Senior Planet talks to…Sally Wainwright

If many women imagine their lives are over after hitting menopause then, for award-winning British TV writer Sally Wainwright, it provided a burst of sparkling inspiration.

With a gusto spirit of “the best is yet to come”, her rebellious music-fueled series Riot Women explores the untapped creativity of women no longer shackled by marriage, child-rearing or 9-to-5 jobs.   After raising two sons and separating from her husband, Sally, 62, leaned into her female friendships and learned to play the drums  – writing a hit TV show in the process.

Today she tells SENIOR PLANET why we should all refuse to grow old:

Q: After writing hit Brit TV series Happy Valley and Last Tango in Halifax, what sparked the idea for a show about five menopausal women who form a punk band?

SALLY: I began thinking about it about ten years ago. I wanted to write about a female rock band, but I also wanted to write about what I was going through at the same time as a 50-something woman. I was juggling several different shows at once and then my mum started to go downhill with dementia so I was balancing that with domestic life with my husband and two teenage boys. So I really wanted to write about how low women can get when they’re having to juggle all these things and deal with everybody else’s crap and, in the middle of that, feeling that they themselves are disappearing down a black hole. At the same time, I wanted to celebrate women of that age and show what we’re capable of.

Q: So it’s semi-biographical?

SALLY: Yes, in a way. At that time I was starting to have menopausal symptoms like brain fog, depression and anxiety. I didn’t want to write specifically about menopause – but more about the kind of things that come to get you, as a woman, when you’re in your 50s and 60s.

Q: How was that for you personally?

SALLY: Well part of it was starting to feel that you’re balancing all this stuff. You’re trying to be everything to everybody around you and, in the middle of that, you’re kind of disappearing, and nobody’s looking out for you anymore. That’s how it felt for me.

Q: So how did you turn that experience into your new show, Riot Women?

SALLY: I wanted to find a way of writing about my experience – but in a way that wasn’t about complaining or moaning or how people think of as women in middle age. I wanted to find an uplifting story that would engage people.

Here’s a sneak peek at Riot Women

Q: And you were also struggling with your own marital problems at the same time?

SALLY: Yes, my marriage was starting to be a bit rocky at that point, and I realized that the people you turn to are your female friends. And when my mum was struggling with dementia and not knowing who to go to to get help with that or who to talk to, again, it was my female friends who came to the rescue. So I really wanted to celebrate that community amongst women at that age.

Q: Did your marriage survive?

SALLY: No, we’re divorced. Actually, we’ve not divorced yet! – but we split up. We were married for 29 years so I like to think it was a good marriage, and we’re still friends. But we decided it was best to part company.

Q: This isn’t the first time you’ve drawn on your own life – your hit TV series Last Tango in Halifax was based on how your own mother found love again in her 70s with her childhood sweetheart?

SALLY: Yes, the series was completely based on her experience. She met a guy on-line who she’d been at school with when she was 16. They’d actually known each other since they were three, but hadn’t seen each other for 60 years, and then they got back in touch on Friends Reunited and fell in love and got married.

Q: That’s such an inspiring story.

SALLY: Yes, they were 75 when they got married in 2005. My dad died in 2001 and, of course, she was really sad. My mum was very funny and clever but she suffered from depression and anxiety but, when she met Alec, she completely changed. They genuinely fell in love with each other. It was really beautiful. They were worried it was silly. When she told me they were going to get married, she thought we’d all laugh. And it was like: Nothing could be further from the truth. They were just so clearly happy together. Sadly my mum died in 2022.

Q: And how do you feel Riot Women is equally inspiring for older women?

SALLY: I think the big message of Riot Women is that, for me, they don’t seem that old. Kitty, the lead singer in their band, is 44 but the other women are in their 50s and 60s. But the great thing is that they have so much life in them. They get together to raise money for charity by forming a silly punk rock band, and then they get this other idea that they’ve going to write about the stuff that informs them as older women – the things they’re angry about.

Q: And while you were writing, you received some discouraging feedback?

SALLY: Yes, I talked to someone early on in the process, and he said: Oh, you can’t have a middle-aged punk band. Punk is about youth and anger. And I thought: Well, what’s more angry than menopausal women? So it seemed really appropriate.

But I think one of the nice things about the show is that it starts with two very different women, each in a very dark place. But then they meet each other, and they develop this unlikely friendship. And they bring out this extraordinary creativity in each other and start writing songs about their lives and experiences. For me, the big message of the show is how creativity is a key to that relationship, and the fact that they can form a punk band, at their age, and it gives them so much validation, and so much to live for and be excited about. It’s almost like having a second youth, because everybody fantasizes about being in rock band when they’re younger, don’t they? But to actually achieve it in your 50s or 60s? So it’s a celebration of women at this age.

Q: Other than starting a punk rock band – what advice do you have for seniors who also might feel like they’re stuck in a rut?

SALLY: Well, one of the things I did in prep for the show was I learned to play the drums because I wanted to know if it was realistic for my story to work; that people could actually learn to play instruments in a short period of time – well enough to actually play in a band. I’ve wanted to play the drums since I was a kid, and I just never got around to doing it. So I started off by getting some chopsticks and upturned saucepans and hitting them. And then it occurred to me that, at the age of 58 which I was then, I could actually afford to buy some now!

I think that’s the great thing about being our age, that you can actually afford to do all the things you planned to do when you were younger that you couldn’t afford to do back then. So I bought a really good drum and some real drumsticks. When you get to our age, I think one of the great things is that you can actually afford to indulge. And travel as well. You can afford to travel, not on a shoestring. And now is the time to spend the money you’ve been saving, really, isn’t it?

Q: What’s your secret to aging with attitude?

SALLY: For me, it’s working. I am a workaholic. It’s interesting – all my friendship group from university, there’s eight of us, every one of them has retired – except me. I’m sure they’re all happy and healthy but I can’t imagine stopping using the parts of my brain that only work can reach. But I think the main thing is fighting those negative emotions that we all sometimes get, like, lack of motivation and what’s the point of doing things? It’s about keeping going and finding reasons to do things that excite you – whatever that is.

NB: Riot Women premieres January 14 on BritBox.

 

Gill Pringle began her career as a rock columnist for popular British newspapers, traveling the world with Madonna, U2 and Michael Jackson. Moving to Los Angeles 27 years ago, she interviews film and TV personalities for prestigious UK outlets, The Independent, The i-paper and The Sunday Times – and, of course, Senior Planet. A member of Critics Choice Association, BAFTA and AWFJ, she wrote the screenplay for 2016 Netflix family film, The 3 Tails Movie: A Mermaid Adventure. An award-winning writer, in 2021 she was honored by the Los Angeles Press Club with 1st prize at the NAEJ Awards.

 

Photo:  Sally Wainwright photo by Chloe Paul