Joanna Choi Kalbus, 84, and her memoir

Joanna Choi Kalbus published her first book – a memoir – at age 84. In The Boat Not Taken, she tells the story of her and her mother’s escape from North Korea and the pair’s journey to the United States.  To mark Asian American Native Hawaiian and Pacific Islander (AANHPI) Heritage Month, Senior Planet sat down with Dr. Kalbus to learn about her writing journey and how she used the process to grieve her mother’s death. 

Her work tells the story of a mother and daughter, both born in North Korea, who must escape, navigate through a war-torn landscape, and ultimately, create a new home thousands of miles away.

Senior Planet will be hosting an Author Talk with Joanna Choi Kalbus on Tuesday, May 27th at 4pm ET.  

How did this book come to be? Did you set out with the intention to write a memoir? 

Heaven’s no! I didn’t even know there was a genre called memoir.  My mother died on January 17, 1996. She was my life’s historian and I felt rudderless. So I communed with her by journaling. There were so many unanswered questions, I embarked on writing her story with just a timeline of significant dates. 

You were published for the first time at age 84, what advice would you have for other first-time writers?  

My debut book was launched May 6, 2025. To me, age doesn’t matter. In sports, age does matter but with advanced age, we have wisdom. I wrote without knowing the craft of writing but there came a time when I enrolled in local adult education classes, joined writing groups, went to conferences. One writes alone but in the end, it takes a village. Look at the Acknowledgment page.  

Your memoir largely focuses on your relationship with your Omai (mother). Can you share a favorite memory of her? 

When we came to America, our first place we lived in was a shed for the horses. It didn’t have a restroom. Each Saturday, my Omai and I had to go to the old persons mansion in front of our shed to take our weekly baths. To be submerged in the deep bath tub together, scrubbing each other’s backs was akin to nowadays, going to a spa. Then, we walked back to our shed passing the tall mulberry tree, and when the full moon rose, we would sing a Korean folk song about the moon. Such memories are precious. 

What do you want readers to take away from your book? 

Each memoir is about one family’s personal journey…unique and individualistic but there are broader themes that are universal that every memoir encompasses. One universal theme is how the world events affect one family’s trajectory in their life’s journey. I would ask the reader, did my memoir change you and how? My own take away from writing the book is that the most valued word in the lexicon is empathy. 

Deirdre Lee serves as Director of Virtual Program Experiences for Senior Planet from AARP (formerly managing the organization’s licensing program). Based in Denver, she oversees Senior Planet’s online programs as well as the free hotline for tech or Senior Planet questions (available at 888-713-3495).