In addition, getting yourself ready on your own before or during partner sex makes everything work better.
  5. It just feels good! Our reason to masturbate doesn’t have to be because something else isn’t going well. It can be because we like it, we know how to please ourselves and we’re good at giving ourselves orgasms. It can be as simple as that.

Orgasms are Good for You—No Partner Required

A whole body of research shows that sex—with a partner and solo—enhances health. Here are just a few of the benefits of sexual activity and orgasm. (For more, see my book, “The Ultimate Guide to Sex after Fifty: How to Maintain— or Regain!— a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life):

  • Reduces stress
  • Enhances mood
  • Strengthens the immune system
  • Helps fight infection and disease
  • Lowers diastolic blood pressure
  • Keeps sex organs healthy
  • Improves blood flow
  • Helps with sleep
  • Relieves headaches and other body aches
  • Relieves depression
  • Reduces risk of heart disease
  • May reduce risk of prostate cancer
  • Relieves chronic pain
  • Increases blood flow to the brain, increasing mental acuity
  • Makes your skin glow
  • Relaxes you
  • Makes you happier
  • Feels really good

Reasons not to self-pleasure? Hmm… Can’t think of any.

Why Are We Reluctant or Embarrassed to Self-Pleasure?

If masturbation is good for our physical, emotional and relationship health, why is it so hard for us to talk about or even think about it? We were brought up during a sex-negative era, meaning that we were taught that sex and sexual desire were shameful, sexual pleasure was never discussed and our sex education was mainly “don’t do it.”

That applied to masturbation, too, although you’d think a culture that wanted us to delay partner sex would encourage this safe and private outlet. But no, we were taught that our genitals are dirty and we shouldn’t touch them, except for hygienic needs.

We’ve thrown off many restrictive teachings from our early youth, but for many of us, this one is especially tenacious.
“Probably no other common activity carries such a burden of shame and guilt as masturbation,” says Dr. David Pittle, a sex and relationship therapist based in San Rafael, California. “Most of us over 60 grew up with a pile of bad teaching about masturbation: ‘It will make you go blind’; ‘It is prohibited by our religion’; ‘Nice girls don’t.’ Our parents, pastors, priests and imams were wrong. Not only is masturbation not sinful, it is a very healthy and contributes to our physical and mental well-being. If you are not masturbating, then you would well begin. Spell the word as ‘Loving yourself.’”

What To Do If You’re Not Inspired

Our retreating hormones and decreased blood flow make it easy to forget about sex, because there’s less urgency. Yet the less we experience arousal and orgasm, the more difficult it is to get there when we want to. If it’s already difficult for you to arouse yourself to orgasm, that’s a good reason to masturbate more rather than less. Sexual arousal and orgasm bring blood flow to the genitals and help to tone our pelvic floor muscles. The more we do it, the easier it becomes. Give yourself at least one or two orgasms a week and you’ll feel the difference. You’ll find that the physical arousal will happen that will trigger your emotional arousal, which triggers more physical arousal, until it’s all working just right.

For those of you who insist that masturbation is inferior to sex with a loving partner, my response is that there’s nothing inferior about sex with the person who knows you best.

How to Make Solo Sex Work for You 

From planning to sex toys, take these steps to give yourself the best chance for an orgasmic experience.

