Meet and Make Friends Online
The online world can be a wonderful place to meet people….but many find it a frustrating place where people brag about hundreds of “friends” they’ve never met. Connectivity online may not mean connections online.
Forming true connections
First, find people who share your interests on an online platform. This can be cooking, knitting, owning a Bichon Frise dog, your city, your neighborhood or where you grew up, books, history, the outdoors, a sports team, dining out or a support group (for caregivers, health problems etc.). You name it, there’s a group for it.
On good place to start is Senior Planet Community.
Senior Planet Community is exclusive to people 55+. No matter your interest, there’s a community group for you – groups dedicated to Travel, Photography, Fitness, Creativity, Gardening, or Pets; discussion groups like the Book Club, Decluttering Tips, and Everything Technology – and so much more!
Visit our platform every day for engagement, inspiration, fun, and sharing – information, experiences, photos, expertise, and more.
Click here to create an account and join the conversation today – also, remember to invite your friends.
Other Options
On Facebook click “groups” on the left, then type in a keyword. Most groups are public (anyone can join and read posts), but some are private (you need to be approved before reading or posting, by answering some questions). Meetup offers interest groups who meet in real life (at least, before COVID; some resumed on Zoom or with social distancing), and you can pick the distance from your location (two-100 miles, or anywhere). For 50+ folks only, Stitch offers interest groups who meet virtually as well as discussion forums.
One woman’s experience
Jessica Levant (at left), an artist who is 60+, favors Meetup. First, she joined a local group of walkers in San Francisco. “I made a few real connections, and some ties remain friends after meeting almost 20 years ago,” she says. Then, she joined a social group in her age range who wanted to ‘do stuff’ together. “After many interesting performances, newly-discovered eateries and day trips, some people became familiar, and one of my closest friends now came from that group years ago.” Levant adds. She later joined Meetups for artists, jazz, and photography lovers.
“The artists’ group, where we present and discuss our own art and get valuable (or arguable!) feedback, is a tight group and the only Meetup I continued during lockdown. We used to meet in a gallery. But it turns out we can function quite nicely without the wine and cheese!”
A Facebook group for travel, food and wine writers nationwide was how Penny Sadler, 61, a makeup artist in Dallas, met a Los Angeles woman she now visits at least one a year.
Don’t rush it!
But making a real friend takes time. In real life, it takes an average of 50 hours of time together to turn an acquaintance into a casual friend, about 80-100 hours to transition to a real friend, then about 200 hours to deepen to a close friend, found a study by Jeffrey Hall, associate professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas, who studies social media and relationships. So the best way to make friends online is to mimic the optimal conditions in real life, like routineness, motivation and reciprocity (feeling you are heard and understood when you reveal personal things), as much as possible. In the real world, regular events at, say, 6 PM on Tuesday guarantee the same people interested in the same thing will interact on a regular basis, and such proximity and frequency often blossom into friendship.
Persistence, consistency is key
Don’t blame technology if you drop into groups sporadically, and just “lurk” when you do. “You have to do the work, and participate, not just be passive. People who don’t use the capacity of technology won’t benefit,” says Hall, author of Relating Through Technology (Cambridge University Press, 2020), a book that analyzes the good and bad things in the online world. As Woody Allen once said, 90 percent of life is showing up. Apply the advice on older adults making friends in Marla Paul’s book to online platforms. Remember, the best friend you’ve ever had you may not have met yet!
Try these tips
- Reflect first: don’t just rush online. Consider your interests, and look for communities with similar interests. Offer information that may help others.
- Think narrow and local. This increases the chances to meet group members in real life, either planned or by pure chance. For example, Hall belongs to a Facebook group dedicated to clouds in Northeast Kansas, who share photos of vivid sunrises and sunsets. If a simpatico pal lives in Kyrgyzstan, you may not see them for a long, long time.
- Participate: post messages and reply regularly. Don’t just read. In fact, that can worsen your mood, a study of passive Facebook usage found.
- Broaden your definition of a friend. What you wanted in friends years ago may not be what you want now.
- Don’t sound too needy. Don’t say you’re lonesome, even if you are. It’s a turn-off. “Research shows it’s quite common for lonely people to behave in ways that exacerbate their isolation,” says Hall.
What’s your experience been with online socializing? Do you have any other tips? Let us know in the comments! And don’t forget – you can always socialize virtually with Senior Planet’s online activities – from book clubs to exercise classes and more. Check it out here.
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Comments
Senior Planet is a safe place for seniors to go and meet friends without their information being shared, I have a great feeling that I will be getting out of my house and expanding my social circle with this site
Hello there, well my name is Lorne and I live in the province of Saskatchewan in Canada. I am 69 years old, retired and a published author who is just looking to make some friends online. I am married to my wonderful wife of 47 years and we are both just going into retirement, still with the possibility of working should we choose. Our house is up for sale as we plan to move nearer to our son and his family. I am a people person and like to talk about life!
Am here happy today and thank God am alive and well,blessing to all my friends out there
You sound like a perfect candidate for one of the interest groups in Senior Planet Community!
Hi Everyone!! I live in SW WA in the city of Vancouver, I’m divorced, no kids, 71 Years old, but don’t look my age LOL. I would like to make some new friends to go out with for lunch, take short trips maybe to the WA or OR coast, biking, and out for entertainment such as concerts, etc. near my location.
Thanks for your interest but Senior Planet can’t forward, share or post contact info between or amoong readers. Why not try joining Senior Planet Community and find an interest group?
Hi Jacob, good to hear you are looking for a friend to chat. I am Betty, 56 years and live in Nairobi, Kenya. Looking for friends to chat
Try joining Senior Planet Community. Details here.
The following tip in this article enforces the stigma of loneliness! “Don’t sound too needy. Don’t say you’re lonesome, even if you are. It’s a turn-off. “Research shows it’s quite common for lonely people to behave in ways that exacerbate their isolation,” says Hall.”
I am lonely and am openly admitting it. Being lonely is not a personal failure. I am needy. I need friends and companionship to be physically and mentally healthy. This is a fact supported by research.
My only friend is in hospital and no way to call her all my family is gone. This is the first time I have been apart from her in 3 years. I met her just before my sister who was my only family died and so now for the first time Im totally alone.
This brings the same pain as solitary confinement.
I spoke to my friend briefly since she was in hospital for bipolar and she said she would call again next day but hasnt for 2 days. I cant visit the hospital. Just looking to chat on any subject.
Hi Joy, I agree! I read that last tip and thought really? That’s why we’re on this site looking to find friends, geez… I’m in my mid60s and battling health problems, so have been at home on my own a lot recently. Let me know how you’re doing.
Patty