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Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Nothing is out of bounds! To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org.
A reader writes:
My husband and I are in our late 60s. I still have a strong libido and love having sex at least twice a week. My problem is that these days, I take so long to orgasm. I take bioidentical hormones and we use lubricant, so sex is comfortable. I feel sexy and eager, but I just can’t “bring it home” in a reasonable amount of time. This morning it took an hour!
For a while, we thought our sex life was going to be ruined by my husband’s ED, and we went through a long dry spell. None of the pills ever worked for him. That’s when I learned to masturbate. (I never did before because I’ve been with my husband since I was 17 and he was my only partner.) Then I used the Internet to learn everything I could about ED and was amazed to find out that a man can orgasm without an erection. As far as I’m concerned, that alone made the Internet worth its weight in gold.
We started experimenting and rediscovered our former sex life, with some adjustments. We are very joyful with each other. We use our hands, mouths, kissing, touching. It’s like your basic teenagers in a car without birth control! It just takes me so long….
My husband is wonderful and he always says he doesn’t mind how long it takes me, but I mind. I feel terrible for what I put him through! He wants to get me there and will keep trying for as long as I want to.
We recently discovered a new approach: we enjoy each other sexually without orgasm being the goal. That takes the pressure off. We do everything we enjoy, and if someone has an orgasm that’s fine, but sometimes neither of us does. It still brings us very close to each other and makes us happy.
But when I do want an orgasm, is there anything I can do to speed things up? I tried using a vibrator, but I just didn’t like it, even when my husband tried to use it with me. —Taking Too Long
Joan Responds:
Good for the two of you for having great sex despite your husband’s erectile dysfunction. So many men and their partners have the mistaken idea that if the penis can’t get hard, sex is over. Far from it! If we stop believing that only a firm penis can give pleasure we open to a whole world of sexy delights. We can be sexually stimulated and brought to orgasm by hands, mouths, genitals rubbing, a vibrator, or a combination of any or all of these. And as you’ve discovered, he doesn’t need an erection to orgasm. A soft penis and its owner are capable of experiencing great pleasure with sensation provided by a partner and/or self-stimulation.
As for your question — ah, how many people in our age group would love to receive sexual pleasure for a whole hour from their partner! Of course, I understand why you feel anxious and can’t believe that your husband is happy focusing on your pleasure for that long. You’re anxious that he’s getting tired or losing interest — and your anxiety slows you down more. It’s a form of performance anxiety.
I went through this myself with my husband Robert at the beginning of our relationship. We met when I was 57 and he was 64, and our sexual connection was exhilarating, exuberant, and downright incredible. (This led me to start writing about senior sex, in fact.) However, I took so darned long to reach orgasm and was sure that he was getting bored, which made me take even longer! I finally voiced my concerns to him. He replied with a loving smile, “I don’t care if it takes three weeks, as long as I can take breaks sometimes to change positions or get something to eat!”
I advise you to do with your husband what I did with Robert — believe him when he says he doesn’t mind at all. I’ll bet that if you relax and stop worrying about taking so long, you’ll reach orgasm faster. And if you don’t, just enjoy the journey.
If you’d still like some tips for speeding things along, try these:
- Exercise before sex. Exercise increases blood flow to your muscles, brain and – yes! – your genitals. Increased blood flow helps make arousal and orgasm faster.
- Start on your own ahead of time. Take time before sex to get yourself aroused through fantasy or your own touch.
- Use a vibrator. I know you said you tried one and didn’t like it, but I encourage you to try others. Read my Senior’s Guide to Vibrators (https://seniorplanet.org/the-seniors-guide-to-vibrators/) and my vibrator reviews at www.nakedatourage.com. You may find that the orgasm that took you an hour yesterday will take only 10 minutes with a well-chosen, well-placed vibrator.
I love your newfound sexual enjoyment of each other without goals. You’ve discovered a real key to lifelong sexual delight and intimacy. If more of us embraced that relaxed approach to sex, we’d find more pleasure, not less. Thank you for sharing how you keep sex strong. —Joan
Would you like to see more questions and answers? See all of Joan’s advice in Sex @ Our Age.