  1. Make a date with yourself. Don’t leave self-pleasuring to chance. Our arousal capability ebbs and flows, so schedule your dates with yourself during the time of day when you feel most sexually charged. Not sure when that is? Orgasms are easier before a meal, not afterward, and not when you’re tired. You might get aroused most easily in the early morning after your first cup of coffee, or just before lunch, or after a quick afternoon nap. Experiment to find out what your special time is. Set aside enough private time to enjoy the experience without rushing.
  2. Exercise first. Be physical in your daily life. Exercise increases blood flow. This translates to sexual arousal, because the blood flows to your genitals as well as to your muscles, making arousal easier and faster. For surprisingly effective results, exercise right before your solo sex time.
  3. Prepare. Have everything ready that you might want: lubricant, a small towel, massage oil, pillows for hip, back and neck comfort. Leave your phone and computer in another room, gather your favorite sex toys and settle in for pleasure. You don’t have a favorite sex toy? See my “Senior’s Guide To Vibrators” on Senior Planet and read my sex toy reviews at Naked At Our Age.
  4. Set the mood. Read erotica if you enjoy it (try Ageless Erotica, by and for our age group!), play music, write sexy thoughts in your journal, take a bath, massage your body slowly—whatever turns you on. You might like candlelight, lingerie…Let your imagination run wild.
  5. Choose your lube. A lubricant that keeps you moist and slick will increase comfort and intensify your pleasure. Keep the lube within reach so you can reapply frequently. See my “Senior’s Guide to Lubrication” on Senior Planet.
  6. Explore your body slowly. Sometimes racing to an orgasm is fun, but at other times, take time to slow down and explore all your erogenous zones and the kind of sensual stimulation you like. Maybe you like your breasts or thighs stroked, or maybe there’s a special place on your neck or the inside of your wrist that makes you shiver when touched just right. You may discover that the kind of touch that turns you on and/or the places you like to be touched are different now than they used to be, so don’t rely on past history.
  7. Fantasize. Let your fingers and sex toys help you imagine an intimate date with… who comes to mind? Let yourself explore fantasy scenes and partners. Your brain is your main sex organ, so invite your fantasy to your private party. No fantasy is “wrong,” and no one has to know what images or scenarios turn you on.
  8. Use sex toys and other erotic helpers. Our hormonally challenged bodies may need extra help to reach orgasm these days, and our wrists may tire before we reach our goal. That’s where your vibrator comes in. Use it on a low speed to get you aroused, then turn up the intensity to take you to orgasm. Or you might experiment with switching between toys to surprise yourself.
  9. If you think you’re not in the mood, do it anyway. It’s too easy to put solo sex on the back burner, and once you’re out of the habit, it’s harder to get revved up again. This is especially true at our age, when our hormones are no longer screaming for release. So reread steps 1 through 8 and just do it.

Solo sex is a lovely gift you can give yourself. Instead of seeing it as a poor substitute for partner sex, see it as a celebration that your body is still capable of such delights. Give yourself this gift often, whenever you want. I wish you joy!

COMMENTS

86 responses to “A Senior’s Guide to Solo Sex

  1. I’m a 76 year old male, married to a 78 year old female. We married in 1967, divorced in 2000 (she remarried for just short of 7 years). We remarried in 2007. The last time I had intercourse was with her in 1998. I never really lost interest in sex, but it just went by the wayside, so I masturbated a lot. Even when I was young, masturbation, or I should say having an orgasm was never easy for me, it required work and took some time. Sex with a girl was much better.

    Now to my current situation: I have come to realize I definitely want to have a sexual orgasm again, but my wife has said she is not interested in sex. I tried some online sites and got plenty of responses, but could never bring myself to pursue them, mainly because i am diabetic and suffer from ED.

    I was just about to give up completely until one night about three weeks ago. I was asleep in bed and my wife was asleep in her bed (we have a king size sleep number bed which is comprised of basically two twin size beds together). We separated the beds several months back because I would have dreams in which I became very animated. These dreams always involved me being in a fight ( an earlier occupational hazard as a result of 34 year law enforcement career) and I would sometimes strike out and hit my wife. Thank goodness she was never actually injured, but we thought it might be prudent to separate the beds before she did get injured. Anyway, one night about three weeks ago I was asleep in bed and my wife was asleep in her bed and I was awakened by a lot of rustling of covers. I looked over and saw my wife lying on her back, covers off, with her arms and legs in the air. They were straight up in the air and her legs were to her left, her arms were to her right, and then she reversed them several times looking similar to a cheerleader for a sports team. Then she got up in one motion and went to the bathroom, came back to bed and went straight to sleep. I asked her about this behavior the next morning and she said she had no idea what I was talking about, but that she sometimes moves around in her sleep. Given my history of fighting in my sleep, I just shrugged it off and put it out of my mind.

    The next night while we were in bed asleep I again awakened by a rustling of covers. When I looked over at my wife she was lying on her back with the covers down to about waist level. Her left arm/hand was inserted under the covers toward he genital area and she was vigorously making a movement very similar to that which I use when masturbating. Then I saw that her right arm/hand was bent up to her left breast and she was vigorously massaging her nipple and breast. I watched for a couple of minutes and saw her open her eyes and look straight at me. Being no fool, I immediately slid off my bed onto the floor and moved over to her bed. As I was inserting my hand under to covers toward hers and telling her I saw what she was doing, and that it turned me on so I came over to help, she sat up in bed and pushed my hand and me away and said “I’m not either doing that” and continued pushing me away and saying “quit that”. She seemed fearful. I got back in bed and we both went back to sleep (she quicker than me). The next day we finally spoke about it mid morning and she thought I was having a hallucination and I should talk to my doctor about it. Later that day I did send my doctor a message briefly describing the above in about four sentences. His nurse replied to me and said the doctor said to stop my testosterone injections.

