Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Nothing is out of bounds! To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org.
A member writes:
I’m a widower, age 71, and I’ve been dating a woman my age for two months. We met on a dating site, and we have had some wonderful, enjoyable dates. We both lost our spouses and feel really comfortable with each other. I had been widowed for 15 months when I met her – the first woman I dated after my wife’s death. She had been a widow for 22 years, dating sporadically. We have been exclusive since we met. We live 60 miles apart and get together about twice a week for dates. We talk on the phone every night.
My problem is that I am not sure I want to remarry after losing my wife of 44 years. I would like more intimacy in this relationship, but I’m unsure how to advance that. We have not been sexual, only hugging and kissing. We are planning an overnight getaway, so we’ll see if we take it to the next level.
We have not discussed the future and I have no idea yet if she wants to remarry. I am not sure myself. We seem to enjoy each other’s company and I would like to be more intimate. I just don’t want to get so close and end up hurting her. I enjoy spending time with her and we tell each other how much we miss seeing each other when we’re apart.
Am I misleading my friend with my indecision on marriage? I have not discussed this with her. Help please!
-Dating Yes, Marriage No
Joan responds:
I know how hard it is to start dating after losing your spouse. How lucky you were that the first person you dated turned out to be such a strong connection! Put your mind at ease: of course you’re not ready to think about marriage.
You were with one woman for 44 years – that’s a long time. You’ve only been dating this new person for two months – way too soon to be thinking about a lifetime commitment. You’re in the initial getting-to-know-you stage, spiced by the attraction, excitement and affection of a new relationship. Enjoy that giddy phase fully!
I appreciate how honorable you are in not wanting to mislead your friend. But you do need to open up the conversation, not just hope that the overnight getaway will resolve the issue. You don’t know what she’s thinking, and she doesn’t know what you’re thinking. How about a conversation opener like this: “I’m very attracted to you and I enjoy our times together. I miss sexual intimacy. Is that something you could see for us in our future?”
She may close you down with something like, “I don’t want sex outside of marriage,” or “I’m more comfortable with a Platonic relationship,” or “I’m sorry, I don’t feel that way about you.” Whatever she tells you, at least you know.
But suppose the answer is yes! I hear from many women who don’t know how to push a new relationship to the next level when the man isn’t making a move. (I know, the idea that the man has to make the move is outdated, but many of us were brought up to think this way, and it persists.) Even if you get a “yes,” the conversation isn’t done yet. Follow up with, “Would you be willing to share your feelings about this?” Talk about going slowly, not an all-or-nothing approach to sex. Even if she’s interested, you don’t need to go from kissing to intercourse in one date. Discuss safer sex, and be prepared with condoms and lubricant so you’ll have them when it’s time. (See my free webinar, “Safer Sex for Seniors.”)
Yes, talk about your misgivings about marrying again. I think you’ll feel better if you tell her something like, “Do you think you’ll ever want to remarry? I’m not sure I ever will.” At least it’s out in the open, and you know you’re not misleading her. And maybe it’s not even a problem. Many widowed people have no desire to marry again, and you may discover she feels the same way you do. After all, she’s been on her own for 22 years, so she may be quite happy that way.
To summarize, make this your checklist:
-
Accept this initial dating stage as a joyful way to get to know this new person.
-
Avoid setting goals for what the relationship needs to be now or in the future, as long as it’s making both of you happy.
-
Have frank and sensitive conversations about your emotions and hers.
-
Bring up sex and intimacy in a respectful way that allows her to say no if she isn’t interested or isn’t ready.
-
If you do get sexual, take it a step at a time and check in with each other often.
-
Get used to using your words. The scariest conversation is the one you don’t have.
Readers: Have you been in a situation like this? What did you say or ask to get the conversation going?
Send Joan your questions by emailing sexpert@seniorplanet.org. All information is confidential. Joan can only answer questions that are chosen for publication.
Joan Price is the author of several books including “The Ultimate Guide to Sex After 50” and the award-winning self-help book “Naked at Our Age.” Visit Joan’s blog, “Naked at Our Age” and her Facebook page. For senior sex news, tips, event and webinar announcements, and special offers, join Joan’s mailing list. View Joan’s new free webinar, “Safer Sex for Seniors.”
COMMENTS
2 responses to “Ask Joan: Dating? Yes! Marriage…?”
