Last time I described an incident on a flight with some treatment I considered highly disrespectful from a young man. According to some, I was a tad harsh in my assessment of him as a ‘creep.”
Others jumped on the bandwagon and added their own personal encounters with rudeness.
…the rude people that park their car at a gas pump and leave their vehicle to go inside the store to shop BEFORE and AFTER they pump gas. You are left waiting behind them until they come back to their vehicle with bags of food or other purchases for 10 minutes or more.-Cynthia
…and Reader Gary shared his disappointment after finding a lost wallet, walking it over to the address to return it and not a word of thanks. And don’t get Reader Celia started about grocery stores!
Thank you…Not!
If you can take the time to purchase gifts, certainly the ability to sit down for an hour and send out formal thank notes shouldn’t be a big deal.
-Sonja W.
If they don’t have time to reply and acknowledge, then I don’t have time to ever send a gift again.
-Linda R.
Reader Belinda described a much sunnier encounter…
In the food self -check out, making sure I get my receipt/card, off I go. Recently, a nice employee asked if I was alright, and came over. (Maybe an older person is a magnet for manners.) It’s a perk and I love it!
-Belinda
It says more about their state of mind, than their manners,. There could be all sorts of issues going on in their lives. I stopped judging and having expectations a while ago, my outlook is better, my interactions are better, and I am happier than I ever have been.
-Ann
We’ll keep the comments open for a while, so feel free o add your own experiences, good or bad, with manners in the public (or private) square. The column that started it all is below. See you next time!
Original column
Last time I was on a plane, I was settled in my customary seat on the aisle, and exchanged brief greetings with my seatmate in the middle seat. Flying is enough of a cattle car as it is; it’s only courtesy to acknowledge there is a person right next to you.
This young creep had the attitude that I was some sort of underling but not an actual human being.
I looked up at the crowd in the aisle looking for their seats, and I caught the eye of a youngish man in a baseball cap. Apparently he had the seat in my row near the window. I had to infer this because he only gave me a look and a nod at his seat.
No “Hi there, that’s my seat there.” No “Could you move for a minute?” I did not even rate the courtesy of a single word. This young creep had the attitude that I was some sort of underling but not an actual human being. I got up…slowly…and as he passed by I said, “Next time, use your words.”
Sadly, my comment probably went over his head and he spent the rest of the flight engrossed in something on his phone.
Don’t get me started about thank you notes!
I still fume when I think about it. Have we reached the Point of No Return in terms of manners? I’m not expecting protocols like we’re at the Court of St. James. But how about some simple, common courtesy – an acknowledgment that there are other humans who also count, even if it’s just a word?
And don’t get me started about thank you notes!
Your Turn
But that’s me. What about you? What was your bad manners ‘hot button’ event, trend or moment? Let us know in the comments!
Photo by Alexander Schimmeck on Unsplash
Virge Randall is Senior Planet’s Managing Editor. She is also a freelance culture reporter who seeks out hidden gems and unsung (or undersung) treasures for Straus Newspapers; her blog “Don’t Get Me Started” puts a quirky new spin on Old School New York City. Send Open Thread suggestions to editor@seniorplanet.org.
COMMENTS
35 responses to “Open Thread Update: Miss Manners?”
Addressing a person who is considerably older (5+ yrs) than the addressee by his/her 1st name has always been a pet peeve of mind. I was taught that to do so was a sign of disrespect, yet, it seems to be the norm today.
I wholeheartedly agree with the comments regarding the “new normal” of not acknowledging gifts. My motive is the joy of giving. That said, the thank you note has morphed into the thank you text, I if I’m fortunate enough to receive one. While I no longer take their lack of response personally, I still struggle with feeling that it’s rude on the part of the recipient. It’s not like they don’t have their phones with them 24/7. So it comes down to what’s more important, giving or being thanked.
You will always be disappointed if you have unrealistic expectations. Stop judging, you will be happier.
That sounds like you have shopped at my local trader Joes’ in Brooklie,Ma.The “Clueless” capital of New England.It is really getting to be a proble,Also,as concerns dog owners leaving bags of poop all over the place.Beware folks,I’m taking screen shots and forwarding the to local PD/Health Dept.
