Open Thread Update: Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me??!!
This past Sunday, the Open Thread wondered ‘Why didn’t anyone tell me?” about some aspects of getting older that took us by surprise….and we asked our readers to share their experiences.
And how. Bette Davis was right about how difficult it is to grow older, but didn’t mention anything specific. But Senior Planet readers sure did.
“The biggest surprise about getting older: I didn’t realize how RICH it is. And it gets better, really.”
Several people agreed with me that there’s a ‘hit or miss” quality to memory, and quite a few said they spend more time and effort on fitness. “I spend more time to keep my body in shape than I ever did before” said one commenter. “And it feels great.”
“I love the skin I’m in now.”
A few people noted that as an older person, they were invisible…but seemed mostly okay with it. It was great to read how many others welcomed being at the stage when they didn’t care what other people thought; others rejoiced in not doing things to please other people all the time.
Finally for a really uplifting approach to getting older, take a look at the long comment by Linda T. and her adventures and experiences (learned to surf at 57, and longs for her hair to turn completely silver grey as a ‘power statement”).
We will keep this thread open to learn more about what surprised you about growing older – and how you handle it. What do you wish someone had warned you about? And what’s your workaround or solution? Let us know in the comments!
Virge Randall is Senior Planet’s Managing Editor. She is also a freelance culture reporter who seeks out hidden gems and unsung (or undersung) treasures for Straus Newspapers; her blog “Don’t Get Me Started” puts a quirky new spin on Old School New York City. Send your suggestions for Open Threads to her at editor@seniorplanet.org.
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Comments
This is the first time I have read your column and thought it was Wonderful and Real. I found a little of myself in the comments.
Kind Regards to All!
What I forgot to mention is that even volunteering, which I have done for decades, is off the table as is the travel, both of which so many seniors find so much joy in doing. I just know I am not the only who feels cut off not only by aging and ageism, but by covid.
At 71 I also find the growing older to be both challenging and rewarding. Having experienced profound hearing loss at the age of 33 and my old child when I was 57 I am no stranger to loss. When Covid hit the sorrow that came with it was magnified by the deaths of two childhood friends not from the virus but was unable to attend their funerals. However I did not give up my work. I was able to successfully transition to telehealth and continue to provide my patients therapy. Im very proud that I was able to make that transition despite not being a fan. I focus on what remains as I work from home. Grateful to have my little brown dog at my feet and my 78 year old husband with me. Profound loss in my life has taught me a valuable lesson. Focus on what remains.
I am surprised by all the largely positive comments about getting older. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate the lack of respect by anyone younger than 30 that I get whenever I say anything or when out and about in the shops or whatever or on public transit. I hate that my body is betraying me despite taking decent care of it all my life. I hate that my skin on my face is taking on a life of its own so much so that I barely recognize myself in the mirror. I hate that my very rich, full former career life as an international civil servant and educator with so much travel and experience – no one cares to hear about. I hate that because I do not have children, or grandchildren now, decisions I made with difficulty but I made them, my views on both are dismissed or discredited as if I have no right to an objective opinion. It is a good thing I have always been okay on my own, making career choices as I said that permitted maximum mobility, but now with retirement and Covid I am forced to be stuck here where I am. Travel always made me feel alive, travel offered the joyous side of independence and invisibility, travel offered me companionship in meeting people who were my own age and had similar life experiences. And covid has taken that away from all of us. But getting old? There is NOTHING good about it because I never cared what people thought before and that is no asset now – I always took care to live a humanely responsible life and not hurt anyone or do anything really, really stupid that would come back to haunt me. All my closest friends I met while overseas and thank God for Facebook and Zoom but it is impossible to form new, decent friendships over the age of 60 and the online thing no thanks. I am divorced now for 30 years and thank God for that but companionship with a nice man would be nice but I have yet to be blessed in that department as I cherished friendship above romance since a bad marriage but as I said all my friends are overseas because of how much time I spent working abroad. My body hurts, my skin is sagging, and no one cares to engage with small talk with old people. In the past I could make anyone laugh and I always had a smile and a hello no matter who I encountered, but now, here, it is as if I am talking but nothing is coming out because I am ignored. I am stuck at home, on my own but not alone, and it is awful. I know we are meant to find the positives, but I think a forum for some of the darker side of getting older would be welcome.
I’m with you all the way, ML West, except that I have been blessed with the genes for no wrinkles and no grey hair! I have met a few millennials and Gen Xer’s who are kind, smart, respectful and energetic — but many more the opposite. When I first retired, I took on way too much: lots of adult education courses, volunteering, gardening, cooking, etc. I soon tapered off on that! My biggest regrets: that I’m not able to be closer to my grand nieces and nephews (whose parents were left with me for entire summers); and that my body is failing me with so little energy that I can’t keep up with my house, and so many minor ailments that I often feel unwell. As an introvert, the pandemic has given me more good time to read, learn a smart phone, etc. but with a chronically ill best friend, I’m overwhelmed with ordering food and supplies, with health care, and paper work.
I am learning the value of “time”. Being almost 70 is not a reason for regret, but a time to double-down on the years that I have remaining – be they few or many. Don’t put off or postpone – just do.
The words of Seneca ring true: “…time is the one loan (from nature) that even a grateful recipient cannot repay”.