My friend met a man couple of years ago while out walking. His wife had past away and they slowing enjoyed walking trips on weekends together. She was divorced after many years of marriage. He was very upfront in saying “not interested in marriage” and in return she informed him of the same so both continued to enjoy one another’s company. They have a nice relationship but live in their own homes however do go away together.
My husband passed away three years ago. I would like to meet a man and share nice time together but also am not interested in marriage.
This is quite similar to my situation. I lost my spouse after 30 years together, met a widow on a dating site, and we have developed a very close, positive relationship. Unlike your case we became sexual quite early on, and continue to enjoy that wonderful aspect of being human along with sharing many other nonsexual activities. Neither of us wishes to remarry or cohabit so we have agreed to a consensual nonmonogamous (CNM) relationship that works very well in our case. I would encourage Dating Yes, Marriage No to at least investigate CNM with his partner as a possible “remedy” to his conundrum. An excellent explanation of its pros and cons is Tristan Taormino’s, OPENING UP.
Sign Up for Newsletters
There’s always a lot going on in the Senior Planet universe. Get our newsletters to make sure you never miss a thing!
Sign Up Now
Join Senior Planet Community
Senior Planet Community is our social media platform designed specifically for older adult users. Engage in thought-provoking discussions, make new friends, and share resources all on a safe and ad-free platform.
Join the Conversation Today
Upcoming Online Classes
Calendar of Events
S Sun
M Mon
T Tue
W Wed
T Thu
F Fri
S Sat
0 events,
13 events,
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Mobile Health Apps
Mobile Health Apps
This lecture introduces common health apps, like the iPhone's built-in app and the Google Fit app.
Fit Fusion Workout
Fit Fusion Workout
Get your heart pumping during this fun, high-energy workout!
Intro to Managing Your Privacy
Intro to Managing Your Privacy
Concerned about privacy? Unsure about accepting cookies? Come learn about some essential privacy tips!
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Join this discussion group to connect with Senior Planet participants from all over the country!
14 events,
31
Stronger Bones
Stronger Bones
Activate the joints and muscles and increase mental focus during this exercise class.
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Smartphones at a Glance
Smartphones at a Glance
In this lecture you’ll learn about popular smartphones on the market and some of their pros and cons.
Job Searching in the Digital Age
Job Searching in the Digital Age
This lecture will provide an overview of how to use social media in your job search, demonstrate digital job searching tools like LinkedIn, and offer tips and advice to job seekers.
Chair Yoga
Chair Yoga
Follow various cues to develop body alignment and breath awareness.
13 events,
1
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Discover Live: Assisi, Italy
Discover Live: Assisi, Italy
Join Senior Planet and our tour guides from Discover Live for a virtual visit to Assisi, Italy!
Fit Fusion Workout
Fit Fusion Workout
Get your heart pumping during this fun, high-energy workout!
語音助理
語音助理
快來了解 Alexa、Siri 和其他語音助理可以為您做什麼!
Crowdfunding for a Cause
Crowdfunding for a Cause
This lecture will give an overview of donation-based crowdfunding and explore two popular platforms used by individuals and nonprofits to raise money: GoFundMe and Facebook Fundraisers.
16 events,
2
Balance/Strength
Balance/Strength
Activate the joints and muscles to become limber and increase balance during this exercise class.
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Mindfulness Apps
Mindfulness Apps
This lecture introduces mindfulness and its physical and mental benefits, such as reducing anxiety, improving memory, and lowering blood pressure.
Chair Yoga
Chair Yoga
Follow various cues to develop body alignment and breath awareness.
Mandarin Multilingual Technology Program: 「管理個人隱私簡介」開放問答室 (Intro to Managing Your Privacy Open Lab)
Mandarin Multilingual Technology Program: 「管理個人隱私簡介」開放問答室 (Intro to Managing Your Privacy Open Lab)
這堂開放討論活動適於解答您聆聽過關於「管理個人隱私簡介」 講座中的疑惑。
8 events,
3
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Online Tools for Contacting Your Lawmakers
Online Tools for Contacting Your Lawmakers
Learn how online tools can help you stay informed and get your voice heard.
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Relax your mind and strengthen your body with this gentle exercise class.
