Ask Joan – A Ten Year Retrospective
Happy Anniversary! This month marks the tenth anniversary of Joan Price’s Sex and Relationships advice column for Senior Planet – with 123 columns in that time! Here is a ten-year retrospective, and a look at the top four intimacy issues for seniors, some resources, and more.
How ‘Ask Joan” started
“I really do need your help. I have a husband who loves me and needs the intimacy we used to have. I seem to have lost the desire almost altogether, and my poor husband is suffering.”
My first column for Senior Planet, How to Trigger Desire in a Stale Relationship, appeared May 6, 2014. We started with a blast: four columns in the first month. You asked about lack of desire, how to signal interest in sex, STIs and safer sex, and vibrators.
Then we switched to monthly. In the first year, you sent me questions about ethical non-monogamy, painful intercourse, troubled relationships, online dating, sexless marriage, ED, spouse watching porn, difficulty reaching orgasm, faking orgasms, and more.
“I fear we’re going to run out of questions,” my editor emailed me in 2017. I laugh at that now. I still receive far more questions than I can answer with one column per month. “Ask Joan” isn’t going away anytime soon!
How has “Ask Joan” changed?
Only the column length. You’ll see that early columns are short, just a bit over half the length of more recent ones. As the column’s popularity grew, so did the length of both your stories and my answers.
What hasn’t changed?
The questions you asked ten years ago are still the ones that concern you today. Although I like to vary the topics, I keep coming back to these top four, because you keep asking.
Incompatibility of sexual needs and desires between spouses or lovers is, by far, the #1 topic you write me about, month after month, year after year. Not knowing how to communicate these needs and desires is a big part of the problem. You write about wanting more sex than your partner — or less. You describe sexless marriages, feelings of rejection when your spouse doesn’t want sex with you, and yearning to understand your lack of desire when you’re the one not wanting sex.
Dating as seniors and initiating sex in new relationships. I hear from newly dating singles trying to figure out when and how sex fits into a new relationship. Seniors with medical issues wonder when they need to disclose them. Widowed people write about how soon to start dating and when this will lead to sex.
Orgasms or their lack is another huge challenge, especially (but not exclusively) for women. Our bodies change as we age. What we need for arousal and orgasm changes. With reliable information, we can recapture our sexual pleasure.
Sex toys. I sing the praises of high-quality vibrators, because in many cases, they’re the answer to elusive orgasms. When our bodies need more stimulation than our usual solo or partnered sex can provide, vibrators to the rescue!
Resources for your most-asked questions
- “When Sexual Desire Changes – and What to do About It”
- Sex After Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality After Losing Your Beloved
- “How Can I Reach Orgasm More Easily?”
- “Vibrators for Seniors – especially for first-timers”
Your Comments
It’s fascinating to see which topics motivate you to comment. Some columns have six or seven comments — others have hundreds! Years-old columns are still getting new comments, probably because you’re searching by topic, not just reading the current month.
These columns prompted the most discussion, judging by the comment count as of May 6, 2024:
- “How to deal with a sexless marriage,” August 2017, 404 comments.
- “A Senior’s Guide to Solo Sex,” February 2017, 262 comments.
- “Is This Embarrassing Odor Normal for Older Women?” March 2016, 114 comments.
- “Ask Joan: How to deal with a spouse who constantly wants sex,” June 2022, 105 comments.
In your comments, you share how you relate to the topic in your own relationships, wants, needs, and feelings. You may agree or disagree with my advice or offer your own. Though some comments veer off-topic, most show the importance and timeliness of these questions for our age group, and your willingness to help each other with your own advice. We’re creating meaningful community here.
Do you want your question answered?
- I’m looking for new questions that haven’t been addressed recently, or ever, yet have broad appeal.
- If you have a question similar to others I’ve answered, put a new spin on it.
- I’m not qualified to answer medical questions, so don’t send me those.
- Except for the occasional “Quickies” a couple of times a year, I don’t answer short questions.
- I’m most likely to choose a question with a clear and interesting backstory. So don’t just ask the question — tell me what’s going on that led to the question.
Thank you, Senior Planet, for supporting my mission to talk out loud about senior sex and relationships and provide quality information. Here’s to another ten years!
Special thanks to Mac Marshall for his invaluable assistance reading and sorting all 123 columns!
YOUR TURN
Which columns or topics particularly resonated with you or helped you solve a problem you were facing? Please answer in the comments section.
Do you have a question for Joan?
-
- Check https://cms.seniorplanet.org/author/joan-price/ in case Joan has already addressed your topic.
- Joan can only answer questions from people age 60 and above.
- Selected questions will be answered in this public column, not privately. If you want a private answer, you can book Joan for a personal consultation.
- If your question is under consideration for Joan’s column, she will email you directly and will only select your question if you respond to her email. If you submit your question, please check your spam/junk folder in case your overzealous spam filter captures her email.
- Ready to submit your question? Email sexpert@seniorplanet.org.
Joan Price has been Senior Planet’s “Sex at Our Age” columnist since 2014. She is the author of four self-help books about senior sex, including her award winners: “Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex” and “Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality after Losing Your Beloved.” Visit Joan’s website and blog for senior sex news, views, tips, and sex toy reviews from a senior perspective. Subscribe to Joan’s free, monthly newsletter.
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Comments
I have only started reading your column in the last several years, but it has been incredibly helpful for me. I’m not alone; I think that’s something I have learned from your columns that makes me feel better. How many of us have felt “weird” because we had no idea that so many others were experiencing the exact same thing? Thank you, Joan, for talking about these things that NEED to be talked about!!!
Hello Joan, I just finished reading “Sex After Grief” and found it most helpful and encouraging. As a 66 year old heterosexual widow, I am beginning to try and seek out dating and companionship. What is your advice for those of us who do not include church/spiritual community and more but wish to meet other single men? My therapist strongly cautioned me to avoid online dating sites, due to potential danger of robbery and violence. It is tough to meet single straight men over 55–for me so far
Meetup is a good resource for solo activities.
Jane, there are some creeps and villains who use online dating to find their victims, but if you’re savvy and know the warning signs, you can avoid them. Most of the people are genuine human beings who are looking for a connection, as you are. Don’t write off online dating — it’s where the people are.
I have a 90-minute webinar that you’ll find helpful: “How the Heck Do I Date At This Age?” available from https://joanprice.com/webinars .
Thank you for your kind words about Sex After Grief!
Happy Anniversary Joan. Your advice and comments over the decade have helped a lot of us open communication with our partners. You have also made many of us realise that we are not alone whilst dealing with a concern in our relationships which we thought were unique to us alone. Here’s hoping for another 10 years.!
Reading through all 123 of Joan Price’s columns plus the comments was an extremely interesting and educational enterprise. As an 80-year-old I gained much new insight into many of the issues that affect our sexuality as seniors. And in the process I developed enormous respect for Joan’s wisdom and sensitivity in addressing our collective concerns. Thank you Senior Planet for bringing her to us.
Right on Mac ! You have the pleasure of being just a tad biased as well.