    Since that night I have observed my wife repeatedly masturbating to orgasm from two to six times each and every night (although less and less overtly, as if she is aware that someone may be watching) and she continually massages her vagina and breast(s) from the time she goes to bed until she gets up, with few breaks in between. However, she does appear to be asleep and meet the criteria for sexsomnia.

    Finally, to the crux of the matter. I am not offended by my wife’s masturbation activity, I am actually turned on. I’m just trying to figure out how to let her realize what she is doing, in a non-accusatory manner, and invite me to participate.

  2. My wife and I are in our 70s, married over 50 years, and make love about 3 times a month. Things don’t come as easily as they did before , but thanks to Viagra, some toys, and a little patience, we manage to have fulfilling sex. She has amazing orgasms when I’m inside her, and I consider myself a lucky man that I can still please her. However, three times a month is about her limit, which isn’t quite enough for me, so I masturbate about 3 or 4 times a month as well. I find porno to be the best stimulation for me, and my favorite videos are of mature women having sex with younger men. I fantasize that they are making love to my wife, which really turns me on. I told my wife about my fantasy once, and she couldn’t understand it. She said the last thing she would fantasize about would be me making love to another woman. I guess men and women are very different.

    1. I’m 75, married 52 years and masturbate 3-4 times per week. In fact up until (about) the age of 60, I jerked off every day. In my teens and early 20’s, 2 or 3 times a day. I have to put more effort into masturbation now but the reward seems to be far greater than it used to be.

  3. I am happily married and enjoy sex with my husband BUT there is also great pleasure in self masterbation both wit and without a toy. Sometimes twice a day I feel the need then can go a few days without, it’s about your feeling and needs, go for it.

  4. I am a 96 year old man, living alone, and masturbation is one of the remaining pleasures of life. but lately i feel my orgasms are a strain on my heart. can i talk about this with my cardiologist who, incidentally, is a woman?

    1. Hi Edward. I’m 77 and masturbate twice a week. I have heart valve disease. I asked my cardiologist (a male) and he said in theory you could have a heart attack during sex, but highly unlikely. Your heart is pumping faster, but it is for such a short period it is not that risky. And he did add that it would be a nice way to go if a heart attack was imminent anyway.

    2. Great to hear that you are still masturbate at 96, I am 74, widowed but masturbate frequently around 20 times a week, however, I only ejaculate about once a week, the other ‘ wanks’ are very comfortable and pleasureable, these seasons with my erect penis usually last around anything from 5 to 30 minutes before my penis goes flaccid, I don’t force anything, so if I “cum” all good and well, if not OK, if I do ejaculate I will not masturbate the next day, ha, my little boy nerds a full rest.

      1. Well, at 73 I thought I’m old. My problem though, is that I feel guilty any time I masturbate. I always feel like I’m offending God. But I’m not married and I would rather do that than to have my iheart broken. Each time I say the last time, I still do it

      1. Hello sweetheart I am 58 my woman Freind is 62 I’m going to help her paint next weekend for 3 days I’m sexually attached to her how can I get her to feel comfortable and eventually make love to her. Thank you for reading my note. David

  5. Those were the days! My wife and I used to have hours of sex a couple of times a week, then not sure what happened, but, she just became uninterested in it after a few years of marriage. I used to masturbate in my sleep, and my wife thought I was laughing, then realized I was masturbating. Then when I woke up, I would masturbate in the bathroom! Now I’m 60 and still masturbate a few times a week, but after not have relations with my wife for almost 10 years, now, I really, really miss it! It does make you feel undesirable!

