Open Thread Update: What a Dilemma!
When our Sexpert, Joan Price, tackled a sticky issue recently, she – and we – were amazed at the range of responses (read it here).
In sum, a woman broke up with her lover of several years because he refused to remove the pictures of his well-loved first wife…including a semi-nude one of her…in his bedroom.
We included a poll asking readers to vote on who they thought was in the right – the woman who objected to the pix, or the man who refused. Here are the results:
He should have taken down at least some of the bedroom photos if they bothered his lover. 38%
Joan’s right, she should have voiced her feelings and then let it drop without an ultimatum. 28%
His memories of his wife are important to him and he should be able to hang her photos. 18%
She was right to give an ultimatum after all that time they spent together and him not acting on her request. 16%
If you haven’t weighed in on this, here’s the poll:
We all have pasts (and as we age that past gets longer and longer!) The issue here seems to be how much sway we give (or allow) the past to have in our present and our future…and in the present and future of others.
Our readers had an interesting array of responses…
“He sounds like an insensitive, uncompromising person.”
-Debra B.
“In the case described above I think the new woman overreacted and thereby destroyed a budding connection.”
-Keith M.
“Seriously, they have been making love under her watchful eyes for years? – Ew’
-Michelle M.
Among the comments, Claudie H. got a number of “Amens” among the respondents…check out her thoughtful comment below, and feel free to add your own.
Virge Randall is Senior Planet’s Managing Editor. She is also a freelance culture reporter who seeks out hidden gems and unsung (or undersung) treasures for Straus Newspapers; her blog “Don’t Get Me Started” puts a quirky new spin on Old School New York City. Send your suggestions for Open Threads to her at editor@seniorplanet.org.
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Comments
Shame on her for going so far as to feel she had to issue an ultimatum. She seems to be one of the “Ill change him into what I want.” He is clinging to his late wife. If he cant let her go, the there is no room for two in a heart.
She should not have had to give him an ultimatum. They should not have been up in the first place if he was being with another woman. The first time she mentioned it, he should have apologized and took them down. None of this would have taken place if he had been a true gentleman. If a gentleman can’t give 100% of himself to a woman. He shouldn’t be with her.
I think it points to a problem in the relationship that is bigger than the photos. This guy is clearly lacking in empathy and taste, to put it mildly, and this will eventually show itself in other ways too. The pickings are pretty thin for older women, so maybe she might choose to put up with it is she wants a sexual relationship or if other aspects of it are good. Or she might decide that she would rather have no-one than someone like that. Or another thought – put a big nude pic of her husband on her bedroom wall and invite him over!
Find another bedroom!!!! One with neutrality
I understand his grief for the loss of the wife, but he should have kept her pictures some place else. The lover was right o have given him the ultimatum. He’s obviously not giving any values to her feelings. After all the wife is already gone. Grief in your heart, remove the pictures from the bedroom at least!