COMMENTS

35 responses to “Open Thread Update: Miss Manners?”

1. Addressing a person who is considerably older (5+ yrs) than the addressee by his/her 1st name has always been a pet peeve of mind. I was taught that to do so was a sign of disrespect, yet, it seems to be the norm today.

   Reply to Jayne Smythe

2. I wholeheartedly agree with the comments regarding the “new normal” of not acknowledging gifts. My motive is the joy of giving. That said, the thank you note has morphed into the thank you text, I if I’m fortunate enough to receive one. While I no longer take their lack of response personally, I still struggle with feeling that it’s rude on the part of the recipient. It’s not like they don’t have their phones with them 24/7. So it comes down to what’s more important, giving or being thanked.

   Reply to Joey

3. You will always be disappointed if you have unrealistic expectations. Stop judging, you will be happier.

   Reply to W. Kiritz

4. That sounds like you have shopped at my local trader Joes’ in Brooklie,Ma.The “Clueless” capital of New England.It is really getting to be a proble,Also,as concerns dog owners leaving bags of poop all over the place.Beware folks,I’m taking screen shots and forwarding the to local PD/Health Dept.

   Reply to Marilu Fifleld

5. Also,in my neighborhood of Brookline Ma there are quite a few who think they are not required to clean up their dog’s poop/let their dogs run free in park areas where there are kids/other pets that might be bothered by overly agressive dogs/also they don’t respond whenb you ask them(politely to please lease up your pet.So many liberties taken by the “Entitled Elite”.I’m sick of it.Tehey also whine/complain re: bike lanes,pro/con.Selfish/self absorbed/narssistic nincompoops,speaking of Poop lol!”

   Reply to Marilu Fifield

6. Expectations are resentments in the making.

   Reply to Annette

7. While traveling recently, I was impressed by how kind and courteous people were. There were offers to help stow my carry-on bag as well as help to take it down. When I was afraid of missing a connecting flight, people let my elderly traveling companion and me go in front of them and wished us good luck. It wasn’t all easy going, but I was struck with how polite most were in that situation.

   Reply to Susan Wexler

8. Grocery store bad manners. Folks who park their shopping carts in the middle of the aisle leaving inadequate space to be able to pass on either side. Or similarly, parking their cart right next to someone else’s already parked cart so the aisle is completely blocked. Oblivious.

   Reply to Celia

   1. I completely agree with these. It’s as if they never expect anyone else to use the same aisle as they take their time deciding what to buy.

      Reply to David

      1. I sympathize totally.At my Trader JOes’s in Brookline,Ma ,their are folks that stand in front a shelf and read every label of every product, UTTERLY OBLIVIOUS to thers needing an item on the same shelf.Go online at Trader Joe’s website people and check out the ingredient list THERE HELLO!Also,much more inportant,slow the heck down when you are driving,especially in areas where there are many older adults.One day it could be YOUR grandma/grandpa who almost gets run over.#DON’T KILL DRAMA!

   2. That sounds like you have shopped at my local trader Joes’ in Brooklie,Ma.The “Clueless” capital of New England.It is really getting to be a proble,Also,as concerns dog owners leaving bags of poop all over the place.Beware folks,I’m taking screen shots and forwarding the to local PD/Health Dept.

      Reply to Marilu Fifleld

9. I also think reclining seats are a big problem. It seems that everyone needs to sleep on a plane and the person that reclines their seat doesn’t think about anyone but themselves.
   There isn’t any room for the person behind them and if you have to get up for any reason, you can’t because of the person that just needs to recline like they are at home.

   NO MANNERS ANYMORE

   Reply to Bara

   1. Again,it is the “Entitled Elites” of which there are far too many of in my neck of the woods in New England.There are so many of the decendents of the”old money/Backbay/ Blue Blood “crowd that think they are still living in”The Gilded Age.I’m serious,thats EXACTLY the way some of these schumks act.”Downton Abbey” days are OVER “Old money” Old people.Get over it/and yourselves.You are not special.Your parents lied to you,lol!

      Reply to Marilu Fifield

10. In the food self -check out, making sure I get my receipt/,card,off I go. Recently, a nice employee asked if I was alright, came over. (Maybe an older person is a magnet for manners.)It’s a perk and I love it!

    Reply to Belinda

11. I sat in a row in front of a parent and two school- ages children at a choral music performance. The other parent was singing with the group onstage. Both children behind me were allowed to rest their feet on the back of the empty seats close to me. They wiggled their feet, kept time with the music, etc. the only thing was all that movement shook the entire row of seats in front of them, including mine, causing the seat to constantly hit my back. Such bad manners!

    Reply to nancy

12. If they don’t have time to reply and acknowledge, then I don’t have time to ever send a gift again. No attitude or grudges from me. Just no gift anymore.

    Reply to Linda Rae

13. What really annoys me is the rude people that park their car at a gas pump and leave their vehicle to go inside the store to shop BEFORE and AFTER they pump gas. You are left waiting behind them until they come back to their vehicle with bags of food or other purchases for 10 minutes or more. Moving their vehicle to a parking spot away from the pump would be the respectful thing to do.

    Reply to Cynthia McCarthy

14. I think this airplane traveler is not in contact with any young people since….? Maybe she could recall a young neighbor, a niece or nephew who was not always perfect? Has she been out of the workforce so long she has NO memories of the next generation of workers maybe being polite but more focused on their peers and jobs?
    Let go and don’t take that action so personally. Life is too short and you will find every day umpteen reason to find yourself in misery and isolation.