    1. That was the same with me, from 14 to 24 I masturbated frequently, around 15/16 times a week and always had loads of semen in a ejaculate, sometimes after school us boys would see who had the most amount of semen released during one of those sessions at the back of the cycle shed, I always ejaculated the most
      After I got married and had sex with my wife she thought that I was peeing into her because of the amount of semen I ejaculated into her when we made love, no it wasn’t pee just the sheer amount, at first we used toilet paper to clean up afterwards but there was so much semen we used a special towel to clean up. Lol, she called me a spunk machine because of how much semen I had when we had those sometimes more than a hour sessions in bed before we went to sleep, those were great days, even now I get a erection and a little wank just thinking of them

  6. My husband has been unable to have an erection for 8-10 years. I miss sex! So I masturbate for sexual release. He has never tried to help me find sexual pleasures through other outlets he could do. He just ignores me. I told him there are other avenues he could use he just ignores me.

    1. that is terrible, I feel so bad for you. your husband has no desire to give you an orgasm, in both my marriages I enjoyed so much giving my wives multiple orgasms with oral sex. the problem is deeper than just sex it appears, hope you guys seek some help and work it out

    2. Hi Teena and I sympathize with you its frustrating. I am married to same man almost 49 years and sex disappeared from our lives due to high blood pressure and mini strokess and a lot of meds….i tried to understand and I did…next came afib and finally they put a watchman in…he is doing well and looks great for 75 just cant hold erection and my beef is try something new….that didn’t work either….so I finally blew up and took things to a different level in between masturbation….i shaved all the hair off between my legs and I love it..i use coconut oil to lubricate and love to massage coconut oil cream all over my body….the next thing I did was to start watching porn on my phone and let him know I was…i stopped wearing bras around d our home and made sure he sees me rubbing my nipples…and the next thing I did was purchase some sex toys and vibrators and a dildo and I made sure he knew….i want to have a relationship of closeness and cuddling like we use to have….and I was going to succeed…..i started to have serious conversations with him and what I wanted so I told him its the end of pjs in bed its going naked….and is it nice. I got him shirtless and sometimes shorts off….its getting better….i will give oral sex to him and can feel some stiffness…he will pleasure me and I love my breasts rubbed and squeezed and sucked and always did….i love a mans chest and can turn me on immediately….i also ordered my husband a penis pump and he used it a couple of times but we need more work in that area…..i want to massage his prostate anally to give him a prostate orgasm and still pushing for that. I want to pleasure him and it frustrates me….so I pushed another point… asked him to call the doctor and set up appointment for his wellness physical and I asked him to talk to the doctor about the blue pill….we will see what happens next ….i did do another thing….mine is coming up in October and I had my paperwork already a questionnaire and it asks about sex….so I left a post it note on his envelope to answer question 14 correctly and honestly….overall there are things we can do to repair problems if there is enough love between us and I see how much improvement we made with me pushing it and dropping the sheet….we are human and have needs and not many more years to enjoy each other and I want it..i like it and its amazing the deepness of my orgasms….we also communicate more and we sit and listen to music soft rock from the 60s on up and what a ride that is….memories are great and they sure can perk my nipples up….and we were the parents of 4 boys now the grandparents of 3 girls and 1 boy….so we now have some privacy….

  7. I am 60 Yr old male who loves to masturbate a lot. sometimes daily or every few days. I have been alone 2 and a half years now and before that was in a sexless marriage. I do all the right things to stay healthy and enjoy some wonderful orgasms. if anyone wants to talk about it and how to keep enjoying it let me know.

    1. Hello!
      I am a 54 and masturbates a lot and I enjoy it! However, i feel bad for my wife coz i only do it to her very very seldom.
      I use porn. I do it regardless of how i feel: happy, frustrated, bored, scared.
      I get this weird notion.. if masturbation greatly influences (like an addiction), do you also have that craving in the afterlife? If yes, that’s terrible!

    2. No harm on masturbating frequently Jeff, I do find however that I can’t ejaculate nearly as often as did when I was a teenager, every time I masturbated then which was probably around 20 times a week I ejaculated loads of semen, what most of us called spunk, however, since I was 65 I don’t ejaculate nearly as much but actually masturbate more often, sometimes as much as 18 times a day, I certainly couldn’t do that if I did ejaculate.

  8. I’m so happy to find a discussion group around what happens when the sex stops and what is left is maybe masterbation to release sexual tension. I love my wife dearly and she is my soulmate. We stopped haveing sexual intercourse years ago. I do masterbate when privacy allows but do have the feeling of guilt. My wife asked I masterbate only in front of her but I really cannot. I’m just asking how other couples address this issue. Thanks so much for being here and this discussion.