- Send Joan your questions by emailing sexpert@seniorplanet.org. All information is confidential.
Joan Price is the author of the new “Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50: How to Maintain – or Regain! – a Spicy, Satisfying Sex Life”; the award-winning self-help book “Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex”; and the sexy memoir, “Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty.” Visit Joan’s blog, “Naked at Our Age,” and her Facebook page.
COMMENTS
92 responses to “How an Older Woman Can Reach Orgasm Faster”
My wife (she is 71) completely cut me off from any kind of sex with her back in 2007. She had breast cancer (and it was directly related to estrogen that she took at the onset of menopause) and the doctors never told her that estrogen can cause breast cancer. After the chemo my wife complained that when I ejaculated that it caused a severe burning sensation. We tried condoms, silicone lubricants, etc. to try to make her comfortable but nothing worked. 12 years ago our sex life ended.
Had to leave a comment for all of you fellow ED guys.. My partner is a hot 51 while I am 60. 3rd time lucky for myself.
The main reason for wanting to comment is after soul-destroying failure to get back my erections, I stumbled on cock rings and particular medical grade silicone by imedihelp, stops venal leakage and now have erections back along with confidence. 3 sizes as don’t want to cut off circulaion but tight. If helps one, I’ve passed on some good karma.. Best of luck to all of you..
Wonderful discussion – thank you. Both 70+ and she is very orgasmic, comes once or twice most days, and I lick her clit or anus to get her there or use a toy. Sometimes it’s a few minutes, sometimes much longer. I love doing it, she loves it, so we do it lots, and touch each other in little ways all the time. I can’t go inside her cunt sadly as I don’t get hard now, but I still have very strong orgasms, with a flaccid penis, in her mouth – her only jokey grumble is there is less to swallow now!
HAHA well I am 74 and would love, caress, adore a good man. He can be from 60 to 70 b/c my libido is high (more like I am 34) and my mind is no older than 54. I still climax and don’t even need the lube (never did). Where are all the men that are as deprived as I am? OH MY!!! I live in the mountains of N.C. Been trying to find a good man that can still function for about 3 years now.
Wandakate, I absolutely love your post, YUM YUM,
Sadly I’m only a dreamer though because I’m married, Me and my wife have been together for a rough 38 years, she’s always been mean and hateful and 5 years ago she had a complete hysterectomy and we’ve only touched sexually 3 or4 times since then.
She’s the only woman I’ve been intimate with in the 38 years.
After reading your post guess I’ll just go hang my head and cry,lol
Hi Mandakate,, I think we both have the same problem,,, trying to find a partner that you can spoil and pleasure,,, and the best place to do that is in the Appalachian Mountains,,, I’m in Florida now for 8 years for my work with one of the largest Road Construction companies in the U. S.,,, and I hate this state,,, too flat,, no beautiful fresh water lakes,,, and the majority of the people are not fun to be around,,, so where am I supposed to find my love and magical sexual partner??? HELP!!!!
Wandakate,,,,, why are all the good women so far away?,,,, I would give anything to find a women with your mind and attitude,,, 66 and stuck in Florida because of work,, and I truly hate it here,,, I’m a mountain boy from the Catskills,,, and a women like you would make my life complete,, Thank you for your great post
I’m 74 years old and my wife is 66 and hot. I do have a bit of ed starting but we found out a long time ago that we both prefer oral sex. She started on oral sex with me 43 years ago and she’s
amazing. Also i made her orgasm just by playing with her d tits. Now we are gonna try a clit tongue vibrator, and shes all for it. I still see her as the hot horny women i met 43 years . Being she only was with 1 other man before me who didnt like oral sex at and both our fantasies are real now.
All wonderful commentsI am68 and my wife of 28 years is 63.
We have sex 2 times a week and she prefers to use her vibrator and dildo to bring herself to orgasm without my participation.
It takes he45 – 1 hour to orgasm. She refuses hormones.
She used to masturbate 2-3 times a week watching her porn while alone. Now she claims not to masturbate.
It would me nice if men and women would be more proactive in their sexuality and general health.
