Article

You’re a Senior If You’re Looking for Your Peepers

By Roz Warren Friday, May 29, 2015 23 Comments Share This:

Before I ever laid eyes on George, I knew he was a fellow senior. How? I caught a glimpse of his office. Scattered around on the bookshelves that lined his walls were dozens of pairs of black-rimmed plastic reading glasses.

Cheaters – they’re part of our senior plumage. I have several pairs myself that I misplace constantly. I take them off, set them down – and they vanish into thin air. Eventually they reappear. On the coffee table. In my pockets. In a desk drawer.

Once, on top of the birdcage.

I wondered, how many hours have I spent hunting for reading glasses? Maybe the definition of senior is “a person who misplaces multiple pairs of cheaters.”

To test the definition, I logged onto Facebook and asked my pals: How many pair of reading glasses do you own – and how often do you misplace them?

Mark chimed in right away:

I have three pairs and I misplace them constantly.

Mark was not alone:

I own at least a dozen and can never find any of them. They’re everywhere and nowhere at once!

I have reading glasses in every room in my house and in my purse. And yet I can never find a pair.

I buy them online by the four-pack for seven bucks. They are everydamnwhere.

How many do I have? Dozens! Stashed all over the house. But it’s only a matter of time before I lose them all.

Six pairs. One in my car, one by the computer, one in the living room, one in the kitchen and God knows where the others are.

I have five pairs. But I only like one of them.

When my grandmother passed away, we found 37 pairs of reading glasses!

Cheaters, lost and found:

Often when I look for them I find that they’re already on my head.

A pair once fell out of my pocket when I was gardening. Found them again while weeding two weeks later.

Our Bichon likes to carry them off. I’ll occasionally find specs in his bed. One of these days, I expect to come home and find him wearing them.

I once came out of the grocery store and found a pair on top of my parked car. Not sure how that happened.

Not everyone has trouble keeping track of their specs (these are organized types):

I never misplace mine because I have many pairs that I leave in specific places: kitchen, knitting chair, office, bedside, car, client’s office, purse, living room.

I have a drugstore pair for each room where I’m likely to use them and an Rx pair by my bed, my fave place to read.

I store mine on top of my head!

Some of my more practical friends keep their specs on hand for specific uses:

I carry a stylish pair in my purse for reading labels and menus.

I keep a pair in my bicycle pouch… just in case I need to change a tire or fix the chain.

I keep a pair in the car. There’s nothing worse than going somewhere and being unable to see when you get there.

My favorite takeaway from my Facebook experiment? Cheaters aren’t just a necessity – they’re an accessory!

I consider them fashion. I own a dozen and switch them around depending on what I’m wearing.

I have actually grown out my hair because my previous style did not look good with glasses on top of my head.

I like something spiffy. Brightly colored frames! Edged with rhinestones.

Most of mine are round and Harry Potter-esque. But I have a great pair of pink cat‘s eye frames.

All I know is that the older I get, the more wild and colorful my reading glasses.

How many pairs of reading glasses do you have? Plain specs or wild and crazy? Where is the most unexpected place you’ve found them?

Tell us about your peepers in the comments section below. The commenter with the best response will win a copy of Roz Warren’s new book, “Our Bodies, Our Shelves: A Collection of Library Humor.”

Roz Warren writes for the New York Times, the Huffington Post and many other publications. Find more of Roz’s work at www.rosalindwarren.com, and connect with her on Facebook and Twitter @WriterRozWarren.

COMMENTS

23 responses to “You’re a Senior If You’re Looking for Your Peepers”

dell:

Thursday, October 29, 2015 at 10:12am

Very nice article , thinking about adding some of my glasses .

Reply to dell
Leslie:

Friday, June 5, 2015 at 4:14am

Dollar Store Liz Dollar store!!! That way, When I buy hubby 6 pair and he loses or breaks all six, I never fear “the dollar store is here.:

Reply to Leslie
Penny:

Wednesday, June 3, 2015 at 11:00pm

I just loved reading about our reading, computer, distance glasses….a glorious warm intimate glance at how active, interested, interesting we all are…I too order bulk on line and have fun with style and color. I laughed with love and relief…. all of mine disappear too…

Reply to Penny
Kelly:

Wednesday, June 3, 2015 at 7:42am

Hope I don’t have so many!

Reply to Kelly
Janie Emaus:

Tuesday, June 2, 2015 at 12:12am

Since I wear glasses, I only have one pair. But i do often misplace them when I wake up in the morning!