Also,in my neighborhood of Brookline Ma there are quite a few who think they are not required to clean up their dog’s poop/let their dogs run free in park areas where there are kids/other pets that might be bothered by overly agressive dogs/also they don’t respond whenb you ask them(politely to please lease up your pet.So many liberties taken by the “Entitled Elite”.I’m sick of it.Tehey also whine/complain re: bike lanes,pro/con.Selfish/self absorbed/narssistic nincompoops,speaking of Poop lol!”
Expectations are resentments in the making.
While traveling recently, I was impressed by how kind and courteous people were. There were offers to help stow my carry-on bag as well as help to take it down. When I was afraid of missing a connecting flight, people let my elderly traveling companion and me go in front of them and wished us good luck. It wasn’t all easy going, but I was struck with how polite most were in that situation.
Grocery store bad manners. Folks who park their shopping carts in the middle of the aisle leaving inadequate space to be able to pass on either side. Or similarly, parking their cart right next to someone else’s already parked cart so the aisle is completely blocked. Oblivious.
I completely agree with these. It’s as if they never expect anyone else to use the same aisle as they take their time deciding what to buy.
I sympathize totally.At my Trader JOes’s in Brookline,Ma ,their are folks that stand in front a shelf and read every label of every product, UTTERLY OBLIVIOUS to thers needing an item on the same shelf.Go online at Trader Joe’s website people and check out the ingredient list THERE HELLO!Also,much more inportant,slow the heck down when you are driving,especially in areas where there are many older adults.One day it could be YOUR grandma/grandpa who almost gets run over.#DON’T KILL DRAMA!
That sounds like you have shopped at my local trader Joes’ in Brooklie,Ma.The “Clueless” capital of New England.It is really getting to be a proble,Also,as concerns dog owners leaving bags of poop all over the place.Beware folks,I’m taking screen shots and forwarding the to local PD/Health Dept.
I also think reclining seats are a big problem. It seems that everyone needs to sleep on a plane and the person that reclines their seat doesn’t think about anyone but themselves.
There isn’t any room for the person behind them and if you have to get up for any reason, you can’t because of the person that just needs to recline like they are at home.
NO MANNERS ANYMORE
Again,it is the “Entitled Elites” of which there are far too many of in my neck of the woods in New England.There are so many of the decendents of the”old money/Backbay/ Blue Blood “crowd that think they are still living in”The Gilded Age.I’m serious,thats EXACTLY the way some of these schumks act.”Downton Abbey” days are OVER “Old money” Old people.Get over it/and yourselves.You are not special.Your parents lied to you,lol!
In the food self -check out, making sure I get my receipt/,card,off I go. Recently, a nice employee asked if I was alright, came over. (Maybe an older person is a magnet for manners.)It’s a perk and I love it!
I sat in a row in front of a parent and two school- ages children at a choral music performance. The other parent was singing with the group onstage. Both children behind me were allowed to rest their feet on the back of the empty seats close to me. They wiggled their feet, kept time with the music, etc. the only thing was all that movement shook the entire row of seats in front of them, including mine, causing the seat to constantly hit my back. Such bad manners!
If they don’t have time to reply and acknowledge, then I don’t have time to ever send a gift again. No attitude or grudges from me. Just no gift anymore.
What really annoys me is the rude people that park their car at a gas pump and leave their vehicle to go inside the store to shop BEFORE and AFTER they pump gas. You are left waiting behind them until they come back to their vehicle with bags of food or other purchases for 10 minutes or more. Moving their vehicle to a parking spot away from the pump would be the respectful thing to do.
I think this airplane traveler is not in contact with any young people since….? Maybe she could recall a young neighbor, a niece or nephew who was not always perfect? Has she been out of the workforce so long she has NO memories of the next generation of workers maybe being polite but more focused on their peers and jobs?
Let go and don’t take that action so personally. Life is too short and you will find every day umpteen reason to find yourself in misery and isolation.
Totally agree!