    Reply to Jan

    1. Totally agree!

       Reply to Maria Luisa

15. “The young creep had the attitude that I was some sort of underling”? I understand your feeling disrespected, but come on! Do we learn to read minds as we age? What if the man were on the autism spectrum, or had some other mental disorder?And when did returning discourtesy with more discourtesy become a sign of maturity?If you felt disrespected, how about a more polite reply, such as,”I would’ve let you in more quickly, but since you didn’t say anything, I didn’t realize you were seated here”?

    Reply to Bruce

    1. I was thinking the same thing. Maybe anxiety issues….plane travel is so hard these days, I know it is hard for me.

       Reply to Celia

    2. I agree with meeting discourtesy with courtesy, but your suggestion sounds more like passive aggression.

       What about something along the lines of “Oh! Hi! Looks like we’re in the same row. My name’s [first name]. It’s nice to meet you.”?

       Reply to Annette

16. About three years ago I was walking my daughter’s dog and found a young man’s wallet in the middle of the road. Inside were id’s, credit cards, and six $100 bills. I found a close-by address and went to return it. A young woman answered the door & said the man was at work but she couldn’t verify his DOB. I gave her the complete wallet anyway and to this day I haven’t received a thank-you or call from him. In the future, I will only attempt to return items to the rightful owner.

    Reply to Gary

    1. So you did leave your contact information with the wallet?

       Reply to Annette

17. Speaking of thank-you notes and verbal thank-yous–are they optional now? I attended a wedding last year and a shower months ago. I gave generous gifts that have not been acknowledged. This occurs at the holidays too–gifts to children and teens are not acknowledged. And how about a thank you by text? I suppose it’s better than nothing, but I was a bit disappointed to receive a brief texted thank you for a very generous graduation gift.
    It makes me a little sad.

    Reply to Jo

    1. I can ditto a lot of your comments about the courtesy of close family. I usually hear about it if it’s something for them. Christmas is usually fun cuz I like to give gifts & none of them seemed like ‘gotta do’ All ‘ wanna do’s’ with Love…that’s what Christmas is about in my book. However, just ‘thank you’ would have been appreciated & eased some of the pain, but there was NO acknowledgement. Obviously, it still hurts, but I appreciate you letting me release some of it. God bless you.

       Reply to Donna Gilmore

    2. Jo, if you can take the time to purchase gifts, certainly the ability to sit down for an hour and send out formal thank notes shouldn’t be a big deal.
       No texting..come on..let’s not make everything so informal.

       Reply to Sonja Williams

       1. Thanks for empathizing! To clarify, a family member texted a thank-you for the graduation gift. I think a written note is appropriate, but a text is better than nothing. I’ve not received any thanks for a wedding gift last year or “drive-by” shower gift during covid. I asked the mom of an only child if a Xmas gift fit; she said there was so much chaos, she didn’t know who gave which gift. At one party the guests were asked to address the envelopes for thank-yous–there’s an idea.

    3. I think I am still a bit traditional. Wedding, anniversary and other more formal events require more than a text or email invite. What about those very late adapters who don’t use texting or email? There is something to be said about receiving a hand written envelope. I feel special and honored to be invited to celebrate your event.
       Let’s encourage those who don’t understand learn to appreciate the special moments with the simplest of details.

       Reply to Sonja Williams

18. It’s says more about their state of mind, than their manners,. There could be all sorts of issues going on in their lives. I stopped judging and having expectations a while ago, my outlook is better, my interactions are better, and I am happier than I ever have been. Doesn’t mean I don’t notice bad behavior, I just don’t go through all the mental anguish any more.

    Reply to Ann

    1. Awesome you have that kind of outlook. Maybe time (&prayers) will help here too.

       Reply to Donna Gilmore

       1. Time and prayers will NOT help the “Karen” capital of New England,Brookline,Ma,home of formere Pres.JFK.,from a family of VERY thoughtful/polite/and well mannered family(if you exclude Bobby(antivax) Kennedy lol!Anyway,there are some of THE most “entitled”schmucks in the world,in this area.I’m sure it has a lot to do with some of the”Old Money/Back Bay Blue Blood” crowd still hobbling around, acting like they still think that they STILL own the place.That day/age is OVER folks.!

    2. Dear Ann,
       I love your attitude. A smile or a friendly nod is often enough to encourage good manners. You might even be offered a seat on a crowded bus – sometimes.
       I still write thank you notes, but have also learned to overlook the lack of it, especially in the young. Let’s continue this much appreciated traditon.

       Reply to Elisabeth De Nitto

    3. I find stopping the gifting solves the angst of not receiving awknowledgement….and frees up the time spent shopping and the ‘funds’ for other purposes.

       Reply to Helen

       1. Time and prayers will NOT help the “Karen” capital of New England,Brookline,Ma,home of formere Pres.JFK.,from a family of VERY thoughtful/polite/and well mannered family(if you exclude Bobby(antivax) Kennedy lol!Anyway,there are some of THE most “entitled”schmucks in the world,in this area.I’m sure it has a lot to do with some of the”Old Money/Back Bay Blue Blood” crowd still hobbling around, acting like they still think that they STILL own the place.That day/age is OVER folks.!