I discussed this and her lack of interest in touching me in any way with my Dr. Who advised Sex counseling but my wife says she’s just fine. She won’t discuss sex at all. So, I am sexually and intimately alone.
Best to all of you and keep communicating with each other.
I wish my wife would let me play with her an HR.it might kill me but I give it everything I got to get her there.my wife want discuss sex masterbation even though she wakes me up playing. With hers.if I mention anything. About sex she gets mad and we had sex everyday for years.she thinks it’s shamefully for me to watch her orgasam to me it’s a beautifull thing and it turns me on.how can a man have sex with a soft penis and still have the feeling of fuming.explain please.
Get a good vibrated and do it yourself, personally I like the finger ones!!!
We are all thinking it :-) Thank you for saying so
My husband does get fed up with the length of time it takes me to orgasm. Not all men are willing to go the distance. I just take matters into my own hands. He has no patience.
So sorry to hear this , if I may. Love making starts way before bedtime. It can start a day or two ahead. You can start this without him knowing. Take a few seconds in the morning to rub or squeeze his hand , or just a few seconds and rub his back. Later Remind him how much you appreciate and respect him. Maby in the middle of the day call him and just ask how’s he doing. I would suggest starting at least a couple of days before. He doesn’t have to know your strategy. I hope this helps. Personally, I’ve been celibate for 10 years. What I do remember is the most exciting passionate sex was spontaneous. I would love to be intimate once again but finding a woman my age that is like-minded is nearly impossible
OH goodness. Well, I have been without a man even since my ex went thru his male mid-life crisis and had 3 affairs after a 33 yr. marriage. I got rejected the thoughts of intimacy. But anyway at 70 I decided this is NOT what I want. I don’t wanna grow old without a man, intimacy and love in my life. I just turned 74, my mind is only 54 and my libido is about 34. I still orgasm without lubricant and it takes 15 mins. of less. SO, that brings me joy. Now If I had a man that would be great!!!
I am a 60 yr old female my husband 61 yr old we have the best sex lives for years, me ive always had multiple orgasms & him long hours of good sex,he was my dream partner my lover,my 1 of akind,i wouldnt trade him for nothing in this world,he is my soulmate,no matter where we make love or have sex it’s always great an something added in to add more spice,we never let our flames go out.
I’m 55, my wife 57, we flipped roles, she has orgasms faster than ever, ( 2 of them 3RD one takes some time) and I take a long time, but have some smaller ones before i finally finish.
Sex for me know feels better than ever, I masterbate more now than i did as a kid, Don’t even hide it anymore. She will walk in on me, make a little joke like “I like the view” or takes over.
I am very happy to read your story. I am 62 and my husband is 63. Our great sex life came to a screeching halt after menopause left me extremely dry and unable to have sex. He was going crazy. I finally found a wonderful gynecologist who put me on low dose hormone therapy. It literally saved my marriage and my life. Sex is as good as when we were in our 20’s , and l’m able to reach orgasm much faster. The hormones cleared up about five other health issues that I had too. To me, the small risk is so worth the quality of life I have now.
I agree totally about low dose Estrogen. I am 68 and my partner of several months is 74. I had a hysterectomy at 39 years old, then became widowed at age 41.I really never met anyone that I wanted to be with until now. We have discovered fun & true intimacy. Sex at this age is freeing! I’ve had no problems with dryness and I have multiple orgasms. Our one issue was ED. We were able to discuss it and see a specialist. Pills didn’t work, but taking injections of Trimix allow for full penetration!
Hey guys thought you might like to hear from the other side of the fence. I’m a 39 year old male who, a few years ago, got over a long relationship with a gal who was very indifferent with sex or even really trying any ideas to try to improve that facet. I tried so many things over time, but alas I failed. About a year ago I started spending time with a 65 year old gal, whom I always found physically attractive, and things got hot one night and good lordy! The flood gates have opened! We see each other a few times a week now and have great sex. She hadn’t had a sex life in 20 years and now shes having 3-4 orgasms per outing. Her oral pleasure skills are incredible and I express how good she looks in lingerie. While we may not ride off into the sunset together necessarily I think it’s taught us both about different age groups, boosted both our self confidence, offered a sort of sexual therapy, and burns off a few calories in the process. In closing, I will say the more vigerous we get, she takes awhile to recover because of soreness…may be the only big age “issue” I’ve noticed!!! Great experience here, hats off to you guys who open your minds and don’t give up, I sure hope I’m the same way when my 60s and 70s approach. Don’t know if this is useful info but it’s another “position” anyway!
