COMMENTS

17 responses to “Ask Joan: When Is It Time To Dump the FWB?”

1. I’ve had a FWB for over five years. We are both in our sixties with spouses who are no longer interested in having sex. We were very good friends first before we became intimate. We talk everyday and meet up at least once a week. We enjoy our time together and the sex is fantastic. Both of us are established in our marriages but lacked the personal intimacy with our spouses. It works very well for us but every relationship is different.

   Reply to TomW

   1. That sounds like what an ideal FWB should be.
      I visit my divorced neighbor once or twice a week. My neighbor thrives on being independent, but told me she longed for physical intimacy.

      Reply to Mike

2. I’ve been in a primary relationship for over 25 years. We both do not want cohabitation. I’ve tried it with others She has never wanted to with anyone . We have the keys to each other’s place but would never just show up unannounced. Even though we have a rough schedule of when we see each other, we’ve always confirmed that the date is “on”. We have no sexual exclusivity agreements, though we do have agreements about safety. We don’t have expectations except for candor.

   Reply to brian buchbinder

3. I’m a 58 year old man and when I’ve been single I’ve had a number of FWB relationships over the years.

   Sadly almost all of them and did because the person moved due to work or other reasons. One or two because they met somebody that they had romantic feelings for.

   When both people are upfront and honest about expectations and desires there’s nothing wrong with and preventing a good long-term FWB relationship but they have a natural life cycle must communicate and just be honest with yourself.

   Reply to Dennis

4. I’m a 70 tear old man and have had quite a few FWB relationships. One has so far lasted more than 10 years. We get together once a week, to hang out, talk, be intimate. We’re great friends. I have others as well. Whether they last a long time or end for whatever reason, I’m grateful for each one. It’s wonderful to meet new people, learn about their lives, share touch, intimacy, pleasure. There is no downside. I’m still very happily married, my wife knows and is supportive as she is no longer in

   Reply to Michael Berkowitz

5. I know many of you have (or have had) successful FWB relationships. I’d love to see some comments from you here. Although this column deals with a FWB relationship that has gone sour, I’d like readers to know that many FWBs fill a need successfully and joyfully. I’ve had several myself over the decades, and although we agreed to end the “benefits” part, the deep friendships remain to this day.

   Reply to Joan Price

   1. Thank you to the many people who shared their lived experience with FWB. I read deep affection and respect for your partners, and this is important for people to know. I hope readers will take the message that there’s no one relationship style that is best for everyone, but FWB works for many in our age group for a variety of reasons.

      Reply to Joan Price

6. Hi Joan,
   I know this has nothing to do with the subject of today, but I would like to ask if there is any dating site for seniors you could recommend?
   Thank you
   Lonely Rose

   Reply to Marinella Roger

   1. There are several specifically “senior” sites. But don’t limit yourself to those. Popular sites like OKCupid and Match have huge numbers of seniors, and you can sort by age preference. Give lots of attention to writing a profile that explicitly states what you are looking for, and what you don’t want. My “How the Heck Do We Date at This Age?” webinar is a 90-minute class on how to do this for good results: https://joanprice.com/webinars

      Reply to Joan Price

7. Good advice, Joan.
   I hope she takes it.

   Reply to Amber

8. Corrected link for“Friends with benefits — do we need a new term?” :
   https://joanprice.com/2015/11/friends-with-benefits-do-we-need-new.html

   Reply to Joan Price

9. I am currently in a FWB situation ship. 4+ years.
   He’s married, he’s not leaving his wife & I’ve never asked him too.
   Early on he had sex with, others, now he’s 64, it’s just me.
   It’s a great friendship, we do go out, only days.
   We had a connection from the start, he did lie about his marital status! Initially!! By the time I learnt about him being married it was too late, I was hooked, the sex is mind blowing & he’s a kind man who needs intimacy, touch & someone who listens.

   Reply to Donna

   1. You didn’t ask for my opinion, but there’s a place to comment. He’s been meeting your needs — for 4 years, and apparently you meet his. He’s having his cake and eating it too. He needs ____, ____, and ___. What about what you need? You can only go out days. Are you happy sharing him for as long as it lasts and not having your own man who can be with you either every day or several days, nights, holidays, vacations? Are you looking for your own man? Will it be over if his wife finds out?

      Reply to Sally

      1. I’m very happy with our situation, he doesn’t criticise his wife around me. I’m not looking for a commitment from anyone, I’m happy on my own, I live a full life & still enjoy sex & intimacy. We have that. I have other FWB’s I see who are all single. I go out with them on dates. I enjoy my own company & don’t feel at all alone or need a full on relationship. That’s just me, everyone is different . I’m almost positive his wife knows but it’s easier as she doesn’t want sex with him.

   2. I’m sure he tells you he has a wife that doesn’t listen. I have no idea why you would want to be in a relationship with a man who is deceitful and cheats on his wife.

      People want to convince themselves that a FWB relationship is fine but the reality is most want an exclusive relationship. They just don’t want to admit it. As soon as one decides to go outside the relationship, all hell breaks loose. Would she really be okay if he just dated with no sex? I doubt it.

      Reply to Bonnie

      1. Or had sex with no dating?

      2. No exclusive relationship wanted here, I was married a long time. He actually doesn’t talk negatively about his wife in my company. A FWB relationship isn’t for everyone, I get that but it is right for me at this stage of my life. I am a very happy & satisfied woman. Whilst I appreciate your comments & concerns, we are both consenting adults & We’ll deal with the fallout if that happens.
         Until then I have a few other irons in the fire in the form of single FWB’s.