COMMENTS

15 responses to “Ask Joan: Head vs. Heart”

1. The woman I was in a relationship periodically had guilt because we were having sex. One Sunday morning she heard a sermon which caused her to say “I can’t do this anymore.” I had no interest in being legally married again but we had talked about having a “covenant marriage” with no license from the state. I told her that I was very close to proposing marriage. She said “no, I know you don’t really want to be married.” From that moment on I’ve asked “why do women have to overthink everything?”

   Reply to Stephen Kilpatrick

   1. “Women” overthink everything? Because one particular woman did? And yet the letter to Joan was from a woman about a man who was overthinking. Misogynist much?

      Reply to Alison Loris

2. Where were this man’s convictions when they were making love? It bothers me when she says, “He wants me to watch sermons to understand and come around to his religious beliefs.” HE wants HER to COME AROUND TO HIS religious beliefs. He wants her to change. He has not offered to meet her halfway at all. She should take this experience and move on. I am having a similar thing with my husband; he is suddenly reverting to religious convictions that he told me years ago did not matter to him.

   Reply to Anne

3. This is a very sad story. The male knew in the beginning what his religious reservations were, yet he took advantage of the situation and enjoyed the pleasures of a sexual relationship before he felt a conviction and then decided to put the brakes on. That conversation should have been had at the very beginning.. How many times is he going to break his promise to God at the woman’s expense.

   Reply to Bernice Prince

4. Hello Reader,
   Growing old as a senior there’s more to life than sex. Have you ever thought about companionship. Just having someone to communicate with, & exploring compatibility, is better than sex. And I don’t believe in sex before marriage. That is my belief. Putting God first and He will direct your path. Forget about intimacy & work on your religious relationship. Just remember with God all things are possible.

   Reply to Doris Wilson

   1. No, no, no. I was brought up in a Christian home and very firmly was taught that even in marriage sex was ONLY for procreation. I learnt when my marriage was over that the Bible doesn’t say that. My Asian Christian wife left me as she was very passionate and said she needed sex. I am a saved Bible believer but I am not a “Christian ” … 90% of people that call themselves a Christian are full of BS. They are liars. The few times I have been cheated in biz was a Christian.

      Reply to David Dods

5. I am suspicious of the man’s intentions. Within three months he is intimate in a new relationship AND recalls that he is a devout Christian? Is the woman’s bank account healthier than his? Move on from him ASAP!

   Reply to Elizabeth

6. Many things don’t change with age. As a women we want to care for others. This goes into all our relationships. At our older age we have to stop ourselves. Most of us need to now direct our energy to ourselves. It’s time for ourselves.

   If any relationship requires you to conform and help them you need to runaway.

   Reply to Pamela Beck

7. “He wants me to watch sermons to understand and come around to his religious beliefs.” That doesn’t sound good, because it probably won’t end with his attitudes toward sex.

   Reply to Laura

8. As hard as it may be she should move on. I respect his decision but she has a right to have a complete relationship with a man. At 70, I am not sure I agree with abstaining unless married.

   Reply to Brenda

9. It is not beyond the realm of possibility that third man has found another partner he prefers and wants to let the reader down gently (though she may not find his method gentle). Whether or not that’s the case, the reader would do well to thank this man for their time together and move on. The reader is right: We don’t have time to waste – on a situation that will not improve.

   Reply to Stella Fosse

10. Your spot on Joan. Several years ago, I had a 65 yo widowed friend who ended up marrying due to his religious beliefs, exactly the same as this man. Ended up divorced within the year. Their values were not similar when it came to intimacy and religion.

    Reply to Lexy

11. For readers here who use Facebook, there’s quite a discussion going about this column on my “Naked at Our Age with Joan Price” Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/JoanPriceAuthor/posts/pfbid0K3Kje24SLjsa2SDW2oVLcAWTCbRC5DJSzmrz7kkNTVGkbJZZeedLE3VzwSEzEMRyl . (I hope posting this link is permitted.)

    Reply to Joan Price

12. I totally agree with Joan.

    I lost my (second) wife and soul mate in 2022 and have been exploring life as a single for over a year. I’ve had several relationships lasting 1-3 months. All wonderful women.

    What I’ve seen is that as much as we fall for someone and WANT it to work, there are a lot of moving parts. We need to be on the same page sexually. We also need compatible dreams and desired lifestyle.

    You both will need to meet each other more than halfway for this to work.

    Reply to Ed Liebfried

    1. This happened to me in 1985. My widowed friend of 9 years had joined a fundamentalist Christian church, persuaded by her son. They had prayed over to seek forgiveness for fornicating. We were already booked on a camping holiday abroad. Her daughter persuaded her to go and I took two tents. She started having nightmares and eventually decided to join me in my tent but on a platonic basis. When we got back home the church spirited her away. Later she ended up in a mental hospital. So sad.

       Reply to David Cohen