“The young creep had the attitude that I was some sort of underling”? I understand your feeling disrespected, but come on! Do we learn to read minds as we age? What if the man were on the autism spectrum, or had some other mental disorder?And when did returning discourtesy with more discourtesy become a sign of maturity?If you felt disrespected, how about a more polite reply, such as,”I would’ve let you in more quickly, but since you didn’t say anything, I didn’t realize you were seated here”?
I was thinking the same thing. Maybe anxiety issues….plane travel is so hard these days, I know it is hard for me.
I agree with meeting discourtesy with courtesy, but your suggestion sounds more like passive aggression.
What about something along the lines of “Oh! Hi! Looks like we’re in the same row. My name’s [first name]. It’s nice to meet you.”?
About three years ago I was walking my daughter’s dog and found a young man’s wallet in the middle of the road. Inside were id’s, credit cards, and six $100 bills. I found a close-by address and went to return it. A young woman answered the door & said the man was at work but she couldn’t verify his DOB. I gave her the complete wallet anyway and to this day I haven’t received a thank-you or call from him. In the future, I will only attempt to return items to the rightful owner.
So you did leave your contact information with the wallet?
Speaking of thank-you notes and verbal thank-yous–are they optional now? I attended a wedding last year and a shower months ago. I gave generous gifts that have not been acknowledged. This occurs at the holidays too–gifts to children and teens are not acknowledged. And how about a thank you by text? I suppose it’s better than nothing, but I was a bit disappointed to receive a brief texted thank you for a very generous graduation gift.
It makes me a little sad.
I can ditto a lot of your comments about the courtesy of close family. I usually hear about it if it’s something for them. Christmas is usually fun cuz I like to give gifts & none of them seemed like ‘gotta do’ All ‘ wanna do’s’ with Love…that’s what Christmas is about in my book. However, just ‘thank you’ would have been appreciated & eased some of the pain, but there was NO acknowledgement. Obviously, it still hurts, but I appreciate you letting me release some of it. God bless you.
Jo, if you can take the time to purchase gifts, certainly the ability to sit down for an hour and send out formal thank notes shouldn’t be a big deal.
No texting..come on..let’s not make everything so informal.
Thanks for empathizing! To clarify, a family member texted a thank-you for the graduation gift. I think a written note is appropriate, but a text is better than nothing. I’ve not received any thanks for a wedding gift last year or “drive-by” shower gift during covid. I asked the mom of an only child if a Xmas gift fit; she said there was so much chaos, she didn’t know who gave which gift. At one party the guests were asked to address the envelopes for thank-yous–there’s an idea.
I think I am still a bit traditional. Wedding, anniversary and other more formal events require more than a text or email invite. What about those very late adapters who don’t use texting or email? There is something to be said about receiving a hand written envelope. I feel special and honored to be invited to celebrate your event.
Let’s encourage those who don’t understand learn to appreciate the special moments with the simplest of details.
It’s says more about their state of mind, than their manners,. There could be all sorts of issues going on in their lives. I stopped judging and having expectations a while ago, my outlook is better, my interactions are better, and I am happier than I ever have been. Doesn’t mean I don’t notice bad behavior, I just don’t go through all the mental anguish any more.
Awesome you have that kind of outlook. Maybe time (&prayers) will help here too.
Time and prayers will NOT help the “Karen” capital of New England,Brookline,Ma,home of formere Pres.JFK.,from a family of VERY thoughtful/polite/and well mannered family(if you exclude Bobby(antivax) Kennedy lol!Anyway,there are some of THE most “entitled”schmucks in the world,in this area.I’m sure it has a lot to do with some of the”Old Money/Back Bay Blue Blood” crowd still hobbling around, acting like they still think that they STILL own the place.That day/age is OVER folks.!
Dear Ann,
I love your attitude. A smile or a friendly nod is often enough to encourage good manners. You might even be offered a seat on a crowded bus – sometimes.
I still write thank you notes, but have also learned to overlook the lack of it, especially in the young. Let’s continue this much appreciated traditon.
I find stopping the gifting solves the angst of not receiving awknowledgement….and frees up the time spent shopping and the ‘funds’ for other purposes.
