The Man Cave on…Talkarrhea

When I laid down on the rug and pretended to fall asleep I thought that might get my friend’s attention and he’d stop talking.

Ok, I’m exaggerating, but not by much.  Non-stop talking seems to be an epidemic these days, and we all need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves if we are one of the offenders?

Here are some clues that you’re guilty:

• The person you are talking to is yawning
• The person you are talking to is looking everywhere but at you
• Because you’re a man and your voice is deeper and perhaps louder you find yourself talking over women or interrupting.
• The person you are talking to has taken out a rope and hung themselves….

You get the picture.  Be aware of visual clues like these and pause.  It’s ok if there is silence for a few seconds, in fact pausing seems to be a lost art.

Is it incurable?

In my humble opinion, rambling and boring others is downright rude, and I’ve developed my own term for it “talkarrhea.”  (Or if it’s only the men in your life that go on and on, you might want to call the ordeal “manologues.”)

Talkarrhea can be a sign of loneliness.  If you feel this might describe you, realize you shouldn’t unload on others and try to squeeze in as much as you can.  Instead of alleviating your loneliness you’re going to do the opposite, and drive the other person away.  Catch yourself, stop talking, and give the other person a chance to interject.  They have a life too.

Now if you talk because you are nervous, that may require some help.  It may take some guidance and practice to alter that instinct of filling every second with dialogue., like some of the techniques here.

For most non-stop talkers, the cure is easy once you realize you are dominating conversations. Here are some tips for how to have a balanced conversation where both parties are sharing thoughts and information.

• When you realize you are monopolizing the conversation ask a question of the other party.
• If you find yourself saying “to make a long story short”, it means your story is already too long!
• Give a concise summary of the point you are trying to make, without every little detail.
• Learn to pause and be comfortable with silence. If you and a friend are having coffee stop and savor it, if on a walk enjoy looking at your surroundings, and in any activity from golf to watching football it’s ok to say nothing at all!
• If you notice someone dominating the conversation, and no one else can get a word in edge wise, don’t be afraid to call them out. On a recent fishing trip I interjected myself into a monologue and simply said “Bill, let Jim talk.”

Or you could just play this song!

On a personal note, talkarrhea can end a relationship before it has a chance to go to the next step.  When I was dating, those matches who turned out to have talkarrhea were ghosted by me.  So this isn’t just an older guy problem, it’s an all-gender one, and I’ve seen it across all age groups. And, as you might expect, the relationship that flourished was the one where I felt my partner was truly interested in my life.  In fact she was such a good listener I made a conscious effort to not dominate the conversation and strove for a fifty-fifty exchange.

If we all make a vow to listen more and talk less, more friendships will bloom rather than whither on the vine.  PS: Have I said too much……..?

Your Turn

Do you know someone who talks too much?  What did you do about it? Let us know in the comments!

Michael J. Tougias is a New York Times bestselling author and co-author of 30 books for adults and nine books for middle readers. His latest book is Extreme Survival: Lessons From Those Who Have Triumphed Against All Odds. Tougias speaks to both business groups and at public libraries across the country.; his website is www.michaeltougias.com