Can you describe in detail the strokes or finger motions that you use to give yourself an orgasm? It may be harder to put into words than you think; it was for me. And this, in part, is the premise behind OMGYES — an empowering website designed for women of all ages who want to learn more about orgasms and expand their sexual pleasure, and also for men who want to understand the needs and preferences of the women in their lives.
Some 2000 women between the ages of 18 and 95 helped in the development of the site by responding to surveys that asked them about orgasms and how they gave themselves pleasure. OMGYES co-founder Lydia Daniller said it was difficult initially to find older women who were willing to participate, but those who did respond to questions were enthusiastic.
Our culture struggles with the sexuality of older women, portraying us as ‘dried-up’ and past our sexual prime. OMGYES recognizes that no matter how old you are, you may be looking for sexual pleasure — whether solo or coupled.
How Does OMGYES Work?
OMGYES is an interactive site with free resources and videos featuring women touching themselves and talking about their techniques and how it feels. For those who pay a small one-time fee, touchable videos that let you try out techniques on realistic vulvas with real-time feedback.
Here’s how it works: First you watch a video about one of the 10 techniques or topics, narrated by one of the women. Then the interactive video guides you to explore that woman’s vulva using her strokes and techniques. The woman’s voice responds by letting you know if the touch is pleasing or needs adjusting. That’s one of the values of OMGYES: It models useful ways to give feedback to a partner.
I tried one of the these videos and got a message saying, “that’s not feeling good, let’s try again later.” I felt like a failure! How had I not been able to give this virtual woman the touch she asked for? I could relate to the frustrations a woman and her partner might feel when the sexual touch isn’t quite right. In my defense, I was using my computer with a touchpad. With a compatible phone or tablet’s touchscreen, you use your fingers directly on the video — an easier and more natural experience.
OMGYES for Older Women
I occasionally hear from women who say, “I feel numb” or “I’ve never had an orgasm.” They reflect the experiences of many of us who grew up without reliable — or any — sex education. Some older women don’t feel comfortable touching themselves, and many of us are reluctant to have conversations about sex with our partners, or lack the language to articulate what we need. OMGYES helps normalizes female sexual desire by providing women the specific skills and language to express their needs. And if you’ve never explored your own anatomy, you can use the videos on the website to help find your pleasure centers. And that’s important. When it leads to arousal, pleasure helps to keep our pelvic floor muscles and vaginal tissue engaged, promoting sexual health as we age.
Some of the content on OMGYES is explicit, but it’s presented in a way that feels very natural. The information is specific and detailed, taking away much of the guesswork. Watching the stories and videos nudges you to think about your body as a source of sexual pleasure, and playing the “other” party in the interactive videos allows you to gain tips on talking about your needs.
OMGYES could open up new avenues to sexual pleasure for older women. And hearing the honest, comfortable way these women talk about their journeys and their right to pleasure is uplifting.
OMGYES is free for all but the interactive content, which requires a one-time fee; a sample video on the site lets you try out the experience before committing.