Before I ever laid eyes on George, I knew he was a fellow senior. How? I caught a glimpse of his office. Scattered around on the bookshelves that lined his walls were dozens of pairs of black-rimmed plastic reading glasses.
Cheaters – they’re part of our senior plumage. I have several pairs myself that I misplace constantly. I take them off, set them down – and they vanish into thin air. Eventually they reappear. On the coffee table. In my pockets. In a desk drawer.
Once, on top of the birdcage.
I wondered, how many hours have I spent hunting for reading glasses? Maybe the definition of senior is “a person who misplaces multiple pairs of cheaters.”
To test the definition, I logged onto Facebook and asked my pals: How many pair of reading glasses do you own – and how often do you misplace them?
Mark chimed in right away:
I have three pairs and I misplace them constantly.
Mark was not alone:
I own at least a dozen and can never find any of them. They’re everywhere and nowhere at once!
I have reading glasses in every room in my house and in my purse. And yet I can never find a pair.
I buy them online by the four-pack for seven bucks. They are everydamnwhere.
How many do I have? Dozens! Stashed all over the house. But it’s only a matter of time before I lose them all.
Six pairs. One in my car, one by the computer, one in the living room, one in the kitchen and God knows where the others are.
I have five pairs. But I only like one of them.
When my grandmother passed away, we found 37 pairs of reading glasses!
Cheaters, lost and found:
Often when I look for them I find that they’re already on my head.
A pair once fell out of my pocket when I was gardening. Found them again while weeding two weeks later.
Our Bichon likes to carry them off. I’ll occasionally find specs in his bed. One of these days, I expect to come home and find him wearing them.
I once came out of the grocery store and found a pair on top of my parked car. Not sure how that happened.
Not everyone has trouble keeping track of their specs (these are organized types):
I never misplace mine because I have many pairs that I leave in specific places: kitchen, knitting chair, office, bedside, car, client’s office, purse, living room.
I have a drugstore pair for each room where I’m likely to use them and an Rx pair by my bed, my fave place to read.
I store mine on top of my head!
Some of my more practical friends keep their specs on hand for specific uses:
I carry a stylish pair in my purse for reading labels and menus.
I keep a pair in my bicycle pouch… just in case I need to change a tire or fix the chain.
I keep a pair in the car. There’s nothing worse than going somewhere and being unable to see when you get there.
My favorite takeaway from my Facebook experiment? Cheaters aren’t just a necessity – they’re an accessory!
I consider them fashion. I own a dozen and switch them around depending on what I’m wearing.
I have actually grown out my hair because my previous style did not look good with glasses on top of my head.
I like something spiffy. Brightly colored frames! Edged with rhinestones.
Most of mine are round and Harry Potter-esque. But I have a great pair of pink cat‘s eye frames.
All I know is that the older I get, the more wild and colorful my reading glasses.
How many pairs of reading glasses do you have? Plain specs or wild and crazy? Where is the most unexpected place you’ve found them?
Tell us about your peepers in the comments section below. The commenter with the best response will win a copy of Roz Warren’s new book, “Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection of Library Humor.”
Roz Warren writes for the New York Times, the Huffington Post and many other publications. Find more of Roz’s work at www.rosalindwarren.com, and connect with her on Facebook and Twitter @WriterRozWarren.