    1. My wife and I don’t have sex any more but she encourages me to masterbate. Usually she will take off my pants in the living room and has me start in front of her then has me go to another room to finish. When I return without pants she asks if I had success.

    2. I masterbate daily I find it relaxing. I mastetbate using my hand rubbing my pussy when I’m ready reach an orgasm I bring out my toy and turn it on high until i reach several orgasms.

      1. Hi Sally, I don’t penetrate my wife anymore as she says she’s gone off it….I’d love to introduce her to toys etc to rekindle her desire…can you advise on the best ones…I’m 66, wife is 67

      2. I masturbate at least 10 times a day. My erections are up for hours at a time. I’m 47 years old and I feel like I’m 18 again

  9. I have newly reawakened to solo love. It has been a very long time. My sexual needs are now a priority. Guidelines & techniques, suggestions & ideas are welcome. I have read all of your comments and have found everyone useful & encouraging. I have persistent genital arousals and works w/ and around them. I have recently been diagnosed. It happened spontaneously. I am feeling vulnurable, apprehensive, but am open & have need of insight from this forum.

    1. Don’t you find that the web itself is of great assistance Liz, or is it something that only guys admit too?
      No only the free availability of porn of such variety for erotic stimulation, but that you can have partners who are physically anonymous from anywhere in the world, with whom you can share an online normal life in terns of friendship, as well as a sexual one?
      Confused?
      I have for more than ten years now had online sex with a couple of women regularly… We know just about everything about each other, other than our true identities, shared sexual experiences and likes, sent each other erotic pics and videos, talked and fantasised of sex with each other and mutually masturbated… and this sharing is so much more stimulating than being solo or alone…
      You must try it… All you need do is set up an email address that is totally anonymous, find yourself an online partner, and chat away and see how it goes…. totally free !
      I’m a professional heterosexual male of 67, married for many years with three grown up kids, happily married but with a wife who hasn’t been interested in sex for some years… My online sexual relationships have in fact saved my marriage.

      … Whether it’s friendship, someone to safely masturbate with online.. Or both… or just to chat..!
      You can do so safely and with whatever level of anonymity you desire…
      Steve.

  10. John, I am 78 and masturbate as frequently as I can, whenever I have the privacy. My wife does not know; she thinks it’s wrong. When I masturbate I feel so good about myself.
    Wayne

    1. Hi Wayne …. I’m a 63y/o male and like you I enjoy masterbating 3-5 times week and I really enjoy it …. I have a question for you have you ever been curious about tasting your cum? …. After I cum in my hand I’m so interested in swallowing it ….. Please let me know your thoughts on this ….. Thanks, Rob

      1. Rob, am 66yrs old and for many years enjoy eating my cum….it has actually helped In achieving a second orgasm!!

  11. I am a masturbation addict. I am 74 as is my wife . She used to enjoy receiving oral sex, but doesn’t really care for it anymore. I enjoy doing it but I’ve given up. I am now addicted to internet porn and really enjoy masturbating to it. My wife knows I do it and shames me for it. I have to confess that I feel guilty!

    1. John, I am 78 and masturbate as frequently as I can, whenever I have the privacy. My wife does not know; she thinks it’s wrong. When I masturbate I feel so good about myself.
      Wayne

  12. I am an 85 year old man and cannot get an erection but would love to release my sexual tension by masturbating. What is the best way to reach an organism without an erection?

    1. Just use a motorised toothbrush with two heads. With the brush, Give massage to your nipples and penis. Finally keep the fine skin underneath the head of penis over and between the two heads of the brush asked give strokes against a wash basin while supporting penis .
      I do this to release sexual tension. I am on blood pressure pills and cannot have arousal. If I don’t do this every woman attracts me.

  13. Many times when you are in
    bed aione you feel the need
    of to have an intercourse
    as you cannot the alternative
    is a MasturbationTaking all the
    time necessary to ejaculate.I am
    a 79 year young and enjoy the female
    body but having a small penis it’s
    difficult to please your partner,
    so with both of you masturbatin
    increase the pleasure of the body.

    1. Do you think that men with above average penises, say 7 inches, not enormous but a bit above average tend to masturbate more often than average or below average men?

