Open Thread

Open Thread Update: Favorite Things About Aging

Last time we opened up the floor to share our favorite things about aging…and the big favorite was the freedom.

For some, like Kim and Csonnabend, and others, it’s freedom from the 9 to 5…

Being able to go where I want, when I want and take classes without having to worry about taking off work. It’s great!

-Kim

We hope those are Senior Planet classes, Kim!

And Reader Michelle B., found a special benefit in retirement – a  change of scene.  

No more alarms. Time is not important where I live. I retired in Cuenca Ecuador. Being elderly here is great.

For many others, the best thing about getting older is, as Linda R puts it “being comfortable in my own skin.”

Readers Maureen, Linda, Debra,  and Joy agree…

The freedom to wear what is comfortable and not to fuss with my appearance if I don’t feel like it…has relieved me of so much emotional, financial, and time constraints.

-Maureen

Reader Joy H. has an interesting take on this – read her comment and see if you agree!

For others, like Billie,  Joanne, and Lisa, its the freedom to set boundaries and make decisions for their own good and not on behalf of others, Perhaps this reader put it most succinctly.

One of my favorite things is honoring my values about what’s worth my time.

-Zig

 

Read them all and see if you agree – or if you have a special fave we haven’t seen  – please share!

Original Text Below

Like many women, I’ve had a lifelong habit of people pleasing.  (It’s not exclusively a female trait, but very prevalent, isn’t it, ladies?) As a younger woman navigating my way in the world I weighed every step, and almost every comment with “Is this likeable?”

I don’t have to describe the many ways this disadvantaged me – pity dates, loans that didn’t get repaid, getting stuck with more chores, and relationships that went waaay past the expiration date.

Only now that I am older am I breaking myself of the people pleasing habit.

Someone’s late for dinner? Sorry, my kitchen closes at 8pm, so make yourself a sandwich.

Getting calls from someone who only calls me to trauma dump? They get two minutes and then “That sounds awful, maybe you should talk to a therapist about that — instead of me.”

It’s probably among the biggest improvements in my habits and personality in my life…and it only happened because I got older…and thought “why on earth am I doing/saying/apologizing for/putting up with…this??”

It’s one of my favorite things about getting older.

YOUR TURN

But that’s me. How about you? What are your favorite things about getting older? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Virge Randall is Senior Planet’s Managing Editor. She is also a freelance culture reporter who seeks out hidden gems and unsung (or undersung) treasures for Straus Newspapers; her blog “Don’t Get Me Started” puts a quirky new spin on Old School New York City. Send your suggestions for Open Threads to her at editor@seniorplanet.org.

 

COMMENTS

22 responses to “Open Thread Update: Favorite Things About Aging

  1. I’ve adopted what I call the EE ratio. Enjoyment must be greater than Effort for me to engage. I’ve paid my dues, done what I had to, but older age is a time for me – that doesn’t mean I’m selfish, but I do the things that give me pleasure (and helping others is a major thing for me). So as long as the Enjoyment I get is greater than the Effort I have to expend – I go for it!

  2. I’m 78 and I’m going back to work- part time! I’ve had a wonderful retirement but lost my husband about a year ago. My days can be lonely even if I have things to do and places to go. I love the freedom now of making my decisions for the good of me. While I loved and miss my husband, I know he would want me to do anything I felt I wanted. Now I want to challenge myself. It’s time to learn something new.

  3. No more alarms. Time is not important where I live. I retired in Cuenca Ecuador. Being elderly here is great. There are separate lines for the eldery in banks, grocery stores, government buildings. If you are over 65 there are many discounts you receive. Being elderly in Ecuador is a good thing.

  4. No more alarms. If I want to do something today but end up not doing it there’s always tomorrow. I retired in Cuenca Ecuador where life is slow and time is just a word not a actual action. Here in Ecuador the elderly are treated very well. There are separate lines for us at banks, grocery stores, government buildings. If your over 66 there are many perks in this country for you..

  5. Agree with Linda and Joy above. The freedom to wear what is comfortable and not to fuss with my appearance if I don’t feel like it are game changers for me. I refuse to wear anything uncomfortable anymore. The absence of trying to look a certain way or portray a professional or fashionable image has relieved me of so much emotional, financial, and time constraints.

  6. I identify with ALL the replies above!
    Additionally, at just 70 1/2 years of age, I have given myself permission to practice “untethering of my soul” fully when I become aware I “need” to in order to maintain my experiential sense of self. Finally, I will take the time and make the effort in realtime to free myself of burdensome baggage.

  7. I am excited by the freedom to explore ideas and activities that work constraints never made possible. If I want to learn how to kayak and go on trip through tidewater there is nothing to stop me but the weather. If I want to take classes that have no utilitarian application I do so with vigor. I haven’t felt this free from constraint since my freshman year in undergraduate school. The sex is better now , too.

  8. Retirement is the best part of aging. Not having to ever tolerate the bad behavior of supervisors and managers. Being able to go where I want, when I want and take classes without having to worry about taking off work. It’s great!

  9. I can think of nothing I like about getting older. The golden years are fool’s gold.
    Agism abounds. My neighborhood in Brooklyn has no one with whom to be friendly…no English speakers. I do feel that having some realistic–okay a bit cynical, acquaintances ( gotta start somewhere before you can call anyone friend) might be somewhat beneficial to brighten my point of view.

  10. Absolutely, it is the fact that I FINALLY started doing what I want to do, and stopped trying to please my husband. For 29 years, I tried and tried to make him happy, to please him. He is just a negative person, and all that happened was that I was very unhappy. I cried a lot. I am an intelligent professional woman, and I gave him so much. Now I do things that I want to do, and I don’t let it bother me that he’s negative about everything, every day.

    1. I relate so much to your comment Joanne. When I get together with my book club, my prayer group, the wellness group, or the group of coworkers I’ve stayed in contact with for meetings or dining out – I no longer stress over my husband saying, “What am I going to do?” We do things together, but he has to find his way individually.

  11. I am now 71. A few years ago I said to my niece I hope you won’t let yourself be put down to keep the peace or keep a boyfriend.
    She looked at me incredulously and said why would I do that?
    I thought, “You go girl.” I knew she would be okay in life.

  12. Being comfortable in my own skin. Wearing makeup or going makeup free, enjoying my natural hair color, experimenting with different fashion styles, etc. Before I retired, I dressed and did my makeup and hair based on what I thought others expected of me. It’s nice to just be my authentic self.

    1. That is so true, I did exactly the same thing, at work and out, even at the grocery store. The only thing around the house I enjoy going braless. It’s like you are in my head. Enjoy retirement , I sure am!

  13. Love this, Virge. My favorite thing about getting older is the wonderful peace I feel while out in public. As a 65 plus active woman I spent years dealing with catcalls and whistles, inappropriate remarks, and sometimes groping. It’s as if I’m finally enjoying the anonymity of being male. I’m loving it. I’ve never understood why so many men harrass women.

  14. I have to agree with your comment and add an additional remark. I’m 74 and I feel that accountability or lack of accountability teaches us very important lessons. This is a means to growth and change. If someone must be accountable (including me), they’re more invested and earnest about what they’re doing. I set my boundaries for my own personal well-being and I firmly believe others will truly benefit from setting their own boundaries and accountability expectations as well.

  15. One of my favorite things is honoring my values about what’s worth my time. I used to try things because people said “you should” or “I think you’d like this.” Now, with 65 years of life experience, I trust I have a strong idea about what might please me. I’ll be polite if I decline a suggestion or request, but I don’t leave it negotiable.

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