Senior Planet’s “Sex at Our Age” column usually presents one detailed question and Joan Price’s detailed answer. But occasionally she assembles short questions that need only brief answers, called “Quickies.”

Quickie #1: Household lube?

I am a 72-year-old male. What should we use for a lube for unplanned sex? A woman recently invited me back to her place. One thing led to another, and we ended up in bed. But her lube bottle had leaked out all its contents. We had a good laugh and enjoyed our time together. For the future, what is a safe household item to use?

Joan responds:

No household items, please! Use a high-quality lubricant made for sex with body-safe ingredients. A good lubricant makes sex comfortable, pleasurable, and arousing. The wrong substance inside an aging vagina can result in irritation, UTIs, and more. Keep lube on hand, and if the sexual encounter is away from home, carry sampler packets so you’re always prepared.

Quickie #2: Toy during intercourse?

I am 63 with a relatively new partner. He is wonderful in bed. But I cannot reach orgasm without using a vibrator. The toys I have aren’t good during intercourse because they get in his way. I want to find a toy that I can use on my clitoris during sexual intercourse. Suggestions?

Joan responds:

Using a clitoral vibrator increases the likelihood of orgasm during intercourse. Many vibrators take up too much space for use during intercourse, but lucky for us, several target the clitoris without blocking vaginal access. Some suggestions, with links to my reviews to learn more:

• Eroscillator with “Magic Finger” attachment.
• We-Vibe Touch or Tango
• We-Vibe Melt
• Hot Octopuss DiGiT

Confused about dating? Hear Joan Price speak about “How the heck do I date at this age?” during her webinar on April 19.  Register and get details here. 

Quickie #3: No sex, no affection.

He’s 86 and I’m 82, married 64 years. No sex, hugging, kissing for over 15 years. He’s not interested in sex and says women of my age aren’t supposed to have sex. Thanks to sex toys, I still have orgasms, which I enjoy very much. I’ve asked him to use his mouth or fingers on me, but he refuses, says I am crazy and should grow up. He won’t talk to a marriage counselor. I’d love to lie with him and hug, but he sleeps in a recliner for his breathing. I can’t afford to divorce him and live on my own. What should I do?

Joan responds:

Your husband doesn’t want any kind of sex with you, shames and insults you for wanting it, and won’t see a counselor. There’s been no affection or intimacy for 15 of your 64 years together. You say financially, you can’t afford to leave — but emotionally, can you afford to stay? Your marriage won’t improve, and you deserve better. Do you have a kind friend or relative you could stay with for a while to feel what it’s like to be accepted and not insulted? I hope that would empower you to look for a different living situation, maybe with roommates.

Quickie #4: Church says no, can I say yes?

I’m a 63-year-old woman, never married. I’ve gone to church my whole life and was told to wait till marriage to have sex. But there’s nothing to wait for — I’m old now. I met a man who wanted to have sex on the first date. I said no, not because I didn’t want to, but because I’ve been told all my life it’s wrong. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Joan responds:

Your desire and curiosity are battling your upbringing. It’s understandable that you’re torn. You wanted to say yes to this man who offered sex on a first date. Was that because you were attracted to him, comfortable with him, and eager for sex? Or did you see it mainly as a way to finally have this experience? Since you asked me (a sex educator) instead of your pastor, I think you want encouragement to follow your desires. I support you. But I think you should hold out for someone you know better than a first date — a man you trust, who makes you feel safe as well as turned on. You might talk to a sex therapist (not associated with your church) to figure out what you want to do and how to deal with your ambivalent feelings. I wish you joy!

Quickie #5: Safer sex.

My divorced friends and I, in our 60s, disagree about whether we need to use condoms with new partners. Some of us say there’s no need anymore and others argue STIs are still a risk. Settle this argument for us, Joan.

Joan responds:

Use barrier protection with every new partner. Make it your policy and don’t waver. Seniors are at risk for STIs just as much as younger folks, or even more, because aging vaginal tissue is thinner. Sobering fact: among older adults in the US, STI rates more than doubled from 2012 to 2022, according to the CDC. I invite you to view my free 45-minute video “Safer Sex for Seniors with Joan Price,” which explains “why,” “what,” and “how” — sprinkled with humor and surprises.

Your Turn

Do you have a question for Joan? 

• Check https://seniorplanet.org/author/joan-price/ in case Joan has already addressed your topic.
• Joan can only answer questions from people age 60 and above.
• Selected questions will be answered in this public column, not privately. If you want a private answer, you can book Joan for a personal consultation.
• If your question is under consideration for Joan’s column, she will email you directly and will only select your question if you respond to her email. If you submit your question, please check your spam/junk folder in case your overzealous spam filter captures her email.
• Ready to submit your question? Email sexpert@seniorplanet.org.

Joan Price has been Senior Planet’s “Sex at Our Age” columnist since 2014. She is the author of four self-help books about senior sex, including her award winners: “Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud about Senior Sex” and “Sex after Grief: Navigating Your Sexuality after Losing Your Beloved.” Visit Joan’s website and blog for senior sex news, views, tips, and sex toy reviews from a senior perspective. Subscribe to Joan’s free, monthly newsletter.