Time and prayers will NOT help the “Karen” capital of New England,Brookline,Ma,home of formere Pres.JFK.,from a family of VERY thoughtful/polite/and well mannered family(if you exclude Bobby(antivax) Kennedy lol!Anyway,there are some of THE most “entitled”schmucks in the world,in this area.I’m sure it has a lot to do with some of the”Old Money/Back Bay Blue Blood” crowd still hobbling around, acting like they still think that they STILL own the place.That day/age is OVER folks.!
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Learn about online tools to jump-start your start-up.
Chair Yoga
Chair Yoga
Follow various cues to develop body alignment and breath awareness.
Saving Money with Tech
Saving Money with Tech
Explore ways that tech can help you save money and manage your finances!
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31
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Gardening Tech At a Glance
Gardening Tech At a Glance
Can tech give you a green thumb? Come to this lecture to find out!
¿Es eso IA?
¿Es eso IA?
¿Podemos realmente creer lo que vemos? ¡Venga a esta clase para acostumbrarse a reconocer la IA!
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Relax your mind and strengthen your body with this gentle exercise class.
Understanding Bluetooth
Understanding Bluetooth
We’ll explain Bluetooth technology, how it works, and the way it impacts everyday life.
0 events,
1
Good Morning, Senior Planet!
Morning Stretch
MyChart
Functional Strength Training
Mandarin Multilingual Technology Program: 介紹: 智能手機的相機不只能用來拍照 (Smartphone Camera Uses Beyond Photography)
Stronger Bones
Morning Stretch
Introduction to Learning Apps – Languages & The Arts
Smartphones at a Glance
Intro to Chatting with AI
Morning Stretch
Virtual Tour: Belfast, Ireland
Fit Fusion Workout
點對點付款
YouTube
Balance/Strength
Morning Stretch
Saving Money with Tech
Internet of Things: Wearables
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Internet of Things: Healthcare
Introducción a la IA
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Introduction to Heart Rate Monitor Apps
Good Morning, Senior Planet!
Morning Stretch
Fitness Apps
Functional Strength Training
Fit Fusion Workout
Good Morning, Senior Planet!
Morning Stretch
Fitness Apps
Functional Strength Training
Fit Fusion Workout
Stronger Bones
Morning Stretch
Introduction to Heart Rate Monitor Apps
iPhones
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Introduction to Estate Planning Resources & Tools
Fit Fusion Workout
智能手機攝影簡介
Anti-Virus & Malware Removal Programs At a Glance
Balance/Strength
Morning Stretch
Podcasts at a Glance
Introduction to Booking Vacation Stays Online
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Introducción a chatear con IA
IoT: Smart Homes
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Tech Tips for Disaster Preparedness
Good Morning, Senior Planet!
Morning Stretch
Functional Strength Training
Mindfulness Apps
Fit Fusion Workout
Stronger Bones
Morning Stretch
Drones
Online Rx Drug Resources
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Virtual Museum Tours
Fit Fusion Workout
線上購物
Intro to Smartphone Photography
Balance/Strength
Morning Stretch
Messaging Apps
Intro to Selling Online
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Introduction to Nextdoor
Usos cotidianos de la IA
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
All Things Zoom
Good Morning, Senior Planet!
Morning Stretch
Internet of Things at a Glance
Functional Strength Training
Fit Fusion Workout
Stronger Bones
Morning Stretch
Virtual Reality at a Glance
Internet of Things: Healthcare
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Video Chat
Fit Fusion Workout
YouTube
Social Media for Job Searches
Balance/Strength
Morning Stretch
Graphic Design Tools
Introduction to TikTok
Intro to X (formerly Twitter)
Morning Stretch
Generadores de imágenes de IA
Intro to Gaming
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Digital Legacy at a Glance
Stronger Bones
Morning Stretch
Smartphone Camera Uses Beyond Photography
How to Choose a New Computer
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Virtual Tour: Lima, Peru
Fit Fusion Workout
訊息應用程式
Introduction to Learning Apps – Languages & The Arts
Balance/Strength
Morning Stretch
Digital Tools to Boost your Business
Chair Yoga
Saving Money with Tech
Morning Stretch
Gardening Tech At a Glance
¿Es eso IA?
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Understanding Bluetooth
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