Smartphone Photography
Smartphone Photography
Come to this lecture to explore your smartphone's camera and some features like recording video, adding filters to pictures, and using your camera's timer!
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Join this Aging Discussion Group to have open conversations about aging.
0 events,
4
0 events,
5
12 events,
6
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Telemedicine
Telemedicine
This lecture provides an overview of telemedicine options and focuses on exploring virtual medical appointments with your doctor in real-time.
Fit Fusion Workout
Fit Fusion Workout
Get your heart pumping during this fun, high-energy workout!
Intro to Translation Tools
Intro to Translation Tools
This lecture will introduce digital translation tools and apps, such as Google Translate.
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Join this discussion group to connect with Senior Planet participants from all over the country!
15 events,
7
Stronger Bones
Stronger Bones
Activate the joints and muscles and increase mental focus during this exercise class.
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
All Things Zoom
All Things Zoom
This lecture will go over how to use Zoom to chat with friends & family, and take virtual classes with Senior Planet!
Chair Yoga
Chair Yoga
Follow various cues to develop body alignment and breath awareness.
Introduction to TikTok
Introduction to TikTok
This presentation will introduce you to TikTok, its rise to global popularity, and most common features, including privacy settings.
12 events,
8
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Introduction to Hosting on Zoom
Introduction to Hosting on Zoom
In this introductory lecture, we'll go over what you need to start your first meeting, as well as some hosting tips to make it a success.
Cancelled – Fit Fusion Workout
Cancelled – Fit Fusion Workout
Get your heart pumping during this fun, high-energy workout!
YouTube
YouTube
歡迎您來學習如何使用 YouTube。
iPhones
iPhones
In this lecture you’ll learn about the latest iPhone, its features and what to consider if you’re thinking of buying one.
16 events,
9
Balance/Strength
Balance/Strength
Activate the joints and muscles to become limber and increase balance during this exercise class.
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
How to Choose a New Computer
How to Choose a New Computer
This informational session addresses some of the most common questions surrounding how to choose a new computer.
Mandarin Multilingual Technology Program: 虛擬博物館導覽 (Virtual Museum Tours)
Mandarin Multilingual Technology Program: 虛擬博物館導覽 (Virtual Museum Tours)
在家中舒適地參觀世界著名的博物館!
Chair Yoga
Chair Yoga
Follow various cues to develop body alignment and breath awareness.
8 events,
10
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Digital Scrapbooking Tools
Digital Scrapbooking Tools
Say goodbye to paper cuts! Come learn about digital scrapbooking tools.
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Relax your mind and strengthen your body with this gentle exercise class.
Social Media for Job Searches
Social Media for Job Searches
In this lecture, we’ll discuss ways to make sure social media helps you when you’re looking for work!
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Join this Aging Discussion Group to have open conversations about aging.
0 events,
11
0 events,
12
11 events,
13
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Fit Fusion Workout
Fit Fusion Workout
Get your heart pumping during this fun, high-energy workout!
Smartphones at a Glance
Smartphones at a Glance
How smart are they? We'll tell you all about smartphones.
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Join this discussion group to connect with Senior Planet participants from all over the country!
Easy-to-Follow Tai Chi
Easy-to-Follow Tai Chi
Move, breathe and flow during this gentle, slow, flowing form of exercise
16 events,
14
Stronger Bones
Stronger Bones
Activate the joints and muscles and increase mental focus during this exercise class.
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
MyChart
MyChart
Learn how MyChart can help you keep all your health information in one place, communicate with your providers, and have a virtual visit.
Introduction to Social Media
Introduction to Social Media
Learn about some of the more popular social media sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and LinkedIn.
Chair Yoga
Chair Yoga
Follow various cues to develop body alignment and breath awareness.
12 events,
15
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Fit Fusion Workout
Fit Fusion Workout
Get your heart pumping during this fun, high-energy workout!
A.I. 人工智能簡介
A.I. 人工智能簡介
快來和 ChatGPT 聊天,了解 A.I.!
Ride Sharing Apps
Ride Sharing Apps
This presentation will explore ride sharing apps, which are also known as e-hailing apps.
Wellness Wednesday: Body Weight Workouts for Building Strength
Wellness Wednesday: Body Weight Workouts for Building Strength
Join 2023 Senior Planet Sponsored Athlete Della Adams to learn about building strength with body weight workouts!