The soreness could easily be alleviated by using a good silicone lube and/or some estrogen cream.
Hi to y my wife is 55 she says it hurts to start having sex but a out 4 min into it she starts having Orgasms a lot of them she then takes care of me and then she wants more but now she’s saying she don’t wanna do it because it hurts too much upfront any ideas
This website definitely has all of the info I wanted concerning this subject and didn?t know
who to ask.
I am 71 and met a man now age 42 5 years ago. I was freaked out how he wanted to get into a long term sexual relationshop with a woman my age. He was persistant.
Keep in my he was only 37 and I 66 when we met.
First we became friends, and it took me two years to realize the big question: what are you waiting for, girl? Time is a waisting.
Well, I am strong ,flexible & think like a much younger woman. Playful, plump and very wet often. All it takes is playing with my nipples a while. He is HOT!
I want to learn more..
hello I am 62 my partner is53 we have the best time making love but I had a bad experience befor this one so if things don’t seem right get out and find someone you can be happy with.just because we are older we can still find love we can all be happy give it a go. thanks for this site
I am 61, single, nice looking, healthy and cannot orgasm at all anymore except occasionally with a vibrator. I have a very good libido and sex feels great. I have had 2 men break off prior relationships because they said that “they cannot please me” (one of those also had ED) I am in a relationship now that is a few months old. I have never once faked it and I won’t do that but I already see my boyfriend getting frustrated, he has ED but of course there are treatments for men, all kinds but nothing for women. He is doing everything he can and so am I. He loves giving me oral and is good at it. I think I see the handwriting on the wall or maybe I’m just scarred from the past. He said that we will get through it. When men are frustrated because you cannot orgasm then it really makes it more difficult and it’s a vicious circle. Then you are always thinking about it and trying to hurry. When I say frustrated I mean that he tries everything and it feels wonderful but he is disappointed when I don’t finish. It seems like women have to accept the disappointment, secretly hide their frustration to make men feel better which causes resentment. If I faked it life would be super simple…for him anyway. Before him I had given up on relationships because of this and the breakups. I really love him and he is patient however it would probably be easier for him if he found a woman who is not dysfunctional, I hope he doesn’t but I am a realist. I have researched this so much and got even more frustrated because there is nothing to help women.
Sarah, it’s not a cheap toy, but you and your man should try to invest in a Sybian. This may change the game completely and he will love helping you with it.
Please take the time to let me know if this works for you. It’s definitely worth a try and they offer a money back guarantee but you won’t need ever get rid of it.
Clitoral hood piercing ladies!!!!!
Nothing crushes the soul of a man than hearing his wife or partner frown with hateful eyes and say, “I don’t want to have sex of any kind with you.”
Google: The sex-starved marriage | Michele Weiner-Davis | TEDxCU
Google: Save Your Marriage What Sex Means to Your Husband
I endured a sexless marriage for 1 year all because my wife found someone better on the side.
No man should be married and feel he is dying of loneliness.
I had a choice of cheating like she was or divorce.
I chose divorce.
I am a 72 year old widower. I cared for my late wife of 47 years during a long series of her ilnesses. We both lost interest in sex. Year after she died I decided to get fit . I met a divorcee who persuaded me to join a commercial weight loss programme. As I lost weight our sex life improved to the point that whilst we maintaind our own homes we often stayed at each others houses and went on trips together. We only spent 10 days apart most months. As time went by we had sex usually twice per day when we were together. She particularly enjoyed oral sex and had multiple orgasms. That relationship ended in the New Year because of “baggage” from her divorce and other difficulties. I have continued my fitness regime during lockdown. My libido has improved even more and I no longer use pills to counter occasional ED. My self esteem and confidence is soaring as I have now lost 50lbs. I look younger according to others who know me. Lockdown has prevented meeting a new lady in person. There have been lots of online flirtations. I have now met a widow online and honestly and openly exchanged very romantic messages and we have left each other in no doubt that we desire each other very physically. We meet for the first time next week.