Reply to Janie Emaus
1. Sharon:
  
  Thursday, June 4, 2015 at 2:10pm
  
  Janie,
  Fancy meeting you here.
  
  I was always extremely nearsighted until my cataract surgery, so I always kept my glasses on my night stand next to the alarm clock. I would hit the alarm button, put my glasses on, then headed to the bathroom. Hated it, but at least I always knew where my glasses were.
  
  Reply to Sharon
Carolann:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 10:04pm

LOL hysterical and true. I had 20/20 my whole life until I hit the big 50 then yikes! Peppers are my friends now. Thanks for the chuckles.

Reply to Carolann
Lois Alter Mark:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 8:22pm

I hesitate to admit that I still don’t need glasses at age 56. My eye doctor has said I could use a magnifying glass, though, and he’s so right!

Reply to Lois Alter Mark
Ines Roe:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 7:10pm

I don’t even want to count how many I have. Just ordered two more online last night. I do constantly lose them – so I totally identified with your post and it made me glad to know that I am not alone.

Reply to Ines Roe
Doreen McGettigan:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 4:58pm

LOL I have at least a dozen pair and they are all over my house except for where I need them when I need them. Like you I keep my prescription glasses at my favorite reading spot. I buy different colors and styles and do coordinate them with what I am wearing.

Reply to Doreen McGettigan
Mary:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 4:42pm

Only within the last year I have had to use readers. I have a pair in my purse, my car, the kitchen, and my night stand! No need to lose a pair!

Reply to Mary
Elin Stebbins Waldal:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 4:07pm

this is great. I actually just broke down and purchased progressives, now they are on my face!

Reply to Elin Stebbins Waldal
1. Ellen Dolgen:
  
  Tuesday, June 2, 2015 at 12:39am
  
  HAHA!!!
  
  Reply to Ellen Dolgen
Tam Warner Minton:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 3:08pm

Ha! I am so ADHD that I lose everything I own and am lucky my head is attached. I’ve worn glasses since 3rd grade, and yes, I now own 3 pairs of a very, very expensive prescription because one pair would mean DISASTER.

Reply to Tam Warner Minton
bill reith:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 2:53pm

We have an invisible deity resident in our home, called The God of the Lost. When one thing is lost, another, previously lost, is soon found. It appears that GOTL likes reading glasses, and so, like the ancients who kept the votive fires burning brightly lest the gods be angered, we keep several pairs of reading glasses scattered around for the god’s confiscatory pleasure . Though we do expect to return home one day to find a pile of glasses on the table, and the refrigerator gone!

Reply to bill reith
1. Penny:
  
  Wednesday, June 3, 2015 at 11:04pm
  
  This is wonderful…just love it, my household GOTL should be fully appeased…
  
  Reply to Penny
Ellen Dolgen:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 1:17pm

I wish I could use cheaters! I have progressives. Who came up with that term??? However, I can relate….as I have glasses in every room.

Reply to Ellen Dolgen
Carol Cassara:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 9:57am

I acquired about 20 before I ended up getting monovision contacts and now don’t need them. Sigh. Cute ones, too.

Reply to Carol Cassara
1. Sharon:
  
  Monday, June 1, 2015 at 10:31am
  
  Good idea, but I don’t need contacts. I have good distance vision. It’s reading small print that gets to me.
  
  Reply to Sharon
  1. Barbara, Senior Planet editor:
    
    Monday, June 1, 2015 at 10:47am
    
    Hi Carol, you’re not alone, and that’s what this story is about – reading glasses!
Pamela:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 9:53am

I have about five pair of reading glasses. Well, seven if you count my husband’s – sometimes we share. Funniest place I’ve lost and found a pair? Under my husband’s pillow. And I’m not going to tell you why.

Reply to Pamela
Sharon:

Monday, June 1, 2015 at 9:00am

Loved this column. So many images of myself. Personally, I go for the ultimate fashion statement – a pair of readers hanging from a string/chain around my neck. And still I loose them. Not needing them every moment of the day, I’ll take off the beautiful necklace and lay it somewhere. Somewhere?? Then from time to time they fall off my string and I step on them. If only I had the amount of money I’ve spent on readers in my bank account, I could take a nice vacation.

Reply to Sharon
Mister Wonderful:

Sunday, May 31, 2015 at 8:49pm

This is wonderful!

Reply to Mister Wonderful