Put Your Life Experience in a Legacy Letter

A legacy letter, also known as an ethical will, is not a legal document; it’s an expression of a person‘s life wisdom, their values, and their meaningful life experiences. It’s intended as a source of life guidance and caring for the recipient…and a great way to start 2026.

“A legacy letter with your life wisdom is an inheritance more valuable than money,” says Amy Paul, a retired attorney who founded HeirloomWords, a site dedicated to teaching people how  to write a legacy letter.  Last November, over 50 people zoomed in for a Gray Panthers presentation, led by Amy Paul, entitled “Legacy Letters: What Will You Leave Behind?”  “It’s something handed down from one person to the next from one generation to the next,” said Paul. “It has evolutionary value for the family and serves to make the world a better place.”

What’s Your Legacy?

Before her father passed away, Paul helped her dad write a memoir, which they self-published, and it meant so much to her family. She said a legacy letter has the same benefits as a memoir, but it’s shorter and much less work. It’s about sharing valuable lessons you learned about life and how you dealt with it when it was challenging.

It’s an ancient tradition with roots in the Old Testament and reviving this tradition is a way we can appreciate our elders more.

To help keep this tradition alive, Paul created the HeirloomWords project. “I’ve done presentations for years and I wanted to do this as a community project,” she said. “I worked in many nonprofits dealing with the elderly, and it was heartbreaking to see how seniors were not given the respect they deserved. Restoring the letter tradition is a step towards recognizing and honoring the knowledge older people have.  Legacy letters are a way to overcome our society’s ageism.”

Benefits of Writing a Legacy Letter

A legacy letter offers the opportunity for the writer to give or get forgiveness. It creates a sense of closure and it’s a chance to explain reasons and actions. The writing process is healing both physically and psychologically. “When the recipient had a rocky relationship with the author, it can lead to a softer and more accepting relationship,” says Paul. “That’s why you have to be mindful when writing. You don’t want to rehash old grudges and disputes.”

“The process of writing means going back into your life,” Paul continues. “You learn about your family dynamics. And you get a sense of your life behavior and values. You try to get past the sticky stuff to encourage a discussion about values of importance. You stand for something positive. Writing involves reflection and analysis and you come out of the process being proud for trying to properly guide the recipient. It does not mean you were perfect.”

The letter benefits the recipient in that it keeps the memory of the beloved writer strong and positive throughout the recipient’s life, and in not feeling so alone. It can resolve past strife and provide guidance for difficult challenges. It affirms the writer’s life values, and it gives a sense of identity and roots to the recipient.

“Memories help us understand our past present and future and writing helps us heal,” says Paul “Some people reveal long-held secrets and reasons for holding them,” she adds. “This is a  chance to resolve conflict and a legacy letter preserves love and pride for a family.”

Paul recalled working with an individual in a low income community who felt her life had no substance. She had no money and no valuables to pass on to her children as an inheritance… but after she wrote the legacy letter, she felt the letter gave her children love, advice, and something positive to remember her by and then she realized her life now had meaning: it had been valuable.

Writing the Legacy Letter

During the workshop Senior Planet attended, Amy Paul gave some advice on how to start.

Start by identifying the recipient(s) and include:

-the values and experiences that mattered the most to you.

-Stories that impacted you. Include a story that changed your experience of life. Include some family stories, the most important ones (not everything).

-You might include sayings that reflect your values and that helped you along the way. Jog your memory by listening to songs from your younger years or looking at photos.

-Be honest. Be yourself. Focus on the future. Don’t be negative. While writing, ask yourself “how can I help my recipient?”

Write the letter over several days, doing an outline, at least two drafts and then a final draft. You can do this alone or with the help of another.

Other options

You can also do a video or an audio file, but since technology changes over the years, it is advisable that you also have a written version. You can give the letter while you are alive to the recipients or leave it with your estate. It could be a birthday gift to a younger family member.  Present it in an archival folder, available in an art store.

There is no maximum length for a legacy letter and there are templates available on the Internet.

How it Feels

“I had taken a professional development workshop on this topic years ago, but I had not given much thought to this information until I was writing my own will,” says M. Jennifer Brougham, Family  Sociology Faculty, Arizona State University. “But I realized I wanted to leave more to my children and grandchildren than material items. I wanted them to know what was important in my life, the values I hoped I passed on to them, the importance of faith, spiritual life, being just, and sharing with those less fortunate as they were able. Most of all, loving and forgiving one another.”

YOUR TURN

Have you written a legacy letter? Would you consider writing one? Share your thoughts in the comments!

 

Kate Walter is the author of two memoirs: Behind the Mask: Living Alone in the Epicenter; and Looking for a Kiss: A Chronicle of Downtown Heartbreak and Healing. Her essays and opinion pieces have appeared in The New York Times, Newsday, New York Daily News, AM-NY, Next Avenue, The Advocate, The Village Sun and other outlets. She taught writing at CUNY and NYU for three decades and now works as a writing coach.

Photo of Kate Walter by Su Zen