Men rarely attend my weight loss group and never during the zoom substitutes in recent months. Ladies you should encourage your mentolk to get fit. It might solve some problems for you. I hate sport, either watching or participating, but I enjoy a brisk walk and leisure swimming. Plus following a careful diet. A Fitbit is a useful motivator. There are other activity trackers.
I’m having the same problem, except it’s with my husband. Will love to get help.
I am 47 year old woman never married.
Pls help to reach climax, I don’t even know how to drive my man , I am so ashamed.
I am an African women living in FS help me
Strongly recommend Pompoir. Pompoir is a series of exercises designed to directly target the pubococcygeus muscles, or PC muscles, that are located inside of the vagina. This exercise regimen tightens and strengthens the vaginal muscles, helping you build a powerful sex skill that redefines intimacy and builds self-confidence.
My wife of 72 (I am 73) gets mad ever time I mentioned the word sex. I want my wife back!
She also says she doesn’t have any desire for sex from me or anyone else. How can I revamp her sex drive for me or anybody else (if necessary). I bought a small vibrator; but she just yells at me to get it out of here. She doesn’t want to pleasure me any kind of way.
Henry, I don’t know your wife or your circumstances, but I was the same way at a much earlier age (I’m not that way now). For a lot of women, they lose interest in sex when they don’t feel attractive anymore. Another reason is because of resentment or feeling they’re taken for granted. In my experience, the only time my then husband ever touched me was when he wanted sex. Our only conversations consisted of him complaining about something I did or didn’t do. Once he started giving me more kindness and affection without the expectation of sex, the more I was interested.
If you have a kindle or buy the 50 Shades trilogy books, including two more “… as told by Christian”. Suggest you read books together. Movies are a great intro before books. Good luck.
Is pornography a good stimulant for women? My wife won’t participate in it because she says it makes her uncomfortable and perverted
If she is uncomfortable then I say no. TALK to her about it and find out if there are any reason for her uncomfortableness.
As women we are told to not be easy or we are labeled well you know, sluts.
Find another way!!!!
Everyone is different, The sexiest stimulant (speaking for myself) is Kindness, conversation, appreciation, rubbing my feet, rubbing my shoulders…. my late husband & I communicated & were affectionate with each other throughout the day, even when it was figuring which vegetables to add to the soup. However if we didn’t see each other for a day or two, and When my late husband would want to just jump straight to the act, we have this joke about “don’t try to start the car in the garage! First, go out to the garage open the garage door start the car and take the car out of the garage:)” it’s been five years since he has passed and I am finally dating again… Touch being an important communication for me , Covid definitely has made it interesting. Thank you for letting me share with you all
Having sexual pleasures with your new or partner starts between your ears and theirs no age limit on how old( young you feel . Ive done 5 yrs study on friendships and sex. Older women can have. That spark of want .ive seen mature women with younger men and it works well and vs.versa. i myself enjoy a lady 60+ whos active not setting in a chair. The pheromones between 60+ women and men 40+ makes both people more healthy and sexually more active throughout lifes kindness and love ..
My husband’s interest in making love died within a few years of our marriage. We are going on 40 years and he has had no interest at all for the last 15 years. He’s not willing to talk about it or try anything. I’m 63, he is 73. A few months ago I met up with a boyfriend from college who is 68. We had great sex back then. His wife moved him out of their bedroom 10 years ago. We spent 3 days together making love, and it was amazing to be loved physically at my age after so many years. I felt attractive and comfortable with him and he with me. He gets hard but doesn’t stay hard for long and still comes. He is a wizard with his mouth and hands. We plan to meet again several times a year.
How do you feel about “sex outside” your marriage? I’m not “married”, but I (female) have been madly in love with the same woman for nearly 3 decades. I still sometimes get butterflies. We both just retired very young, so I’m not sure about meeting up with an old flame. My partner and I might discover each other. We deserve each other all over, don’t we?
