Open Thread Update: The Unwritten Rules of Aging
Wow! Readers all over the world opened their vaults and shared their own unwritten rules about aging – to the tune of more than 60 comments – a record!
What is most inspiring about the comments (I read them all!) is how many folks describe how they handle their varying physical capabilities with grace and cheerfulness.
Reader Jacquelyn sets the tone.
“I think mindset has everything to do with how well we age. Being around other like-minded (and often younger) people helps me see myself as more confident and I am grateful every day for the energy and drive I still have.”
And Mattie H. sets an inspiring example…
Only if they ask…I say ‘a surgical error changed my life to the slow lane but hasn’t ruined it and this (very pretty) cane is my BFF”, give a smile and ask about them. I also take zoom classes, serve on boards and write a community paper column.
Words Matter
I avoid using the word “old” at all costs. Same goes for “elderly”, “woman of a certain age”, “aged”.
-Diane
I do not use phrases as: “back in the day”, “I remember when”, “the good old days”.
-Charles J.
I don’t use the term ‘senior moment’ especially, “I’m having a senior moment”.
-Katie
Don’t give advice unless you are asked to give it.
-Susan
My unwritten rule of aging.. don’t use 1 finger typing on the smart phone – only “old” people do that.
-Cynthia
..and for the last word on avoiding talking about our aches and pains…
Long-winded comments about infirmities and other health issues are called ‘organ recitals’ here in New Zealand.
-Mick C.
All the comments are by turns touching, funny, informative, wise and inspiring…all truly about Aging with Attitude! We’ll keep the comments open and I hope more folks read and add theirs. Meanwhile, thanks for your wit and wisdom!
We’ll close with this lovely thought from Reader Joyce.
I have no unwritten rules to aging. I enjoy it all and feel blessed for my life. It just gets better and better and I’m loving it.
-Joyce
Original Column:
I went out to dinner with a bunch of friends recently. It was one of those places where the sound has no place to go so it bounces all over. Every table was full, there was (loud) music and we were near a noisy bar. I had trouble even hearing the gal sitting next to me.
I felt awkward saying “What? What?” so I finally explained my hearing loss and showed her my hearing aid and the apps that manage it. She showed polite interest, but I think I went on a bit too long in my explanation.
The Unwritten Rules of Aging
Thus was born my first Unwritten Rule of Aging:
Physical conditions get a very brief mention, if at all. If a close friend asks, or if they share first, I will discuss, but otherwise I’ll keep it short. I might explain that unless they are looking in my eyes I probably won’t hear them, and that hearing aids don’t give the equivalent of 20/20 hearing.
Why the rules?
I’ve decided that extended conversation about my infirmities plays into stereotypes or even ageism – and it’s just plain boring except to my nearest and dearest.
Your turn
But that’s me. How about you? What are your unwritten rules about aging – the ones you have or the ones you with others had? Share yours in the comments!
Virge Randall is Senior Planet’s Managing Editor. She is also a freelance culture reporter who seeks out hidden gems and unsung (or undersung) treasures for Straus Newspapers; her blog “Don’t Get Me Started” puts a quirky new spin on Old School New York City. Send Open Thread suggestions to editor@seniorplanet.org.
Photo: vorDa via Getty Images
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Comments
I love the comments I’ve read here and it’s hard to think of something original to add. But my two top rules of aging are: sunscreen and dental floss. Essential and totally within our control. They’ll pay huge dividends on whatever we spend on them. Cosmetic companies touting $500 face creams, but none of them will give you the ROI (return on investment) that you’ll get from a drug-store sunscreen and dental floss.
My wife told me that I need hearing aids.
Well, I think that’s what she said!
Too many times, aging implies a negative or dour image such as “woe is me”. I think of aging as having had all kinds of opportunities – been there, did that, I understand. A challenge: Every day, you get the opportunity to see strangers, look them in the eye and give them a sincere, friendly smile. All of them. You will never know, but that smile might have been the best thing that happened to that person that day – and it made their day. But it also made yours!
A hip replacement gone wrong changed me from an active 76 year old to a now 79 year old using a cane. I warn those I haven’t seen before this happened so they aren’t shocked when they see me. Only if they ask about it I say ‘a surgical error changed my life to the slow lane but hasn’t ruined it and this (very pretty) cane is my BFF”, give a smile and ask about them. I also take zoom classes, serve on boards and write a community paper column. No more travel but love staying home.
Good for you Mattie. We can travel in our mind, to beautiful places that we may not have explored e.g. the spiritual (non religious) parts of our being. Also enjoy our home and all that nature offers, everywhere. Good luck in your ‘new’ travels
Thank you. I recently developed painful arthritis in one knee and need a cane. I love to take long, brisk walks and can no longer walk to the corner. I’ve talked about it to everyone. Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m going to cut back on talking about it.
My unwritten rule of aging.. don’t use 1 finger typing on the smart phone – only “old” people do that.
Hiw can I learn to type on phone the way you suggest?
I have such a hard time writing emails or texting on my phone. I have small hands and cant seem to press hard enough or be accurate. When I discovered I could type faster with fewer mistakes by only using my right middle finger, I was happy and have no regrets!