  14. Unlike other e-discussions, this is real information from real people for real people. I am a 64 year old male that carries all of the parochial and emotional baggage that typically surrounds masturbation. Throw into that mix the feelings that you are somehow “cheating” or degrading your relationship with your significant other and, well, for some self pleasure can be a mental mess. What I have begun to focus on to relieve the mental anguish is the stress relief that self-pleasure can provide; an interval for me sometimes in the midst of dealing with day to day situations. Relaxed and clear of mind I find I can re-approach stressful situations in a different frame of mind. I don’t miss out on the occasional luxuriously long self love sessions, but those are less frequent as they do act to decrease my desire for physical relations with my significant other. Like most other’s in their 60s we spend less intimate time together, although my wife while always willing has said she’s somewhat relieved our frequency and focus on intimate relations has subsided “some.” It’s a balancing act but I find, more than ever, masturbation very useful as natures own pressure relief valve.

    1. Kevin I too have the same problem that you do one of the things that bother me is at 866 I have been married for 44 years. I am willing to please my wife in anything that she wants me to do because I love her. But with the shoes on the other foot, she is not willing to please me because she doesn’t want to. That seems to be to be a very selfish thing. Because if she truly loves me she is willing to satisfy me just as I would satisfy her. In the book penis and Moore’s men are so much different than women because we are more physical and I have so much more of a sex drive. Women lose to sex drive better not willing to take pills because both side of backs. Even in the It talks about how married couples are supposed to enjoy one another the women has a duty and a man has a duty we are made to love and enjoy each other‘s body. So it is not OK not to joy each other physically especially because the man enjoys it more affluent woman decides to stop. It seems to be that this is a very selfish behavior.I have the same problem with my wife and I am frustrated.

  15. This has been a great way to continue organisms without a partner. I am 63 year old woman and enjoy masturbation every week. You just need to do it. No age restriction needed!

    1. Susan;
      I am also without my partner she passed away.
      I still have a desire to have sex and orgasm’s so it’s nice to hear that other people feel the same way and without guilt because it’s perfectly normal and healthy even though you don’t have a partner.
      Bob

      1. I am also a widower 78 years old, it’s pretty hard to find a woman at our age who want’s to have casual sex. I enjoy sex and miss it very much so for me an alternative is masturbation. it’s not as good as sex with a woman but it does relieve your sexual tensions and that is a plus. I use a manual masturbating toy made out of soft rubber and it feels good and I just ordered a vibrating one so I am waiting for my new friend to come in the mail.

  16. I am a 72 year old man. I’ve been happily married for 45 years. My wife has had medical issues which prevent intercourse. I have masturbated ever since I was 11, and I love it still today. My wife knows I jack off and watches regularly. Today she finished me off after 40 minutes.

    In the past year I have mastered edging. I am able to prolong masturbation for over an hour. It is so pleasurable. I only wish i had tried it sooner. The ejaculations are better than ever.

  17. At 80 I still get off via masturbation, we are still both living but she has serious back issues ruling out intercourse. I want to keep masturbating until I die and every time I ejaculate I am thinking “What a way to die”

  18. My wife knows I do it sometimes in bed beside her we don’t do it together which I wish we would I’m 65 years old and I still love it today as I did when I was 20. But over the years she has come up with mobility problems so intercourse is the problem masturbation and orgasms is great but she doesn’t initiate it I have to what do I do

    1. I always initiatewhen i want if i were you i would say baby i wanna lick and kiss u till whenever ..and if she doesnt agree go to therapy ….if she does start kissing her tell her everything you love about her if she gives instart licking her nipples the most gentleway possible …do not rush it ask her if she likes it …..do all that just make her feel turned on it takes at least 6 or 10 min ….im sure if you are patient it willll work …unless she is totally checked out

      Even the men ive read on here with wives that are older with heath or physical problems ….think if it was YOU you still are alive and Love eachother i bet the orgasms will be so great …. Make it work ….its 2020 there is lube toys lotions …put a pillow under her ….say i want to make love to you be selflesss ……BE FUCKING HUMBLE. Thats my advice as a 33 yrold female because if i was in any of these situations id make it work …..my fiance died so i cant do these things ….they are stilll alive no!?!?