I think your husband still needs a explanation why you having sex with another man. Give him a ultimatum where you explain how much you still need sex. Then you won’t have to sneak around. Maybe he will understand your needs.
I too, am 73. My partner is also 63. When I was about 60, noticeable physical/ sexual chances in my body occurred where I lost the ability to ..think.. an erection into being. Ever since I was a teenager, all I had to do to bring on an erection, was think about it – but after I aged into my early-60s, that `talent’ was lost. Oh I still have the other functions, & once interests & stimulations are ignited, I can still perform reasonably well. Am still Very Interested in the female form & still very much enjoy playing w/ the female body.
However in the last yr or 2, my ….execution….. has slowed. As in the article where the wife is now taking an inordinate amount of time, it is taking me more & more effort to achieve full release. A lot more effort. I wouldn’t say I am alarmed as much as I would term it – frustrated. There is actually startling reward for a man in dry-performance, but a man wants to feel the coursing of fluid. My partner REALLY tries to cooperate, but also is not a young-one & either suffers loss-of-lubrication at some point, or exhaustion before I have `conceded=not tonight’. I have learned to accept a lesser achievement of my role, & show graciousness & immense gratitude to her for allowing me the wonderful privilege of being intimate w/ her. She still has her own wondrous powers of enjoyment & Will for our time together, & bless-her-heart – she expresses no criticism of my staging.
My 1st wife passed years ago, we had a super sex life. Think and it grows. I had ED. 2007 got a penile implant! Best thing ever! 1st wife could ride to happiness till she was spent. Married 2nd wife 48 me 54 She says “Pump him up!” Loves to lay back we two lazy sex because of now 65 me her60 but it takes longer which she orgasms on my unit. Get a implant ,hear the wife happy.
You two are blessed & I admire your non-critical attitudes.
If you have not already discovered it, there are so mant wonderful better quality lubricants on the market. They work very well. So shop around at most national chains in the pharmacy or sexual aids section. Good luck.
I’m a 65 year old woman, and for the first time in my life I’m having regular multiple orgasms. I have no idea why this is so, except my gyno said my pelvic floor is starting to descend, so maybe the internal part of my clitoris is closer to my vibrator. It’s nice but I dont know what is causing it.
I didn’t like my vibrator at first, but if I were the lady who didn’t like HER vibrator, I wouldn’t give up.
It takes forever to reach orgasm in the shower with it blasting on my clit.
HELP! I really miss my orgasms.
Regular water directly on our genitals seems to dry the skin.
Try shopping around for good lubricant which you can apply before turning on the shower water. Good luck.
My wife is 60 years old and I am 43… When she turned 58 or so she started being multi orgasmic.. She has 3 to 6 orgasms within a few strokes.. She retired a few months ago so i am chalking it up to no more stress with the working… either way it is a beautiful thing to see her let go…
I have also found them change with age. Rather than one massive orgasm, I’ll have 10-20 smaller ones which frankly is just fine with me. Since the fellow takes longer, it works out! My Gyno says everything is in place like a 20 year old and I’m in my 60s. ( I do plenty of Pilates and Kegel ex) So it may not only be the shift in your pelvic floor.
I am 76 and met a lady of 73 and we are having the best time of our life. Im on no pills and had prostate taken out but by just taking my time on this lady from toes to head I reach my climax and she reaches her orgasm every time we feel like getting wild. Slow does it and rubbing in all the sensitive places and working yourself to the final destination seams to work for us. Its actually better now then when I was young. We both had lost our spouses before we met. Its a wonderful life with the right partner.
That’s wonderful, Butch!
I am so happy for you both- thank you for sharing- a lovely lesson in living life fully- no resignation there!!
damn! Man I would love to be in your shoes! First off I don’t think I am a good enough lover to get the job done. I do know I like giving oral to a lady and the lead often isn’t in the pencil anymore. BUT the want to is there even more than when I was younger. I will be 77 soon and my wife is about 3 years younger at 73 plus. We are both 2nd time arounders. I love her and want her but she is not interested , I think it is because I am no longer the attractive guy I was, (even in my fifties.) Good luck to you and I will keep trying to make love to her.
