COMMENTS

31 responses to “I Caught My Husband Watching Porn. Do We Have a Problem?”

1. I’m 75, been married for 53 years. My wife and I have sex once a week. I watch porn several times a week. For me, it’s helped me be able to maintain an erection (along with a pill) for 2 to 3 hours. I assure you my wife and I collapse in exhaustion afterwards. Porn has helped me to edge so I can last longer with my wife. I have learned more positions through porn and it has helped our experience. We do look forward to our weekly encounter and for me it has revolutionized our sex life.

   Reply to Sheldon

2. Well I have asked my husband of 30 years why he still watch porn, he denied it then I asked what do you want to do within reason to enhance what we already have sexually, he says everything thing is fine. He doesn’t know I know he masterbates to porn frequent I’ve seen him do it; it seems like he been doing it for years; I ‘ve been in the dark. He mentioned being insecure but I cannot help ‘em if he doesn’t see the porn addiction has caused marital communicate and connection problems

   Reply to Della

3. This is the stupidest article I have read about this topic, written by some “Smart Guy” who has zero inclination to validate how the woman effected feels, and goes further to chastise the women who have experienced it themselves, and how it destructively affects their relationship.

   Unless you senior men want to die alone with an iPad in one hand and your dick in the other, lose the death grip, get your testosterone checked, and figure out to be 100% present in your real life relationship.

   Reply to Jane

4. I don’t care if he watches porn at this age (him 65 and me 63). I hv had my suspicion but never bothered to find out for certain until last night and I think it has been going on for months if not years. I did not let him know that I now know. I think it has become an addiction. He’s always in his bedroom saying he’s tired and wants to sleep. I will only take it seriously once it starts to get out of hand and affect our daily lives and when he continue to neglect the house in favour of porn.

   Reply to Angela Dick

   1. I agree and my husband is addicted to jerking off while on the PC either Hod knows who & I wonder if he takes it to the next level of meeting up❤️‍

      Reply to JEM

5. As a man, after reading the responses from these women, it was all about them and how they felt. Not once did I see them say “I would like to find out why my husband is looking at porn”. Maybe asking your husband if there was anything lacking and not making them feel ashamed. Being sincere and honest to finding out.

   Reply to Smart Guy

6. I’m sorry, but I don’t buy into any of this. If a man in a relationship is watching porn, it’s not only affecting him, but his partner also. Don’t her feelings matter? If she’s hurt he’s looking at young women to get off, then he should stop doing it. Simple. If it was the other way around you can bet a man wouldn’t like his woman searching online for naked men to pleasure herself to.

   Reply to Jen

   1. I agree with you and I’m going thru this right now, I feel like I’m not good enough for him anymore

      Reply to Leonor sanchez

      1. You feel? It’s not about you. Why don’t you try asking your husband what he wants and experiment. Sounds more like your ego is bruised.

      2. I agree Jen .. my husband is watching porn to he is addicted and it’s making me feel Ill I can’t cope

      3. Same here. Caught my 84 year old husband is using porn app. I felt it must be my fault. I’m 79 .. We have sex about once a week but often i get a UTI after sex .. so sex not much fun at times. I feel terrible today as i saw his phone this arvo. .. young girls come up on his homepage .. i feel sick. Glad other women feel like me .. i feel ugly now and so unattractive but i am not that at all. Sick in the stomach tonight.

   2. Yeah really.. my husband retired.. I still worked PT.. I would come home he has done nothing..but sit on that pc.. I check the history..he is jacking off to porn for hours each day.. 30 min. Before I am to come home he rushes to make it appear he is doing odd jobs.. then he put and out lies to me about it!! Even when I am gone a short time.. I come home unexpectedly and he is pulling up him pants and shutting off the pc.. he sits in the office full view from the streets.. ! Now he has a smart phone he is jacking off to that as he sits upstairs in the sitting area ..while his excuse is I don’t watch what he likes to watch on tv.. he even is watching having sex with animals porn…!! His temper is getting very short.. and now he has PORN ED so no sex life.. he no longer cares..