  19. I am a 67 year old diabetic, and have had problems with erections for the last two years. I am exploring the possibilities of penile shots that create erections, but in the meantime give myself regular orgasms daily with an electric vibrator that is about 300 horsepower. My fear is if this thing ever quits, where will I find another one. I do miss the touch of another person, and think about trying friends with benefits sites. Not sure if anybody would be interested in an old guy like me.

      1. Where do you live? I’m a straight male but I don’t mind masturbating in front of others and vice versa.

  20. I am 68, been a masturbator without guilt and with much pleasure since I was 11 and discovered it privately when in the rush of emotions and hormones of puberty. The first time was ecstasy indescribable. And although I went through a time of exploration with other teen guys, (mutual masturbation), I decided I didn’t want that lifestyle, married, have been married for 40 years. Although we had a good sex-life, my wife has lost interest (meds and discomfort), and gradually, after continuing to try to initiate, I gave up and rely on my old friend, JO, as I refer to it in text. I play about every day, although I only cum about maybe twice a week. I do enjoy the assistance of the internet :) and find masturbation perfectly normal and although not as urgent to rush to orgasm as in my teens, much more time consuming as I fondle and explore. Although my wife has known for years that I JO, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t, never did and isn’t interested for herself. So, although she knows, I keep it a private thing and since she sleeps in in the morning, morning is my time, with coffee and internet.

    1. I feel the same way. Cheated and wanting sex with her but she just has no desire anymore. Very frustrating. I dont want to hurt her by having an affair and dont want to leave her because she and i fo love each other. She just has no desire for sex and for some reason just expects me to go without as well. I cant do that and have secretly had discreet sexual encounters with two women from my past but feel guilty afterwards so my options are kind of limited. I masturbate alot preferably with her watching but thst doesnt even get her in the mood. Temporarily satisfying but still very frustrating. I want a women who wants and enjoys sex as much as i do and i feel cheated after all these years that im growing old without that.

      1. My wife is the same way, ZERO interest in sex since menopause. I resort to masturbating like you, I like to play daily in the morning, finishing a couple of times a week.

        My wife also knows and I don’t have to hide it anymore. She said she knew I did for years and has been very accepting of it.
        I may be older but still enjoy sexual pleasure.

      2. I was married for 40 years and the same situation. I then reflected on what I want vs her wants and discovered her wants were alys addressed while mine were dismissed as selfish. – skip to the end – I’m remarried and very happy now. should have done this 20 years ago.

  21. Hi! My therapist suggested that I learn more about personal organisms & thus us my 1st stop. Thank you for this info. I’m a 74 yr “young” divorcee. I’ve been divorced since ’24…but he no longer wanted intimacy as far back as ’11. We were married for 24 years when he asked for a divorce over the phone. AND he’s 13 yrs my junior (yep! I’m a Cougar:-)…& that was NEVER a problem. I grew up in many foster homes & I was sexually abused &/or raped in most if them. From the age of 4, I BELIEVED that if a man wanted to have sex w/me it was quite a compliment! And visa versa. I had been/ was quite promiscuous. I was 40, the mother of two boys & long divorced from my starter husband when I heard about a clitoris. I bought the book, Our Bodies, Our selves. Then a mirror & found it! BUT I’ve ALWAYS been afraid of losing control. Even today, when I try to masturbate, I stop my self before I have an orgasm. I did have one, years ago that made me appreciate what my friends talked about. I was beautifully stoned, the ONLY time I EVER felt that free & I was alone & DAMN! I want THAT again but I simply cannot let myself! After reading the article & replies…I’m going to try to get there again. I want to. I would like to meet a man that I could trust enough to let myself “go”…I’m thinking I have to learn to be able to experience that w/another. Wish me luck, everyone & thank you for sharing.

    1. Hi Trish loved reading your message I would love to help anyway I can ;)) maybe we can email each other and get to know each other . Thank you look forward to hearing from you

  22. I masterbate and enjoy each and every climax. My husband has ED and just simply stopped sex with no talk or even trying. I find my marriage has taken a strange turn! We hold hands and act like we are a couple but a piece of the puzzle has been missing for a long time. I feel compelled to stay like this after so long of being together but there are many times when I want to just “break free”. I guess I want him to see this and even after several considerate talks the situation remains the same. I think he is a wonderful man but not a wonderful husband. Am I being awful?
    After all these years of us having a family and moving to where he wanted to live I cannot help but feel cheated. Any help or advice would be appreciated. Thanks for listening to my rant! We

    1. Hi Lyn, I am male and feel the same way. My wife and I are a great couple together, but sexually, a mismatch and always have been. I feel the same way, i would like to break free at times and I think it would be possible to find a more sexually compatible partner, but then I don’t want to start over, kind of trapped I guess. It is what it is, I feel unfulfilled and empty when it comes to sex. I have so much I would give to a sexual woman. Massages, oral and full sex. I think there is a lot that can be enjoyed sexually that is not just PIV and orgasm in 5 minutes.