I am 71 years old and if I have intercourse regularly on a weekly basis, everything is ok, however; if I miss one week, I inevitably get thrush or a UTI, so why does weekly sex help.
As my partner had to take kids on a school camp, we missed one week and I came down with the worst UTI I’ve ever experienced, so bad that I ended. up in hospital.
My son had sent me texts and rang and when he couldn’t get a response, he rushed to my place and found me unconscious. He was unable to arouse me and said one side of my mouth was drooping, so he thought I’d had a stroke and called for an ambulance. We both thought I was dying and it has really traumatized me.
Annie
annie , i’m sorry you are having problems. perhaps if you keep a journal you will find that during those weeks when you are not having sec you are doing other things that you can correlate to increased infections? (increased intake of sugars or alcohol? increased exercise and wearing snug gym clothing? water drinking? taking baths instead of showers? if you are using sex toys, are you sanitizing them every time?) also, with a journal you may discover that it is not the occasional absence of sex but the dietary and hygienic practices after sex that protect you. be well!
I have had that problem in the past as well. Now, I make sure to pee immediately after sex. I also take a cotton ball w hydrogen peroxide and dab it on my urethra. It seems to work . Oh. If you’re using lube, it may be that. I swear I get a uti every time I use lube. What works great is Albone (an obgyn told me to try it). Good luck! Pee and dab lol
Coconut oil is my friend:)) any commercial lube for me is bad in all kinds of ways;
Lets be realistic:
UK research some years ago concluded that some 14% of women (all ages) either frequently failed to orgasm, or never reached orgasm.
I can’t recall the details but it sure indicates the problem is widespread.
As for helping people with the advice that “it’s the journey that counts” & it matters not how long it takes; well that is just silly, & similar advice from a doctor would be unacceptable.
Age does take it’s toll on men & women, some earlier than others but generally it’s fair to say women will lose interest earlier than men.
In a healthy relationship when this crops up both participants can help greatly by not focusing on reassurances & experimentation. Just get on with life!
Thank you for neefed and reminded info.
I’ve been married for 30 years and 13 years of no sex life with husband now 61 he has ED and diagnosed With colitis. Just wondering if what is going on. I tried asking him what’s went wrong but he change topic all times. He probably not interest him anymore. I still want to have those intimacy but I feel like he’s avoiding it. He used to be a good sensual partner but now not at all. BEBE
But a doctor might well say that ‘…it’s the journey that counts…’ or ‘…it doesn’t matter how long it takes…’ because that would be true. You can pump her full of hormones to see if that makes a difference, but once you start putting pressure on her to orgasm you might as well just forget it!
Everyone is different and a combination of relationships make the possibilities extensive. My first husband when we were Young in our 20s and 30s we hardly had sex. My second husband in our 50s and 60s five times a day and it was great every time.Sure there may be statistics and I’m all for
breaking them :-) And creating the life and including the love life I want;
I wished my wife wanted it once a day or at least want it.she doesn’t touch my private parts hardly at all.and want let me touch hers.i thank she’s lost interest in me.she would say if you want it than do all the work.she want even put her arm around me.it hurts.
This is so sad. I would be heartbroken if my husband felt this way. There is nothing more wonderful than a man who will love his wife so much that he will caress her and please her, no matter how long it takes. It is so important to her emotional well-being, her health, and a beautiful relationship.
I am 79 and no sex. I found a lady that has been widowed for 21 years, and I for 11 months. She was dating another guy until he dropped her after a relationship for a while. Now I visited her and she will not date but will have a cup of coffee at her house periodically. She has been okay with that but after I took flowers to her she didn’t return my phone calls for about three weeks now. What am I suppose to do now, and hoe long will it take to wait? I have not made any sexual attempts yet.
Jim
Look further afield. There must be other ladies who may be interested. There is no rule tht says you can only look in one direction at a time. Go window shopping, and see who yo find.