      Reply to Sally

      1. Oh I have to add.. I have caught him red handed.. his response.. he demanded an apology… he yelled at me to get out of there you dumb bitch…! Ever since he retired he has done this for hours.. and tells me lies all the time about it. I ask so what time did you get up..as he waits for me to leave then gets on the pc.. he says oh I got up at 7.. really the history says you got up and signed on 5 minutes after I left and on the pc till 30 min. Before I got hOME! We can now not go anywhere that he does not belittle me or treat me like property.. in public he will yell at me.. don’t walk away when I am talking to you.. or you stay right here do not walk around.. on and on..

      2. Sounds like your relationship has other problems besides porn. Go see a marriage counselor.

   3. Thank you for not buying into this “there is nothing wrong with this”. Damn…the young girls are your daughters or granddaughters age. Women are not just objects.

      Reply to Judy

   4. Damn straight.

      Reply to Kisha White

   5. Agree. Also, masturbating is not the same as watching other women/men having sex. It’s a bad business and professionals know these ‘actors” are very often under duress.

      Reply to Carolyn T

   6. Yeah. I agree. It feels like virtual cheating. The Bible says if you do it in your heart than you are just as guilty of sin.

      Reply to Ronald Trahan Jr

7. As a women married for 35 years – my heart and soul are so in love with this same boy I married all those years ago, and if he is still in love with me, then why would he need to look and get off with porn?
   I ask this because My thinking is, if I am going to allow myself to lust after someone else – I am going to enjoy what I am lusting after – and it won’t be by my own hands or hard uncomfortable toys – it will be with someone who can return the same feelings my body is aching for.
   I can’t prove it – but, my body is aching to be touched and I feel like I am being replaced by porn… I pray none of your wives feel this way.

   Reply to Jay

   1. I am going through this wit my 72 yr. Old husband. I feel like I have been thrown away. I feel so betrayed. I’ve been replaced for all these porn ladies. I am so sad all the time. He does not care. He told me there’s the door if I didn’t like it. Our sex life has never been great as I have always been left out. He would much rather look at porn than have a sexual relation with me. I guess I was stupid for staying 53 years. Now I will be 70 in a few months. I never thought I would end up so alone.

      Reply to Janice Smith

      1. I feel same way. Married 47 years , both are 68. He’s watching so much porn by his self,
         I’m feeling like something is wrong with our relationship. We use to watch together but he won’t even admit to watching it. It was open on his iPad.

   2. I do jay I hate it x

      Reply to Diane

   3. Men don’t have to live by the same rules as women do. They get to do whatever they want and society says that if the woman is hurt or angry she is just jealous and that women are the ones that need to change. This makes me so mad.

      Reply to Kisha White

8. I urge any of you who watch porn, or are bothered or frightened by porn, to read “Ethical Porn for Dicks, A Man’s Guide to Responsible Viewing Pleasure” by clinical psychologist David Ley, Ph.D. It’s written for men, but has superb information for any gender.

   Reply to Joan Price

   1. Excellent advice. Instead of these women wallowing in their own sorrow, find out why the men are watching.

      Reply to Smart Guy

      1. Because they are selfish dirtbags, that’s why. They only care about the “physical “ aspects of sex snd not the connection they are losing with their wives by doing what they are doing.

      2. Wallowing I their sorrow…what a dick

      3. Yeah, ask a man why he watches porn. He just lies about it and wont talk about it and says every man does it.

      4. I think you should ask yourself why you think this has to all be the womens fault. Marriage is supposed to be a monogamous relationship meaning you vow to share those certain parts of yourself only with your partner. From what these women describe that is being violated. It’s a form of cheating in many of these descriptions.
         I am a woman who enjoys and is stimulated by porn sometimes, but we agree to only watch it together as additional spice to our sex life.

9. I appreciate this column, Joan. I have a client couple who are dealing with this very subject. At her pressure, he has, he claims, given up watching porn on the I’net. I believe him and so, at some level, does she. But she is still struggling with “I’m not enough for him-itis”, and communicates distrust of him. They are in their 60s and are a great couple. They are very sexually active; have extended sex play 3-4 times a week (Yes. I envy them. LOL) But the cancer is still there.

   This column will contribute to their healing. Thank you.

   Reply to David Pittle

   1. Thank you for sharing this column with your clients, David. “I’m not enough for him [or her] -itis” affects many couples and is tough to overcome. But it can be done, especially with the help of therapists like you, David, and reading/ hearing other people’s experiences on sites like this one.

      I hope other couples who have faced a similar situation and overcome it will share their insights.

      Reply to Joan Price