Open Thread Update: Being “That Lady” or ‘That Guy”
Last time we talked about being “that guy” or “that lady” – the one who took action against ageism by speaking up…in a variety of circumstances and ways. Apparently Senior Planet readers are some pretty tough cookies!
I was behind a young woman at TX Maxx in line. Suddenly 4 friend jumped in line with her, all with their own stuff, rather than getting in line behind me. Inside I fumed “how rude.” Then I decided to speak and act. I went around them, in front, and said “since you don’t think it’s improper to jump in line in front of me, I’ll follow suit and jump in front of you.” They failed to understand that logic, but stayed put. But when they left, they said sarcastically “have a nice day.”
-Gidget
Fight the Power
Several Readers mentioned their consistent, persistent approach to getting their propers, from Linda (“It took over a year of emails, phone calls and much patience…I became adept at consumer advocacy”) to Toni Z who wouldn’t leave the principals office till she got what she needed.
The Invisibility Problem
I’m met with downright rudeness by young people who think I don’t move out of their way fast enough. I’m taking up THEIR space, and in THEIR way. I’ve tried to take the high rode, but I’m losing my niceness. I’m on the verge of becoming not only “that lady” but “that cranky old lady.”
The Last Word
Inconsiderateness is everywhere.Some are unaware, some dont care, some don’t agree. We must be able to quickly and effectively change things. We need to complain or speak up and seek action in response which gets harder and harder as we age it seems. (We are ignored too much.) Its a hard thing to do. We need to practice. Aim for clear and firm and somewhere between persistent and unrelenting. I was once called aggressively enthusiastic! I was told that means a pushy bi*ch. Oh well!
Whatever works, right folks!
ORIGINAL COLUMN:
I don’t know why, but somehow for some people, older people are invisible. For New Year’s, I’ve decided to learn to be much more assertive – to be “that lady” – because if I don’t:
-The delivery people don’t bring my packages up to my floor like they are supposed to – if at all.
-The next door neighbor continues to leave her trash in the hallway which is right by my front door, even after I’ve asked nicely several times.
-I’m given the crappy table in the restaurant, near the wait staff stand and the bathrooms.
-I’m the last to be waited on in stores.
-A seat on the subway or bus? It’s 50/50 (but more often it’s young women who give up the seat!)
Somehow the social conventions that keep society running smoothly aren’t evenly applied to older people, and I have to step in the breach.
And I hate it.
Delivery? What delivery?
I hate having to nag and pester people to deliver the big breakfast food package from the city on the date when the administrators tell me it’s scheduled to arrive. I must stay at home to accept delivery; I can’t go out at all and must stay close to the door to hear them buzz (I’m deaf).
And I live on the top floor of a walk-up. (If I had the dough, I’d be in an elevator building and wouldn’t need the box!)
So more often than not, lately, the delivery guys will skip my delivery and pawn it off to be done by someone else on another day I haven’t planned for, or say I didn’t accept delivery because I was “on vacation.”
Trash Trouble
And as for the next door neighbor, I stopped being nice and took pictures of the trash and sent them to my super. It still didn’t work. When it happened again, I sent pictures and a complaint listing all the dates the trash was left to my property manager. I noted that it defeats the purpose of paying an exterminator when someone keeps leaving garbage in the hallway. I hated being a snitch…but the problem has been solved.
Who’s “That Lady?”
Although the monthly package delivery is still an issue, I’ve decided to put it on hiatus until they get their act together. I decided to put on the brakes because I was starting to not care that I’m that lady — and losing patience is not the way to get cooperation from anybody.
Your Turn
Those are only a few examples, but I’m sure there are more. So have at it. When did you have to be “that lady” or “that guy?” How did you solve it? Let us know in the comments!
Virge Randall is Senior Planet’s Managing Editor. She is also a freelance culture reporter who seeks out hidden gems and unsung (or undersung) treasures for Straus Newspapers; she writes frequently on Old School New York City and performs at open mic readings throughout New York City. Send Open Thread suggestions to editor@seniorplanet.org.
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Comments
BE THAT LADY!! Stand up. Speak up. Teach people how to treat you. There’s no longer any excuse for women to choose meekness .
Hi. I seem to get the polite service, I make myself seen: Grocery, coffee shop, buying me new running clothes because I want them! They look cool even for tv watching even I can’t walk much, it’s just fun. I think I smile a lot, even let folks at a store I appreciate them taking the time out of their busy day. I mean it. Even on the street, I like to smile, even slyly make a joke out loud. I honestly tell the person in a line, go ahead, it’s ok. Totally surprise them! Nailed it, I win!
In my last year of teaching, I was assigned a position I despised. Not only did I not want it, I wasn’t asked, I was just told shortly before the school year began. When the school year began, I had no classroom, no desk, and I was on the list for a laptop with the aides rather than the teachers, which meant I had to wait to receive my much needed technology to perform my job. I walked into the principals office and didn’t leave until she saw to it I received all of the above!
That sounds so familiar as a way to get someone to resign. I know because I worked in HR and it’s one of the not-so-nice tactics we had to use to get people to quit so we didn’t have to terminate them and pay benefits or possibly get involved in a legal suit. I hope that wasn’t the case with you, but just someone’s bad judgment,
I was behind a young woman at TX Maxx in line. Suddenly 4 friend jumped in line with her, all with their own stuff, rather than getting in line behind me. Inside I fumed “how rude.” Then I decided to speak and act. I went around them, in front, and said “since you don’t think it’s improper to jump in line in front of me, I’ll follow suit and jump in front of you.” They failed to understand that logic, but stayed put. But when they left, they said sarcastically “have a nice day.”
Young people in my building look right through me. I initiate “hello”. If I see them again, I’ll say hello. If they don’t reciprocate, I’m done. My biggest problem is my mobility. I have no doorman but do have an elevator and a useless super. Shipping labels on my packages indicate “disabled, please to my door” but they do not. And no one else brings them up. It is what it is!
That happens to me. I always make it a point to say “hello” when I walk past someone. If they don’t respond I say loudly, “I’m sorry I spoke.”