16 events,
16
Balance/Strength
Balance/Strength
Activate the joints and muscles to become limber and increase balance during this exercise class.
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Intro to Managing Your Privacy
Intro to Managing Your Privacy
Concerned about privacy? Unsure about accepting cookies? Come learn about some essential privacy tips!
Mandarin Multilingual Technology Program: 「虛擬博物館導覽」 開放問答室 (Virtual Museum Tours Open Lab)
Mandarin Multilingual Technology Program: 「虛擬博物館導覽」 開放問答室 (Virtual Museum Tours Open Lab)
這堂開放討論活動適於解答您聆聽過關於 「虛擬博物館導覽」講座中的疑惑。
Introduction to Booking Vacation Stays Online
Introduction to Booking Vacation Stays Online
Need a vacation? Learn about popular websites and apps for booking vacation rentals.
8 events,
17
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Online Tools for Contacting Your Lawmakers
Online Tools for Contacting Your Lawmakers
Learn how online tools can help you stay informed and get your voice heard.
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Relax your mind and strengthen your body with this gentle exercise class.
Internet of Things: Entertainment
Internet of Things: Entertainment
This lecture will explore the many ways we interact with IoT on a day-to-day basis and take a look at how it’s revolutionizing entire industries.
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Join this Aging Discussion Group to have open conversations about aging.
0 events,
18
0 events,
19
12 events,
20
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Discover Live: Veterans Tour in Washington, DC
Discover Live: Veterans Tour in Washington, DC
Join Senior Planet and our tour guides from Discover Live for a virtual Veterans Tour in Washington, DC!
Fit Fusion Workout
Fit Fusion Workout
Get your heart pumping during this fun, high-energy workout!
All Things Zoom
All Things Zoom
This lecture will go over how to use Zoom to chat with friends & family, and take virtual classes with Senior Planet!
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Join this discussion group to connect with Senior Planet participants from all over the country!
16 events,
21
Stronger Bones
Stronger Bones
Activate the joints and muscles and increase mental focus during this exercise class.
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Affordable Home Internet
Affordable Home Internet
This lecture goes over basic information you need to know when signing up for home internet service.
Virtual Activism Against Racism and Police Brutality
Virtual Activism Against Racism and Police Brutality
Learn about tools to help you be a part of the movement and support racial justice!
Chair Yoga
Chair Yoga
Follow various cues to develop body alignment and breath awareness.
12 events,
22
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Tips for Being News Savvy Online
Tips for Being News Savvy Online
Sharing the news? Learn to read and check sources before sharing!
行動健康應用程式
行動健康應用程式
來聽聽看市面上一些受歡迎的健康應用程式的簡介。
Fit Fusion Workout
Fit Fusion Workout
Get your heart pumping during this fun, high-energy workout!
Online Rx Drug Resources
Online Rx Drug Resources
Learn helpful tools for understanding drug costs, comparing pharmacy prices, and finding discounts and coupons.
0 events,
23
0 events,
24
0 events,
25
0 events,
26
13 events,
27
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Cloud Storage
Cloud Storage
Learn the basics of cloud storage — a technology that lets you store documents, images, and other media files remotely.
Fit Fusion Workout
Fit Fusion Workout
Get your heart pumping during this fun, high-energy workout!
Mobile Health Apps
Mobile Health Apps
This lecture introduces common health apps, like the iPhone's built-in app and the Google Fit app.
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Join this discussion group to connect with Senior Planet participants from all over the country!
16 events,
28
Stronger Bones
Stronger Bones
Activate the joints and muscles and increase mental focus during this exercise class.
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Gardening Tech At a Glance
Gardening Tech At a Glance
Can tech give you a green thumb? Come to this lecture to find out!
Chair Yoga
Chair Yoga
Follow various cues to develop body alignment and breath awareness.
MyChart
MyChart
Learn how MyChart can help you keep all your health information in one place, communicate with your providers, and have a virtual visit.
12 events,
29
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Discover Live: Holiday Tour in Paris, France
Discover Live: Holiday Tour in Paris, France
Join Senior Planet and our tour guides from Discover Live for a special holiday tour in Paris, France!
虛擬博物館導覽
虛擬博物館導覽
在家中舒適地參觀世界著名的博物館!