  23. I’ve in my late 60s and been giving myself wonderful organisms in the shower for the past couple of years, using the hand-held shower head on high pressure…well, not too high…

    It’s fantastic, and makes me feel great all day after my morning shower and play. I feel so grateful to my body for giving me such intense pleasure. It’s a beautiful gift.

    1. I am getting old so my erection isn’t what it was so I can’t satisfy her with that as in your partners case. But my partner and I have fantastic sexy sessions where I spend hours giving her massages, enjoy her breasts, oral, fingers, toys even hand inside and she has orgasm after orgasm so she feels very happy with me and me with her. She plays with me even though not hard which is also great.

      So my advice for what it is worth is to encourage your man to do all the things he has undoubtedly seen on porn – except penetration which he cannot. You will both enjoy yourself!!

  24. Just turned 80 and still need to masturbate about once aweek, used to be 3 times a day at 16.

    Been solo sexual for 25 years and still cannot do without the release, it keeps me sane and probably out of jail. Three cheers for Viagra, detachable showerhead, and the internet!

  25. Thanks for sharing, it helps to know you are not alone in solo sex. I am 75 and struggling with ED. Thankful the web has helped find answers and today my wife and I are talking about our sex lives at breakfast .

  26. Masturbation. Yes i will say it again the dreadful M word Masturbation. Everyone or almost everyone does it or did it. Those that have not are missing the ability to experience one of lifes pleasures. Whether in a relationship or alone masturbation will provide you that sexual release for the moment. It has been taboo for many years for women to admit that they masturbate but during a recent paper i wrote for a masters class just as many women admitted to masturbating and some more often than men.

    Whether you choke our chicken flick your clit or just jerk off, masturbation is a great addition or substitute for that partner.

    Masturbator since 14.

    Bill

    1. Yes I do. I enjoy communication with men and women who are open and honest about the ability of the human body to produce endorphins and oxytocin from touch, interaction, art and nude recreation. Where sun and wind are the only elements between nature and our bodies. Life is about giving and accepting pleasure without guilt.

  27. Great article and full of useful info. I am 76 years old and happily married for 54 years. I have masturbated since I was 13 and still do about 1 – 2 times a week. Still with the same vigor and enjoyment. My wife and I both masturbate, sometimes alone and sometimes together, also we masturbate each other. Very enjoyable!. Thank you for the article.

  28. I am a 53 year old married man who has enjoyed regular masturbation since childhood. My wife and I have had an active sex life and also masurbate together. She knew when we married that I masturbated several times daily. I now masturbate 1-4 times a day. Usually twice (morning and evening) but never miss a day. It is part of my daily routine and enjoy it whether I’m aroused or not. It has kept everything working really well in that area. After about 19,000 lifetime masturbation orgasms and about 2000 additional one’s from sexual intercourse my body is working like it did when in my 20’s except it takes a little longer to orgasm which is a positive for me. I masturbate whenever I want and would recomend it for everyone as long as it doesn’t cause conflicts in other areas of your life. Enjoy

  29. Brava! and Braov! A splendid and timely affirmation of solo sex, something most of us enjoyed repeatedly much of our lives all the while convinced that something that feels so good cannot be bad no matter who told us otherwise. And the newly experienced pleasures with benefits continue.

  30. I’m so glad to read that masturbation is actually “good for you.”
    As they say, “There may be snow on the roof, but there’s still a fire in the furnace” and that the need for sex does not diminish with age.

  31. I just want to thank you for speaking about masturbation—the “hushed word” that so many of us seniors grew up recognizing as, like you say, dirty, shameful, forbidden!! It is a topic that needs to be spoken of more so that masturbation can be realized as a natural, healthy and important part of our journey here on earth. I wish everyone, seniors or otherwise….love, in all its many and beautiful ways.

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