I’m 49 and my husband is 67 years ago we use to bring the house down with sex,now it’s been almost a year or more since we had sex and now I’m having a affair with a 58 year old man that makes me feel so good in bed.my husband drinks alot and when we were having sex my husband would belch liquor constantly I don’t drink I tried to talk to him about it and it just goes out one ear so now I’m having affair but want my husband make me feel good not this man.
don’t give in/or up keep trying! stay at it!! it is supposed to be FUN not WORK!
HATE TO SAY THIS BUT THE WIVES THAT DON’T WANT SEX ARE PROBABLY MASTURBATING THEMSELVES OR ARE GETTING SEX SOMEWHERE ELSE.
Oh Dan
Get s grip. There are actually plenty of women who don’t really want sex any more. Get over yourself.
Or is it a medical problem or a psychological or depression issue… It’s one thing if you’ve never ever had interest but to lose interest in sex you got a look at other factors. Just my opinion
How can I achieve orgasm again?
I am a healthy 70 yr old female and take no meds.
Is there anything a physician can prescribe or anything I can do?
My boyfriend is 62 and I don’t want him to know it is difficult to orgasm for fear of losing him.
I’ve only been like this for a couple of months.
Thank you.
If he truly loves you tell him
My husband is not interested in me and hasn’t been for over two years. I have had no sex for three years and when I have tried masterbation I have no sensation. Should I keep trying or just give up I’m 71 but I’ve only tried a couple of times.
Hi I I have the same problem with my wife not having interest anymore I had to try many things myself in order to stay sound and mind, you can reply back if you like maybe discuss it more,
Thank you
She may need a little testosterone. It is the driving force for libido men as well as women! She can visit her Dr for Bioidentical T cream or pellets inserted under the skin every 3-4months. The pellets have revived my libido after many years. They have been used since the 1930’s and are the size of a grain of rice but can make such a difference in you well being as well. At 59 my husband can’t keep up with me. We may have to get him some too!
.
I’m 57. My husband is 54. I find myself wanting hot, wet sex a lot. He doesn’t seem to want it. I am so sexually frustrated. I thought I was the only one. I have tried talking to him, but he just doesn’t want to hear it. I am starting to want to look outside my marriage for sexual pleasure.
Don’t you dare give up ! You’re a real catch,there’s a nice man out there waiting to take on the challenge and both of you will enjoy every moment of getting you to that ” oh God” point.
You people are considered lucky for being sexually active at your age but it is depressing in my case,my wife seem to have entirely lost interest with sex for the past few years. I am 67 and she 63.
Campe. That is not unusual. In my case its never a given that my wife will be interested. From everything I have read in this case you don’t want to stop. Masturbate if you must. But do not stop having sex
Loss of interest in sex can be just a symptom of some thing else… How is your nutrition, exercise, Hormone balance,mental emotional health? …
Luckily, medical opinion is that every woman should be able to have orgasms – if she really wants.
Furthermore, results from research carried out in the UK in 2014 suggest that the majority of ladies are capable of multiple climasex – if they want to have them, and if they have an understanding, supportive and proficient accomplice. A real man always thinks to satisfy the pleasure of his woman. It can help you (with this difficult job) to use particular object like vibrator and dildo.
I am stunned that there is not any mention that the best way for an elderly woman to have an orgasm is for her partner to give her oral sex on her clitoris!
That’s the truth. It may not feel natural at first, but a patient couple can practice til they are comfortable and find their rhythm . There is a great book called “She Comes First.” Oral sex is a learnable skill.
We are all thinking it :-) Thank you for saying so
My girlfriend (at 59) I am 60, is great, even when mine will not get hard she makes me feel so good (esp. with her mouth) I truly love her! now she got me some OTC sex aids and I feel like a teenager again (green coffee extract and testosterone types) and she makes it an adventure! Thanks for your article.
David. Yes
Excellent answer to Taking Too Long. A trip through great, beautiful countryside via train on the way to a marvelous destination is preferable to an “airbus” that flies directly to an airport at the destination. It so only if you put your goal orientation aside and pay attention to all the marvelous ways you can pleasure each other as you move toward the orgasm. In fact, making the orgasm your goal often derails the trip. It takes the focus away from experiencing the feelings both physical and emotional.
For me its the journey. Not the destination
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