Fit Fusion Workout
Fit Fusion Workout
Get your heart pumping during this fun, high-energy workout!
Messaging Apps
Messaging Apps
This lecture will go over the features of three widely-used apps: iMessages, Hangouts, and WhatsApp.
16 events,
30
Balance/Strength
Balance/Strength
Activate the joints and muscles to become limber and increase balance during this exercise class.
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Smartphone Camera Uses Beyond Photography
Smartphone Camera Uses Beyond Photography
Come learn about QR codes, augmented reality apps, and more!
Money Matters
Money Matters
This lecture introduces online banking and goes over how to keep your financial information safe.
Chair Yoga
Chair Yoga
Follow various cues to develop body alignment and breath awareness.
9 events,
1
Morning Stretch
Morning Stretch
Start your day with a short morning stretch!
Introduction to Estate Planning Resources & Tools
Introduction to Estate Planning Resources & Tools
A simple plan is better than no plan! Get to know a few free and low-cost resources that make it simple to plan your estate.
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Relax your mind and strengthen your body with this gentle exercise class.
Internet of Things: Healthcare
Internet of Things: Healthcare
Come learn how the medical industry is embracing the Internet of Things (IoT) technology to treat patients remotely.
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Join this Aging Discussion Group to have open conversations about aging.
0 events,
2
Morning Stretch
Mobile Health Apps
Fit Fusion Workout
Intro to Managing Your Privacy
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Stronger Bones
Morning Stretch
Smartphones at a Glance
Job Searching in the Digital Age
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Discover Live: Assisi, Italy
Fit Fusion Workout
語音助理
Crowdfunding for a Cause
Balance/Strength
Morning Stretch
Mindfulness Apps
Chair Yoga
Mandarin Multilingual Technology Program: 「管理個人隱私簡介」開放問答室 (Intro to Managing Your Privacy Open Lab)
Morning Stretch
Online Tools for Contacting Your Lawmakers
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Smartphone Photography
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Morning Stretch
Telemedicine
Fit Fusion Workout
Intro to Translation Tools
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Stronger Bones
Morning Stretch
All Things Zoom
Chair Yoga
Introduction to TikTok
Morning Stretch
Introduction to Hosting on Zoom
Cancelled – Fit Fusion Workout
YouTube
iPhones
Balance/Strength
Morning Stretch
How to Choose a New Computer
Mandarin Multilingual Technology Program: 虛擬博物館導覽 (Virtual Museum Tours)
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Digital Scrapbooking Tools
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Social Media for Job Searches
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Morning Stretch
Fit Fusion Workout
Smartphones at a Glance
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Easy-to-Follow Tai Chi
Stronger Bones
Morning Stretch
MyChart
Introduction to Social Media
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Fit Fusion Workout
A.I. 人工智能簡介
Ride Sharing Apps
Wellness Wednesday: Body Weight Workouts for Building Strength
Balance/Strength
Morning Stretch
Intro to Managing Your Privacy
Mandarin Multilingual Technology Program: 「虛擬博物館導覽」 開放問答室 (Virtual Museum Tours Open Lab)
Introduction to Booking Vacation Stays Online
Morning Stretch
Online Tools for Contacting Your Lawmakers
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Internet of Things: Entertainment
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Morning Stretch
Discover Live: Veterans Tour in Washington, DC
Fit Fusion Workout
All Things Zoom
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Stronger Bones
Morning Stretch
Affordable Home Internet
Virtual Activism Against Racism and Police Brutality
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Tips for Being News Savvy Online
行動健康應用程式
Fit Fusion Workout
Online Rx Drug Resources
Morning Stretch
Cloud Storage
Fit Fusion Workout
Mobile Health Apps
Open Discussion – Lunch & Learn
Stronger Bones
Morning Stretch
Gardening Tech At a Glance
Chair Yoga
MyChart
Morning Stretch
Discover Live: Holiday Tour in Paris, France
虛擬博物館導覽
Fit Fusion Workout
Messaging Apps
Balance/Strength
Morning Stretch
Smartphone Camera Uses Beyond Photography
Money Matters
Chair Yoga
Morning Stretch
Introduction to Estate Planning Resources & Tools
Taijiquan (Tai Chi)
Internet of Things: Healthcare
Aging Discussion Group – Lunch & Learn
Recent Articles
Recent Comments