The Man Cave on…Your Kids – and Your Money

There’s a disconnect between the inheritance parents plan to leave their adult children, and how much inheritance those kids expect. And when!

When is it time to have a discussion with your kids about your money?  Never!

Ok, I’m joking. But consider some of these statistics about how parents interact with their adult children about money:

According to a 2025 survey by savings.com:

• Half of all parents surveyed financially support their adult children
• Nearly half of all parents sacrificed their financial security to help their adult children
• More than three-quarters of supportive parents attach conditions to their giving

On the other hand, there is a disconnect, one study says, between adult children expecting an inheritance from their parents….and their parents leaving them anything: “The study found that 38% of Gen Zers and 32% of millennials expect to inherit money or assets. But only 22% of boomers said they expect to leave an inheritance.” (Another study reported that most millennials expect to inherit an eye-popping $320,000, not to mention real estate, in what is popularly called “The Great Wealth Transfer.“)

A little advance knowledge and preparation can go a long way to make sure your hard-earned savings/assets are distributed and accessed as you wish. But depending on your wishes and how you handle them, it can either ease the stress on you and your children –  or add to it – upon your death…or now.

“Uh Oh” Scenarios

Sometimes these conversations get complicated.  One of my friends confided in me that they felt some pressure from their children to start gifting them some of their inheritance each year.  They even thought the kids were paying close attention to their spending on traveling to Europe.

That got my back up bit, thinking to myself those kids feel entitled to something that is not theirs.  And I told my friend to block out the pressure and travel all they want, especially because they paid for their kids’ college.  

PREPARATIONS

For me, I depended on three factors:

• Were one or all my children mature and trustworthy enough to handle this information about my assets?
• Were my assets documented clearly enough for my children to understand and manage them if I were to die suddenly.
• I created a will with an attorney and named a power of attorney in case I became incapacitated. (It’s also helpful if you have also put your assets in a revocable trust so the kids can avoid the hassle and expense of probate.)

In my case, my children, both in their 30’s met the criteria of responsibility, I’ve documented my assets, and my will and trust leave all my assets to my children.  So I felt comfortable talking openly about my money.

But before I told my children what the assets are and the amounts, I first explained to them about my plans on how I plan to spend the money if I live to one hundred.

Those plans include maintaining a winter villa in Florida and summer home in Massachusetts as long as I am able. Sure it may not be the most economical way to live, but that’s a personal choice after years of juggling two jobs.

I also explained that my attorney and I created an irrevocable trust for a rental property I own, and now that five years have gone by “the look back period,” that asset will go to them no matter what happens to me.  So they can count on that asset,  but there is no way to predict how many other assets if any will go to them because of…

…The Great Unknown

For example, maybe I want to travel extensively, or buy something extravagant, or when I need physical assistance, how I plan to have enough money for an assisted living center.  By sharing these plans my kids learned that the money that will be left to them is unknown.  None of us know our “expiration date” so the amount of money the kids can expect is fluid.

After I discussed my plans I then shared a rough approximation of my assets and what they were.  (This article is a great reminder of what information to share with your adult children.)  How often should you talk with your children, this article gives a nice summary of when and which topics to discuss.

YOUR TURN

Did you have the “money and inheritance” talk with your adult kids?  Share your experience and thoughts in the comments!

 

Michael Tougias is a NY Times Bestselling Author of 38 books.  Two of his favorite books are true stories of survival and rescue: A Storm Too Soon and Overboard!  www.michaeltougias.com)